I started a new book, Shifting: The Double Lives of Black Women in America by Charisse Jones and Kumea Shorter-Gooden. It discusses the multiple roles black women have to play in society. This book started as a research project to find out how we deal with and handle those roles. Although I just started, I know this will be a page turner for me. To start, the authors define what it means to shift. Shifting defines how we transform from one role to the other. I think we all do it, whether black or white, male or female. But black women have an added dimension because it is often said we have two strikes: being black and female. I remember the book, The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison where the main character wishes she had blues eyes and blond hair and wonder if that is the dream of many little Black girls. I can't relate to that story because I never once had that dream. I've always been proud of who I am and where I came from and try to teach my children the same.
When I think about why that is so, my first thought is that I love being a woman! Sure I complain about the monthly visitor and the pains of childbirth, but I feel so blessed and fortunate to have given birth, a giver of life. I have always embraced my femininity and wonder why being masculine is the in thing for teen girls now. I often have to do a double take while at work, girls with the sagging pants (as if not bad enough on the boys), hats, big boots or tennis shoes. I try not to judge, but good grief...I love to pamper myself. I know some men who pamper themselves with weekly haircuts and shaves, manicures and pedicures, but I love the fact that I don't have to explain my self love.
Being a Black woman is a challenge, but a welcome one for me. I hate the stereotypes, but some are justified. Yes, we have an attitude, but we've had to fight for everything...our freedom, our children, our families, our lives! We are strong and we are survivors. As I think of the women in my family, I see so much diversity...some are meek, some are aggressive, some are homemakers, some are pace setters, some are spiritual, but whatever they are and do, they are fantastic at it.
Black women come in so many shades and sizes...from Halle Berry to Mo'Nique ; from Carol Mosely Braun to Michelle Obama ; from Angie Stone to Beyonce. We are everywhere and our presence is known and felt. Like our brothas, we are loved yet feared. We are trendsetters...from our cornrows to our afros ; from our hip huggers to our stilettos. People stare, but often try to imitate. We don't care what people think of our style, because it's just that...ours!
Friday, November 16, 2007
Monday, November 05, 2007
Why I Love...Being a Librarian
Webster defines librarian as a specialist in the care or management of a library. Pretty vague huh? It defines libary as a place in which literary, musical, artistic, or reference materials are kept for use but not for sale. Most people define librarian as a person who loves to read, wears her hair back in a bun, wears glasses and walks around with her finger over her mouth to keep everyone quiet. The most common reaction I get when I tell people I'm a librarian is, "you like to read, don't you?" Yes, I love to read, but that was a trait long before I became a librarian.
I define my job as a librarian as the liason between information and the person who needs it, I am a teacher, a motivator and an advisor. My career began in a small public library in Arkansas where I served as the library manager, reference clerk, circulation clerk, public relations specialist and janitor. It was there I learned that I was just a paraprofessional and that to be a librarian I needed a graduate degree in library and information services/studies. It was there I fell in love with my work in the library and I knew this was the career for me. I always wanted to be a teacher, but once didn't want the stress or the meager salary. I would later learn that librarians don't fair much better in the salary department.:)
So when I moved to Oklahoma City, I immediately began thinking about applying to graduate school at OU. It took three years, but I earned my MLIS and am now an offical librarian! Thankfully, I toughed it out because when I began to look for jobs out of state I met the requirement of having my MLIS from an accredited university. I am now employed at the wonderful Northwest Mississippi Community College. I am part of the faculty, so I have the opportunity to teach students how to use the library and its resources. Although some of students sit through the classes with their eyes glazed over, there are some who are genuinely interested and that makes it worthwhile.
Being a libarian has exposed me to all types of information. I am the cataloger for NWCC and that means every book that is added to our collection comes across my desk. I have learned so much in this capacity and things I would have never known or heard of, I have because of my chosen profession. Teaching classes keeps me grounded, not everyone thinks highly of the library. Helping students keeps me enlightened. I have the opportunity to learn their frustrations with using our resources. Choosing material for the library keeps me informed, there is actually a book about this?! :)
So to all of you who think libraries are quiet and librarians are books worm I beg to differ. We are as diverse as our collections and the communities we serve.
I define my job as a librarian as the liason between information and the person who needs it, I am a teacher, a motivator and an advisor. My career began in a small public library in Arkansas where I served as the library manager, reference clerk, circulation clerk, public relations specialist and janitor. It was there I learned that I was just a paraprofessional and that to be a librarian I needed a graduate degree in library and information services/studies. It was there I fell in love with my work in the library and I knew this was the career for me. I always wanted to be a teacher, but once didn't want the stress or the meager salary. I would later learn that librarians don't fair much better in the salary department.:)
So when I moved to Oklahoma City, I immediately began thinking about applying to graduate school at OU. It took three years, but I earned my MLIS and am now an offical librarian! Thankfully, I toughed it out because when I began to look for jobs out of state I met the requirement of having my MLIS from an accredited university. I am now employed at the wonderful Northwest Mississippi Community College. I am part of the faculty, so I have the opportunity to teach students how to use the library and its resources. Although some of students sit through the classes with their eyes glazed over, there are some who are genuinely interested and that makes it worthwhile.
Being a libarian has exposed me to all types of information. I am the cataloger for NWCC and that means every book that is added to our collection comes across my desk. I have learned so much in this capacity and things I would have never known or heard of, I have because of my chosen profession. Teaching classes keeps me grounded, not everyone thinks highly of the library. Helping students keeps me enlightened. I have the opportunity to learn their frustrations with using our resources. Choosing material for the library keeps me informed, there is actually a book about this?! :)
So to all of you who think libraries are quiet and librarians are books worm I beg to differ. We are as diverse as our collections and the communities we serve.
Friday, October 19, 2007
Why I Love Hip Hop
Wednesday I watched the BET Hip Hop Awards and was impressed by what I saw. Performances were tasteful, awards were well deserved and it was only two hours. Interspered between the performances and awards, well known figures in the hip hop world and Black America gave monologues on why they love hip hop. Most memorable were MC Lyte and Michael Eric Dyson. These two challenged the emerging leaders to be responsible and give back. Gave young Black women advice on demanding respect with our voices and dollars. The awards show made me think about why I love hip hop, so here goes.
I was ten years old when the Sugarhill Gang recorded Rapper's Delight and I knew every word to that song. Then came Kurtis Blow, Whodini, Run DMC., and LL Cool J. and hip hop entered the mainstream. Back then lyrics were simple and somewhat comical. Afterall, Kurtis Blow talked about basketball, Whodini talked about friends and Run DMC set the trend for wearing unlaced Adidas. And who could forget LL's first rap ballard, I Need Love?! Hip hop was new, artists were expressing themselves in a new way and as a teen I loved it as much as the next person.
During my teen years, hip hop began to see the rise of subgenres. We had the political Public Enemy, KRS-One and Afrika Bambaataa, they urged us to fight the power and to stop the violence. Then NWA came out with what would ultimately define hip hop...gangster rap. Hip hop has been in the hot seat for quite some time, but the Don Imus incident intensified it and really brought it to the mainstream. It was time for the artists to take responsibility for the ruckus they helped create. And of course, they weren't going to take the blame for telling their side of the story.
In my quest to understand hip hop and this obsession with it, I began reading everything I could get my hands on and after reading arguments from both sides of the story, I have a newfound love and respect for hip hop and what it stands for. I may not agree with what they say and how it's said, but we cannot deny them the right to say it. As I began to read and listen to these artists, I realized what they say is no worse than what Ozzy Osbourne, Kiss and other rock bands promoted and sang of back in the day.
I caught an episode of Hip Hop vs. America on BET and realized these people are human and are only rapping and talking about life as they see it. I listened as these artists explained that many times the words they choose are out of frustration. They underscored the fact that all songs can't be happy go lucky because in their world, those days are far and few between.
So, I love hip hop for a variety of reasons. I love hip hop because you grew up with me, you express lifeas you see it...sometimes the truth hurts. I love hip hop because you set trends and have the power to change lives. You employ many, you inspire millions.
Books I read on the subject:
Beat, Rhymes, Life edited by Kenji Jasper and Ytasha Womack.
Third Coast by Roni Sarig.
Pimps Up, Hoes Down by T. Sharpley-Whiting.
When Chickenheads Come Home To Roost by Joan Morgan.
Ghettonation by Cora Daniels.
Also take a look at Hip Hop versus America on BET.
I was ten years old when the Sugarhill Gang recorded Rapper's Delight and I knew every word to that song. Then came Kurtis Blow, Whodini, Run DMC., and LL Cool J. and hip hop entered the mainstream. Back then lyrics were simple and somewhat comical. Afterall, Kurtis Blow talked about basketball, Whodini talked about friends and Run DMC set the trend for wearing unlaced Adidas. And who could forget LL's first rap ballard, I Need Love?! Hip hop was new, artists were expressing themselves in a new way and as a teen I loved it as much as the next person.
During my teen years, hip hop began to see the rise of subgenres. We had the political Public Enemy, KRS-One and Afrika Bambaataa, they urged us to fight the power and to stop the violence. Then NWA came out with what would ultimately define hip hop...gangster rap. Hip hop has been in the hot seat for quite some time, but the Don Imus incident intensified it and really brought it to the mainstream. It was time for the artists to take responsibility for the ruckus they helped create. And of course, they weren't going to take the blame for telling their side of the story.
In my quest to understand hip hop and this obsession with it, I began reading everything I could get my hands on and after reading arguments from both sides of the story, I have a newfound love and respect for hip hop and what it stands for. I may not agree with what they say and how it's said, but we cannot deny them the right to say it. As I began to read and listen to these artists, I realized what they say is no worse than what Ozzy Osbourne, Kiss and other rock bands promoted and sang of back in the day.
I caught an episode of Hip Hop vs. America on BET and realized these people are human and are only rapping and talking about life as they see it. I listened as these artists explained that many times the words they choose are out of frustration. They underscored the fact that all songs can't be happy go lucky because in their world, those days are far and few between.
So, I love hip hop for a variety of reasons. I love hip hop because you grew up with me, you express lifeas you see it...sometimes the truth hurts. I love hip hop because you set trends and have the power to change lives. You employ many, you inspire millions.
Books I read on the subject:
Beat, Rhymes, Life edited by Kenji Jasper and Ytasha Womack.
Third Coast by Roni Sarig.
Pimps Up, Hoes Down by T. Sharpley-Whiting.
When Chickenheads Come Home To Roost by Joan Morgan.
Ghettonation by Cora Daniels.
Also take a look at Hip Hop versus America on BET.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Why I Love Being a Mother...
Okay, I know I complain about my kids, but the truth is that I love them dearly and there is nothing I wouldn't do for them. I can't count the number of sacrifices that have made to make sure they have what they need. I can't count the number of sleepless nights I have endured to sit up and watch sick child. I can't remember a night when I haven't at least one of three in bed with me. Yes, it's true, a mother's love has no boundaries. Motherhood brings with it many frustrations, but I wouldn't trade the experiences and unconditional love for anything. Each of my three have their own personalities and traits that I love. Let me elaborate...
DQ: Has the strongest personality of the three. Her personality can be considered a blessing and a curse. I love the fact that she expresses herself so strongly. She is creative and some of her writings have blown me away. I've tried to encourage her to channel some of frustrations positively by writing. DQ loves to be around people and this has caused us to clash some because I'm the opposite. I try hard to understand her desire to be with the in crowd and why peer opinions are so important to her. I never was part of a clique, I just wandered from crowd to crowd during my junior and high school years. So I've had to explain to her that I trust her judgement in choosing good friends. DQ's personality is just like her dad's and his family, so when she came out in her winter coat this morning, I laughed until I cried. I then made her find a light jacket, it was cool, and she was dressed like it was twenty below. She is tall and slim and wears her clothes well. I can't remember when I wore a size zero. She is smart as a whip and I know she will eventually find her way.
LB: He is the most laid back kid I know. He just goes with the flow and hardly ever gets upset. He is patient and if I tell him to wait for something, he usually does. He can make a friend anywhere and will play with anyone. He is 100% boy and sometimes dealing with those traits is maddening. He loves his baby sister to death, it is the older one that he despises. I'm sure time will bring the two closer. He is with his dad now, and LP and I miss him so much! The first week after he left, DQ walked around in a daze and when we went to visit him, she followed him everywhere. She even sat on the bathtub as he was trying to bathe and he said, "it's okay, she can stay." He loves making good grades and is continually on the honor roll. He has the same third grade teacher that DQ had, and I'm sure Mrs. B notices the difference.
LP: Spoiled rotten. This came from a combination of folks...mom, dad, papa, big brother. LP is cute as a button and knows how to work her cute. She gotten everything from free biscuits @ KFC to free sodas at Taco Bell! Her personalty varies, depending on who she is around. So now I'm dealing with DQ, Jr. Her tantrums have ranged from not wanting cereal for breakfast to she is the only one who cleans up her room. This has led to a few rounds from the two of us. I refuse to go there with a five year old. But for the most part, LP is my little princess. She is the most loving child I have and often is in my space when I'm laying down or sitting on the couch. She sleeps with me most nights and I have to wake up a few times to pry her off of my back. She started school and it was a major adjustment. She had been going to our campus based center and basically got her way. Not only is Kindergarten a bit more structured, she has to deal with 23 others instead of 9 others. The first month was tough, but I see a major improvement. She is learning so much and it's a joy to watch her practice what she's learned and teach her stuffed animals their letters and numbers.
Yes, being a mother is rewarding. I've heard people say the time flies, but it really isn't going fast for me, I guess because I have learned to take it a day at a time, not rush their growth and developement and just enjoy the time I have with them. I'm sure in a couple of weeks, I'll post another confessions entry.
DQ: Has the strongest personality of the three. Her personality can be considered a blessing and a curse. I love the fact that she expresses herself so strongly. She is creative and some of her writings have blown me away. I've tried to encourage her to channel some of frustrations positively by writing. DQ loves to be around people and this has caused us to clash some because I'm the opposite. I try hard to understand her desire to be with the in crowd and why peer opinions are so important to her. I never was part of a clique, I just wandered from crowd to crowd during my junior and high school years. So I've had to explain to her that I trust her judgement in choosing good friends. DQ's personality is just like her dad's and his family, so when she came out in her winter coat this morning, I laughed until I cried. I then made her find a light jacket, it was cool, and she was dressed like it was twenty below. She is tall and slim and wears her clothes well. I can't remember when I wore a size zero. She is smart as a whip and I know she will eventually find her way.
LB: He is the most laid back kid I know. He just goes with the flow and hardly ever gets upset. He is patient and if I tell him to wait for something, he usually does. He can make a friend anywhere and will play with anyone. He is 100% boy and sometimes dealing with those traits is maddening. He loves his baby sister to death, it is the older one that he despises. I'm sure time will bring the two closer. He is with his dad now, and LP and I miss him so much! The first week after he left, DQ walked around in a daze and when we went to visit him, she followed him everywhere. She even sat on the bathtub as he was trying to bathe and he said, "it's okay, she can stay." He loves making good grades and is continually on the honor roll. He has the same third grade teacher that DQ had, and I'm sure Mrs. B notices the difference.
LP: Spoiled rotten. This came from a combination of folks...mom, dad, papa, big brother. LP is cute as a button and knows how to work her cute. She gotten everything from free biscuits @ KFC to free sodas at Taco Bell! Her personalty varies, depending on who she is around. So now I'm dealing with DQ, Jr. Her tantrums have ranged from not wanting cereal for breakfast to she is the only one who cleans up her room. This has led to a few rounds from the two of us. I refuse to go there with a five year old. But for the most part, LP is my little princess. She is the most loving child I have and often is in my space when I'm laying down or sitting on the couch. She sleeps with me most nights and I have to wake up a few times to pry her off of my back. She started school and it was a major adjustment. She had been going to our campus based center and basically got her way. Not only is Kindergarten a bit more structured, she has to deal with 23 others instead of 9 others. The first month was tough, but I see a major improvement. She is learning so much and it's a joy to watch her practice what she's learned and teach her stuffed animals their letters and numbers.
Yes, being a mother is rewarding. I've heard people say the time flies, but it really isn't going fast for me, I guess because I have learned to take it a day at a time, not rush their growth and developement and just enjoy the time I have with them. I'm sure in a couple of weeks, I'll post another confessions entry.
Monday, October 08, 2007
Why I Love...
About three years ago I read Why I Love Black Women by Michael Eric Dyson and in it he described the qualities black women possess that have caused him to have much respect. He described the qualities by using specific women to paint his picture. He spoke of Angela Davis, Maxine Waters and Kimberly Williams Crenshaw, some well known, some not. He does a wonderful job of taking their attributes and merging them into all Black women. A very good read, makes me proud to be a Black women, as I see myself in so many of the women in which he spoke.
It is in the spirit that my next few entries will be on Why I Love... My first will describe Why I Love Black Men.
When I first heard Angie Stone's Brotha, I fell in love with the lyrics. Her first verse,
"He is my King, He is my one
Yes he's my father, Yes he's my son
I can talk to him, cuz he understands
Everything I go through and everything I am
That's my support system, I can't live without him
The best thing since sliced bread,
Is his kiss, his hugs, his lips, his touch"
Man that describes what I feel! The second verse describes that often Black men are misunderstood and they are just trying to make it, like everyone else on this planet. I applaud Angie for recording such a marvelous song, especially when so many try to bring the Black man down. I think I'll elaborate a bit further on why that first verse speaks to me.
He is my King, my father is a Brotha. He is a strong man who despite many obstacles made it and perservered. I've never heard him complain once about the hand that he was dealt. He is a hard worker and has done whatever it takes to [legally] provide for his family. That is why I never bought into the myth that Black men are lazy, don't provide for their families and are materialistic. My dad taught me the meaning of hard work and that no one owes me anything.
He is my son. My son...mothers have always had a special bond with sons. For Black women it's even stronger because we know how hostile this world is to our babies. My heart went out to the mothers of the Jena 6 because that is one of my biggest fears. LB will be nine Friday and I just pray things will be better, but that's what many have prayed for the last hundred years. That is the main reason why I prefer for him to be with his dad...guidance and support. I understand what he will go through, but I don't know if I'd be able to guide him through it.
I think the rest of the verse speaks for itself. I mean who better to understand a person than someone who has lived it and is currently living it? The Black man...loved, feared, envied, hated, desired.
I love your strength, you make it despite the many obstacles faced in your way. I love your style, you have set and continue to set trends. I love your swagger, no matter what life hands you, you keep your head up. I love your hair...from the afros, the fades to the locs and the shiny heads. I love the many hues...caramel, chocolate, cocoa, peanut butter. I love your versatality...from the boardroom to the backyard barbeque, keeping it real. Yes, Angie, there is nothing better than his kiss, his hugs, his full lips and his touch. I, too, want the whole world to know that he's my black brotha and I love ya!
It is in the spirit that my next few entries will be on Why I Love... My first will describe Why I Love Black Men.
When I first heard Angie Stone's Brotha, I fell in love with the lyrics. Her first verse,
"He is my King, He is my one
Yes he's my father, Yes he's my son
I can talk to him, cuz he understands
Everything I go through and everything I am
That's my support system, I can't live without him
The best thing since sliced bread,
Is his kiss, his hugs, his lips, his touch"
Man that describes what I feel! The second verse describes that often Black men are misunderstood and they are just trying to make it, like everyone else on this planet. I applaud Angie for recording such a marvelous song, especially when so many try to bring the Black man down. I think I'll elaborate a bit further on why that first verse speaks to me.
He is my King, my father is a Brotha. He is a strong man who despite many obstacles made it and perservered. I've never heard him complain once about the hand that he was dealt. He is a hard worker and has done whatever it takes to [legally] provide for his family. That is why I never bought into the myth that Black men are lazy, don't provide for their families and are materialistic. My dad taught me the meaning of hard work and that no one owes me anything.
He is my son. My son...mothers have always had a special bond with sons. For Black women it's even stronger because we know how hostile this world is to our babies. My heart went out to the mothers of the Jena 6 because that is one of my biggest fears. LB will be nine Friday and I just pray things will be better, but that's what many have prayed for the last hundred years. That is the main reason why I prefer for him to be with his dad...guidance and support. I understand what he will go through, but I don't know if I'd be able to guide him through it.
I think the rest of the verse speaks for itself. I mean who better to understand a person than someone who has lived it and is currently living it? The Black man...loved, feared, envied, hated, desired.
I love your strength, you make it despite the many obstacles faced in your way. I love your style, you have set and continue to set trends. I love your swagger, no matter what life hands you, you keep your head up. I love your hair...from the afros, the fades to the locs and the shiny heads. I love the many hues...caramel, chocolate, cocoa, peanut butter. I love your versatality...from the boardroom to the backyard barbeque, keeping it real. Yes, Angie, there is nothing better than his kiss, his hugs, his full lips and his touch. I, too, want the whole world to know that he's my black brotha and I love ya!
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
EBM...myth or reality?
So for those of you who read my cluck, cluck entry you know that there is a theory that there is a shortage of good Black men, described as the endangered black man, hence EBM. Joan Morgan the author of When Chickenheads Come Home to Roost doesn't think so and neither do I. Maybe it's something that someone invented so that women will lower their standards and just put up with any old crap. I'm new to this area and for a while I was beginning to think that maybe something was wrong with me because I didn't even get a second look from the men around, let alone a "hey baby, are you married?" But after talking with a few people and some of the guys from back home, I've learned the perhaps the problem isn't with me. For instance, one guy told me that if he saw me out with my kids he would assume that I was married or involved and for that reason would not approach me. Okay, that made me feel a tad bit better. Another suggestion was that maybe I intimidate men because all men need to feel like they are needed, afterall, I was reminded, I have a good job, a house and a car. Is there any need for a man? To that I said that if men feel that way, then they are truly twisted.
So I did what any normal person would do...I went to the online personals. My first stop was Yahoo and there are all types of weirdos on there, but I did meet some interesting men. In fact, I still talk to a couple of them. I got frustrated because several never responded to messages and I felt like I was wasting my money. Stop 2 was and still is blackpeoplemeet.com. Now this is where the fun is, I'm having great email conversations with people from all over the U.S. In fact, I've again realized that the world really is small. Malcolm Gladwell's The Tipping Point talks about how closely we're all connected, and I've found that out to be true. One guy lives in Seattle, but is from Greenville, MS (about 30 minutes from my hometown.) Another guy lives in Houston but travels to Atlanta and Birmingham yearly and goes through El Dorado, AR. But I digress, this site is proof that there are still good BLACK men out there. I signed up for this site Monday and as of today, I've had over 200 profile views and I have 85 messages. Granted some of them are scrubs, but for the most part, I think they are good, honest, hardworking men. Even I was surprised with the number of single, never married, no kids 30 somethings. I love reading through the profiles and what these guys look for in a woman, some comments are too deep (even for me), some are amusing and some make you question their sanity. Anyway, I'm just looking for someone to talk to and just have fun and so far so good.
So I did what any normal person would do...I went to the online personals. My first stop was Yahoo and there are all types of weirdos on there, but I did meet some interesting men. In fact, I still talk to a couple of them. I got frustrated because several never responded to messages and I felt like I was wasting my money. Stop 2 was and still is blackpeoplemeet.com. Now this is where the fun is, I'm having great email conversations with people from all over the U.S. In fact, I've again realized that the world really is small. Malcolm Gladwell's The Tipping Point talks about how closely we're all connected, and I've found that out to be true. One guy lives in Seattle, but is from Greenville, MS (about 30 minutes from my hometown.) Another guy lives in Houston but travels to Atlanta and Birmingham yearly and goes through El Dorado, AR. But I digress, this site is proof that there are still good BLACK men out there. I signed up for this site Monday and as of today, I've had over 200 profile views and I have 85 messages. Granted some of them are scrubs, but for the most part, I think they are good, honest, hardworking men. Even I was surprised with the number of single, never married, no kids 30 somethings. I love reading through the profiles and what these guys look for in a woman, some comments are too deep (even for me), some are amusing and some make you question their sanity. Anyway, I'm just looking for someone to talk to and just have fun and so far so good.
Monday, October 01, 2007
Cluck, cluck
Finished readingWhen Chickenheads Come Home to Roost by Joan Morgan about a week ago and I can honestly say, it is one of the best books I've read. Morgan wrote the book in 1999 and considered herself a feminist, her words are timeless and I only wish I'd read it when it was first published. I know, many are asking what is a chickenhead? Until I was enlightened by Morgan, my definition was a woman who will do anything to get and keep a man, often degrading herself with her "ghettoness." Morgan's definition also included women who sole purpose in life is to live off of a man (hers and/or someone else's). We all know a chickenhead, her life revolves around her and her appearance, IF she works, it's a retail store and then, only two or three hours a day. She doesn't have much going on inside her head and is basically an airhead. It seems it is what many Black men want...a trophy.
My reasons for loving this book go way beyond learning the definition of chickenhead, this book defines what it means to be an African American feminist. We all know race is a major factor in America, so it should be no surprise that the feminist movement did nothing to help promote Black women's cause. We have to deal with issues unique to our culture. Morgan writes about not wanting to be the "strong Black woman" anymore. It is this that has and continues to kill the spirit and existence of Black women. Black women have always had to hold it together...ourselves, our families, our communities, our churches and our men. As a race, it is a form of betrayal to speak negatively about another. I mean look at how we defend the OJs, R. Kellys and Mike Tysons. We wear the SBW badge as an honor when the truth is that we need to give it up and let the men take the responsibility that they spoke of during the Million Man March. We don't have to be strong to be strong!
Morgan also adresses the EBM (endangered Black men)theory. She has wondered why so many Black women lower their standards and even think they can change a man, oh yeah, it's because we've bought into the theory that most Black men are either on drugs, selling drugs, locked up or have too many baby mamas. I, along with Morgan, refuse to believe the hype. I think that comes from life experiences and maturity. When I was younger, I did lower my expectations and it caused much heartbreak and heartache. As I've gotten older, I've realized the "Secret", the law of attrativeness and the aura we put out is what we get back. Morgan also interviewed men who said that although chickenheads are what they currently have, they are NOT who they would marry. They claim they want a wife who is not shallow and have objectives and goals in life. So, I guess we have to wait for them to grow up and get rid of the chickenheads.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Confessions of a Single Mother (pt.3)
Forgive me Father, for I have had thoughts of hurting my children and ex husband. It's been four months since my last confession. One would think since LB is back in OKC with his dad life would be a bit more relaxed in our home. This has not been the case and it seems life has gotten more hectic and stressful. I have a few theories of why this may be (1) LP started Kindergarten and refuses to take a nap and spends most of the evening whining over small things ; (2) LP misses her brother and expects me to play with her ;(3) DQ is now in junior high school and thinks she knows everything ;(4) DQ is obsessed with her hair and clothes (5) DQ's friend comes over every morning and afternoon. Okay, there are more than a few and I could go on, but I think you get the picture. I won't even get into the details of my nonexistent personal life. I still talk to the two prospects I had a few months ago, but the sizzle is now a fizzle. I've realized that I'm dealing with EBM (endangered Black men) according to Joan Morgan in When Chickenheads Come Home to Roost. More of that to come at a later date.
So, in my quest to be a responsible parent, I try to talk to their father about their behavior. We both agree that if LP continues to talk in school and refuse to take a nap, she will have to be punished. I just take away a few priviledges (as of 9/25/07, she has been doing great). The thundering and lightning came with the discussion of DQ. DQ has a problem staying focused, doing and turning in her homework and loves anything urban and contemporary. It was not until I threatened to make her ride the bus to school that she started dressing in a timely manner. The battle now is getting her to sit still to study. I've been told that you can't study math. Although I've explained several times that studying math is basically practicing and working problems, she refuses to believe me, but this is one battle that I will fight. Anyway, I try to explain my frustration to their dad and he comes back with, "You need to discipline her and limit her interactions with JW." And just how am I supposed to do that? JW and her parents moved here and they don't know or interact with a lot of people, so their options are limited and since I'm at home when they get off the school bus I don't mind watching her until her mother can pick her up. I tried to explain that JW is not the problem, DQ is, but he thinks I need to isolate her from the world. I tried to explain to him that he is living in a dream world if he thinks isolating her is the solution. Afterall, she spends seven hours a day at school around other kids. I live in reality and I talk to DQ about everything. I tried to explain that kids today have so much more to deal with and are exposed to life earlier. He refused to acknowledge that and said things are no different now than when we were teens. He basically told me I need to beat her and lock her in the house. I didn't remind him that that is what his sister did with her daughter and as soon as she turned 18, she went wild. It took her three years to find herself and she is currently in the Air Force crying about how she wants out. So I just hung up on him instead and spent the rest of the afternoon steaming mad. I also made a new pledge to not discuss DQ's teen behavior with him, because of helping he only adds to my frustration and blames me. I remembered a few years ago that we had a similiar disagreement when I decided it was time to teach DQ the facts of life. I found a book at the library with pictures and slang terms and when he saw it, he flipped. How dare I give her such graphic material and I tried to explain that she needs to know because boys (and girls) are getting smarter at the cons used to lure innocent parties. I want her to know the facts...yes, you can get pregnant the first time ; yes, you can get pregnant using the rhythm method ; there are other names for body parts and fluids...please be aware. Ignorance is not bliss!
So after a few days, I calmed down and bit, but I still think there is a balance that can be reached with it comes to our parenting styles. Yes, I know I need to set boundaries and I try really hard, but sometimes I just don't have the energy to deal with issues right then. I just remember something my aunt said, my kids did not come with an instruction manual and no, I did not have practice. I just do the best I can, teach them and trust them to make the right decisions.
So, in my quest to be a responsible parent, I try to talk to their father about their behavior. We both agree that if LP continues to talk in school and refuse to take a nap, she will have to be punished. I just take away a few priviledges (as of 9/25/07, she has been doing great). The thundering and lightning came with the discussion of DQ. DQ has a problem staying focused, doing and turning in her homework and loves anything urban and contemporary. It was not until I threatened to make her ride the bus to school that she started dressing in a timely manner. The battle now is getting her to sit still to study. I've been told that you can't study math. Although I've explained several times that studying math is basically practicing and working problems, she refuses to believe me, but this is one battle that I will fight. Anyway, I try to explain my frustration to their dad and he comes back with, "You need to discipline her and limit her interactions with JW." And just how am I supposed to do that? JW and her parents moved here and they don't know or interact with a lot of people, so their options are limited and since I'm at home when they get off the school bus I don't mind watching her until her mother can pick her up. I tried to explain that JW is not the problem, DQ is, but he thinks I need to isolate her from the world. I tried to explain to him that he is living in a dream world if he thinks isolating her is the solution. Afterall, she spends seven hours a day at school around other kids. I live in reality and I talk to DQ about everything. I tried to explain that kids today have so much more to deal with and are exposed to life earlier. He refused to acknowledge that and said things are no different now than when we were teens. He basically told me I need to beat her and lock her in the house. I didn't remind him that that is what his sister did with her daughter and as soon as she turned 18, she went wild. It took her three years to find herself and she is currently in the Air Force crying about how she wants out. So I just hung up on him instead and spent the rest of the afternoon steaming mad. I also made a new pledge to not discuss DQ's teen behavior with him, because of helping he only adds to my frustration and blames me. I remembered a few years ago that we had a similiar disagreement when I decided it was time to teach DQ the facts of life. I found a book at the library with pictures and slang terms and when he saw it, he flipped. How dare I give her such graphic material and I tried to explain that she needs to know because boys (and girls) are getting smarter at the cons used to lure innocent parties. I want her to know the facts...yes, you can get pregnant the first time ; yes, you can get pregnant using the rhythm method ; there are other names for body parts and fluids...please be aware. Ignorance is not bliss!
So after a few days, I calmed down and bit, but I still think there is a balance that can be reached with it comes to our parenting styles. Yes, I know I need to set boundaries and I try really hard, but sometimes I just don't have the energy to deal with issues right then. I just remember something my aunt said, my kids did not come with an instruction manual and no, I did not have practice. I just do the best I can, teach them and trust them to make the right decisions.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Jena, La...Jena, Anywhere, USA
Yes, I had my black on yesterday, but I added red to my outfit to represent the blood that has been and continues to be shed due to racism. When I first heard about the six young men I thought the punishment was a bit excessive and the more I learn I know it is a bit much. For those who think that race relations have gotten better, this is a perfect example of how flawed our legal/justice system actually is. For those who think that things like this only happen in the South, I beg to differ, this can happen anywhere. I've heard stories from people all over the U.S. who encounter racism daily.
I think what saddens me most is that the people of Jena think they don't have a race problem. First of all, because of the protest yesterday, all businesses, schools and government agencies closed and most of the residents left town. Why? That in itself speaks volumes. Second, if you are not the recipient of racism, you would not realize there's a problem. I think certain actions and thought patterns are so ingrained in most of us that we don't realize that our actions and thoughts are biased and prejudiced. Third, the origins of the assault stem from subtle actions that just boiled over. For those who think that the noose incident was a prank, read a book on lynchings such as Lynchings in Mississippi: A History, 1865-1965 by Julius E. Thompson. Those nooses were hung to intimidate other students, plain and simple. If something had been done about that incident, I guarantee things would not have gotten this far. I don't condone what the six young men did, but I can understand why...each kick represented years of mistreatment and injustice for African Americans.
I'm not a fan of Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson, but I think they've done an excellent job as leaders in the protest of the treatment of the Jena 6. For those who don't know what has happened or have only "heard" stories, read http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jena_Six
I think what saddens me most is that the people of Jena think they don't have a race problem. First of all, because of the protest yesterday, all businesses, schools and government agencies closed and most of the residents left town. Why? That in itself speaks volumes. Second, if you are not the recipient of racism, you would not realize there's a problem. I think certain actions and thought patterns are so ingrained in most of us that we don't realize that our actions and thoughts are biased and prejudiced. Third, the origins of the assault stem from subtle actions that just boiled over. For those who think that the noose incident was a prank, read a book on lynchings such as Lynchings in Mississippi: A History, 1865-1965 by Julius E. Thompson. Those nooses were hung to intimidate other students, plain and simple. If something had been done about that incident, I guarantee things would not have gotten this far. I don't condone what the six young men did, but I can understand why...each kick represented years of mistreatment and injustice for African Americans.
I'm not a fan of Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson, but I think they've done an excellent job as leaders in the protest of the treatment of the Jena 6. For those who don't know what has happened or have only "heard" stories, read http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jena_Six
Monday, September 17, 2007
Party, Harty!
I made it back from Arkansas in one piece. I must admit I had a few reasons why I wanted to go. The most important being to check on my mom and help her do some things around the house. She had been released from the hospital that morning and was resting when we got there. I did a few things around the house, but her number one priority was getting her computer connected to the internet. She was ready to do some surfing. I finally got her hooked up and she sent a message to everyone to let them know she was online.
The second reason I was headed to AR was for a party. Some friends that I grew up with live in Seattle, but their parents live in AR and they were planning a surprise birthday party for their dad who was 80 on September 15th. He and his wife have five children (all of whom live in Seattle), he also has an older son and two daughters with my aunt. One of his daughters is married to my cousin, so I'm very connected to this family and have been saving the date for a few months. Seven of his children and most of his grandchildren were there, so it was great to see people I hadn't seen in years. I saw my cousins who moved to Seattle when they were kids, now one is about to graduate from college, the other is fifteen, one lives in Dallas and on and on.
After I made sure my mom was okay and the girls were in bed watching tv I went to visit, reminisce and of course, play cards. We were up until 1:30 am, but we had a blast. We were entertained by their oldest brother and his son. I laughed until my face hurt and was wide awake when I made it to my mom's. Well, so were the girls, watching tv and making iced frappocinos. I made them go to bed because we had to get up and take my mom to Wal-Mart.
After making it back from Wal-Mart, I took a short nap and started getting ready for the big event...the surprise party. First I got the girls dressed, Kara was so excited, she could hardly wait to say "Surprise!" The party was very nice, it started with the "surprise", then we had a buffet style dinner, followed by words from any who wanted and the family recognized three individuals who have helped make sure their parents were taken care of. While everyone visited and talked, we moved tables and chairs to set up the dance floor. There was a dj and he played everything from 1960 to present day. We preferred the line dance music and even I had to get out there and do the Cupid Shuffle. It was fun to watch everyone else and there were few folks who never left the dance floor. I did enjoy one more dance as the nephew pulled me out to dance to one of my favorite songs, Bartender by T-Pain. Even after the doors were locked, we mingled around and talked, not wanting the night to end.
Sunday was the barbeque, but I had to leave. I went by on my way home and of course once I got there I lost track of time and finally left at 5:30, making it home at 8:30. I knew once the "high" were off, I would end up dragging around. When I got home yesterday, I cooked, ironed, did LP's hair and quickly as possible...my goal was to be in bed by 8:30. I was in bed by 8:00 and as I tried to read a few pages of my book, I found myself dozing. I finally gave up and put the book down. This morning I feel refreshed, but everytime I hear Bartender I smile.
The second reason I was headed to AR was for a party. Some friends that I grew up with live in Seattle, but their parents live in AR and they were planning a surprise birthday party for their dad who was 80 on September 15th. He and his wife have five children (all of whom live in Seattle), he also has an older son and two daughters with my aunt. One of his daughters is married to my cousin, so I'm very connected to this family and have been saving the date for a few months. Seven of his children and most of his grandchildren were there, so it was great to see people I hadn't seen in years. I saw my cousins who moved to Seattle when they were kids, now one is about to graduate from college, the other is fifteen, one lives in Dallas and on and on.
After I made sure my mom was okay and the girls were in bed watching tv I went to visit, reminisce and of course, play cards. We were up until 1:30 am, but we had a blast. We were entertained by their oldest brother and his son. I laughed until my face hurt and was wide awake when I made it to my mom's. Well, so were the girls, watching tv and making iced frappocinos. I made them go to bed because we had to get up and take my mom to Wal-Mart.
After making it back from Wal-Mart, I took a short nap and started getting ready for the big event...the surprise party. First I got the girls dressed, Kara was so excited, she could hardly wait to say "Surprise!" The party was very nice, it started with the "surprise", then we had a buffet style dinner, followed by words from any who wanted and the family recognized three individuals who have helped make sure their parents were taken care of. While everyone visited and talked, we moved tables and chairs to set up the dance floor. There was a dj and he played everything from 1960 to present day. We preferred the line dance music and even I had to get out there and do the Cupid Shuffle. It was fun to watch everyone else and there were few folks who never left the dance floor. I did enjoy one more dance as the nephew pulled me out to dance to one of my favorite songs, Bartender by T-Pain. Even after the doors were locked, we mingled around and talked, not wanting the night to end.
Sunday was the barbeque, but I had to leave. I went by on my way home and of course once I got there I lost track of time and finally left at 5:30, making it home at 8:30. I knew once the "high" were off, I would end up dragging around. When I got home yesterday, I cooked, ironed, did LP's hair and quickly as possible...my goal was to be in bed by 8:30. I was in bed by 8:00 and as I tried to read a few pages of my book, I found myself dozing. I finally gave up and put the book down. This morning I feel refreshed, but everytime I hear Bartender I smile.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Another Bought Lesson
The buyer this time...my mother. A few weeks ago while visiting my parents, I noticed that my mom had this horrible cough. I asked her about it and she said her Doctor had prescribed antibiotics, but she just couldn't shake it. She said it was a dry cough and once she started, she coughed for it seemed like ten to fifteen minutes. I told she needed to go back to the Dr. Russell and have him do xrays. Two weeks passed and everytime I called I would ask her if she'd been to see Dr. Russell. Of course she hadn't, but she was still coughing and now her energy level had plummeted. She also said she was breating and wheezing just like my grandfather was on the night of his death. So when I talked to her the past Sunday, she said she was planning to go the next day. Of course I called to find out if she'd been and she told me that Dr. Russell was out and she was going the next day. While on my break my mom called and left a message, "Call me on my cell phone when you get a chance." So when I called her I told her that I knew she was in the hospital and she sounded surprised. I informed her that (1) I knew something was serious by the way she was coughing and (2) she left instructions to call her on her cell phone. Anyone who knows my mom knows she never wants anyone to call her during the peak hours on her cell, she tries to conserve her anytime minutes for emergencies.
She said yes, Dr. Russell told her she had to stay because her oxygen level was low, her blood pressure was up and she had a lot of fluid. Her diagnosis...congestive heart failure. This is the second time in the past ten years my mom has been hospitalized with this condition. I think this time will be her wake up call to start eating and exercising. She has lost fifteen pounds since being admitted, a lot of fluid. She is to be released Friday morning, so I'm packing up tonight, so I can help out around the house. She said her house is a wreck, but Richard Carson has told us not to sweat the small stuff and believe me in the grand scheme of things, a junky house is small.
It is times like this that I'm glad I'm only three hours from my parents. I told my sister not to worry about trying to to to AR. She is seven hours aways, just started a new job and has a family to tend to, so this is where I can pick up the slack and drive down to take care of our parents. Plus, there is a party I want to go to Saturday night!
She said yes, Dr. Russell told her she had to stay because her oxygen level was low, her blood pressure was up and she had a lot of fluid. Her diagnosis...congestive heart failure. This is the second time in the past ten years my mom has been hospitalized with this condition. I think this time will be her wake up call to start eating and exercising. She has lost fifteen pounds since being admitted, a lot of fluid. She is to be released Friday morning, so I'm packing up tonight, so I can help out around the house. She said her house is a wreck, but Richard Carson has told us not to sweat the small stuff and believe me in the grand scheme of things, a junky house is small.
It is times like this that I'm glad I'm only three hours from my parents. I told my sister not to worry about trying to to to AR. She is seven hours aways, just started a new job and has a family to tend to, so this is where I can pick up the slack and drive down to take care of our parents. Plus, there is a party I want to go to Saturday night!
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
A Clever Marketing Scheme
I'm sure most who read my blog know that lately I've been going through this hip-hop thing. I try to keep up with the artists in this genre, but it changes on a daily basis, with some of the best being overshadowed with the ones who are just commercialized. Case in point...the 50 Cent, Kanye West feud. I don't really think it's a feud. For people who think the media is not feeding the hype and negativity that surrounds hip-hop, this is the perfect example. Both artists released their new cds on September 11, 2007. 50 was quoted as saying, "If Kanye sells more cds than me, I will retire from rapping." For those who have followed Fiddy's career, we know that he will do and say anything to generate buzz for his upcoming projects. People, it's all a publicity stunt, but by the time the media has put its spin on it, it becomes "a beef."
Yesterday I watched some of BET's 106 & Park, where they had both artists perform and talk about their latest releases. BET has promoted this to their advantage, making it look like they're the mediator between the two artists. Everyone wants to cash in. To open the show, ESPN's Stuart Scott gave stats and info about each. Fiddy came out first and performed and then talked about how he says things to help promote his projects. I hope those who watched learned that artists will say and do anything to make money. Fiddy is worth an estimated 400 million dollars and Kanye is not far behind. Kanye came out and talked about his gift and how he is bascially a musical genius, give me a break! I do think he has an unique way of making his points...a grown man having tantrums. Grow up and use your "gift" to reach our youth.
Yesterday I watched some of BET's 106 & Park, where they had both artists perform and talk about their latest releases. BET has promoted this to their advantage, making it look like they're the mediator between the two artists. Everyone wants to cash in. To open the show, ESPN's Stuart Scott gave stats and info about each. Fiddy came out first and performed and then talked about how he says things to help promote his projects. I hope those who watched learned that artists will say and do anything to make money. Fiddy is worth an estimated 400 million dollars and Kanye is not far behind. Kanye came out and talked about his gift and how he is bascially a musical genius, give me a break! I do think he has an unique way of making his points...a grown man having tantrums. Grow up and use your "gift" to reach our youth.
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
A bought lesson
I should've known it was too good to be true. Yesterday DQ got up, got dressed, brushed her teeth and washed her face without my constant reminders. We actually made it out of the house at a normal pace, instead of all of the frantic rushing. It was a good day. That is, until 3:45 when they stepped off the school bus. I had sloppy joes waiting, so all they had to do was sit and eat. I told her and her friend, JW, to eat and when they finished, to start on homework. DQ stated that she'd done her homework at school, but I told her she needed to work on something. She asked if she could use the computer for her Career Discovery project and I told her to wait until later. So, she proceeded with her usual daily stuff, talking on the phone, doing her hair, sorting through clothes, and watching tv. She comes out of her room at 8:00 to ask to use the computer to finish her project...it's due Wednesday. So, you all know what a holiday on Monday did to my brain, I'm thinking okay, let's work on it tomorrow and she quickly reminded me that tomorrow is Wednesday. I was so upset, I asked her why she spent the entire evening goofing off when she knew she had homework, all I get is a shrug, which really set me in motion to "talk" for the next fifteen minutes. I gave her 30 minutes to finish her project. Needless to say, it took her about 45 minutes, but she got it done. I was in bed with my book at about 9:15 to relax and unwind. LP was exhausted from staying up late and a full day at school, so she was out before 7:00 pm.
The saga continued this morning. I try to get DQ up when I take my shower so that by the time I finish, she'll be ready to go in and do what she needs to. It never works out, I have to constantly tell her to get dressed, brush her teeth, wash her face, etc. This morning, she spent so much time dressing and combing her hair that I had to put her out so LP could brush her teeth so she could eat breakfast. DQ ate and then decided to redo her hair. The result-- I put her out again, so I could finish getting dressed. We ended up running late and I had her and JW catch the bus so I could save time. LP has to be at school by 7:40 and we were walking out of the door at 7:30. Needless to say DQ and JW were upset because they had to ride the bus, but maybe tomorrow she will get up and get moving. There is a saying that a bought lesson is a taught lesson which means experience is the best teacher. So now that she has experienced the consequences of moving slow in the morning, it will teach her to move a little faster. As always, I'll keep you posted.
The saga continued this morning. I try to get DQ up when I take my shower so that by the time I finish, she'll be ready to go in and do what she needs to. It never works out, I have to constantly tell her to get dressed, brush her teeth, wash her face, etc. This morning, she spent so much time dressing and combing her hair that I had to put her out so LP could brush her teeth so she could eat breakfast. DQ ate and then decided to redo her hair. The result-- I put her out again, so I could finish getting dressed. We ended up running late and I had her and JW catch the bus so I could save time. LP has to be at school by 7:40 and we were walking out of the door at 7:30. Needless to say DQ and JW were upset because they had to ride the bus, but maybe tomorrow she will get up and get moving. There is a saying that a bought lesson is a taught lesson which means experience is the best teacher. So now that she has experienced the consequences of moving slow in the morning, it will teach her to move a little faster. As always, I'll keep you posted.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Makes you say hmmm...
I am back to my old self. I have reacquainted myself with one of my loves...reading. Last week I read three books. The few books I'd read previously were all non-fiction, so I caught on some works that are in some of my favorite series. The first was S is for Silence by Sue Grafton. Yes, I've read everyone of her Kinsey Millhoune mysteries. I must admit they were getting pretty predictable, but this one was pretty good. It actually had a surprise ending and left me thinking, wow. I like the dry, sarcastic humor that she gives to Millhoune. But if I had to recommend any, it would have to be B is for Buglar, by far, the best in this series.
Book 2...Stalemate by Iris Johansen. This is an Eve Duncan thriller. Duncan is a forensic sculptor who always winds up in a bind through her work. Johansen does an amazing job with this series and it is one of the best. I recommend all of them. I couldn't put it down and I was even cheering for the bad guy.
The third book...Chasing Destiny by Eric Jerome Dickey. I was a Dickey fan. When he first entered the scence in 2000 I was one of the first to promote this brother. I though his writing was thought provoking and down to earth. He wrote about issues that were relevant to me. I read everything he wrote, but then his writing shifted. He started going through this sex thing and I lost interest in his stuff. I picked Destiny up because it was Labor Day weekend and I knew I'd finish the Johansen book Friday night. I opened the book at 9:00 pm Friday and when I put it down two hours later I was on page 112. Dickey has redeemed himself with this work. I liked and could identify with every single character in this book. This book made me think. I thought about my role as a parent and the effect my actions have on my children. I thought about how I respond and communicate with my children. I thought about all the parents who think their children are angels, but don't have a clue what is really going on. I thought about parents in denial and defending children even when they are wrong, not allowing them to take responsibility for their actions. In the end, it hurts everyone. I also learned a lot about motorcycles and when I finished I called my friend and asked him if he was going to buy a new bike. I wanted to ride, put on my gear and ride with the wind. I recommend this book to those who don't think their actions don't have an affect on others. I recommend this book to those who don't think we're all connected in one way or the other.
Today, I'm on my fourth...Sleeping with Strangers by Eric Jerome Dickey. So far, so good.
Book 2...Stalemate by Iris Johansen. This is an Eve Duncan thriller. Duncan is a forensic sculptor who always winds up in a bind through her work. Johansen does an amazing job with this series and it is one of the best. I recommend all of them. I couldn't put it down and I was even cheering for the bad guy.
The third book...Chasing Destiny by Eric Jerome Dickey. I was a Dickey fan. When he first entered the scence in 2000 I was one of the first to promote this brother. I though his writing was thought provoking and down to earth. He wrote about issues that were relevant to me. I read everything he wrote, but then his writing shifted. He started going through this sex thing and I lost interest in his stuff. I picked Destiny up because it was Labor Day weekend and I knew I'd finish the Johansen book Friday night. I opened the book at 9:00 pm Friday and when I put it down two hours later I was on page 112. Dickey has redeemed himself with this work. I liked and could identify with every single character in this book. This book made me think. I thought about my role as a parent and the effect my actions have on my children. I thought about how I respond and communicate with my children. I thought about all the parents who think their children are angels, but don't have a clue what is really going on. I thought about parents in denial and defending children even when they are wrong, not allowing them to take responsibility for their actions. In the end, it hurts everyone. I also learned a lot about motorcycles and when I finished I called my friend and asked him if he was going to buy a new bike. I wanted to ride, put on my gear and ride with the wind. I recommend this book to those who don't think their actions don't have an affect on others. I recommend this book to those who don't think we're all connected in one way or the other.
Today, I'm on my fourth...Sleeping with Strangers by Eric Jerome Dickey. So far, so good.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Third Coast
Okay, I finished Third Coast by Roni Sarig, its subtitle: Outkast, Timabland and How Hip Hop became a Southern Thing, and I loved it! I picked this book up at the public library and kind of doubted if I'd read the whole thing, it is 364 pages and I just didn't know if my interest would continue after the first few pages. Remember the adage, "never judge a book by its cover"? Well, that should be taken literally with this title. Sarig gives readers a comphrensive view of rap and hip hop. He has done a lot of research and explains how rap and hip hop have evolved from the spoken word and disc jockeys. Sarig does use rap and hip hop interchangeably as most people do, but had he not, it would probably read "how rap became a southen thing." He only devotes a few paragraphs in the entire book to groups like Public Enemy, and artists like Common and Kanye West. Although they don't hail from the south, he gives hardcare rappers like Snoop, Tupac, and Biggie a lot of pen time.
Because I came of age during the evolution of rap and hip hop, I was so engrossed in this book. I took a trip down memory lane as he talked about the formation of The Geto Boys, UGK, Outkast, TLC, etc. (For another great book about Outkast, I suggest Hey Ya: The Unauthorized Biography of Outkast by Chris Nickson.) I always knew that the entertainment business was about perception, but he reiterated that as he gave the history of these groups. Many don't live the lifestyle they rap about, they just know that it sells and the more "shock value" the better. Many use that as a gateway and once established they start rapping about values and responsibilities, many times on deaf ears. Sarig points out that the largest consumers of rap music are white surburban teens. They want to escape their world and fantasize about the "hard life."
I learned a lot about the hustle and hard work of getting your voice heard. I didn't realize how much of rap is started in the underground world. I know there isn't much money in it until an artist reaches the status of Jay-Z, 50 Cent and Dr. Dre. I think because everything is constantly evolving, we are seeing a change in the lyrics. I know I'm sick of the gangster stuff, the bling, the women. I'm starting to notice that instead of sampling, many are coming up with their unique sound and Sarig discusses the different types like snap, bass and 808 beats.
It bothers me that people say they hate rap music without really giving it a chance. There are so many subgenres...gangstar, blues, country (Cowboy Troy), jazz, political, etc. The market is saturated with a lot of artists, most of them for the money, but there are some that need to be heard. Instead of focusing on the negative, look at the many foundations and charities these artist promote.
I've said it once and I'll say it again, hip hop is a movement. Let's move!
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Why?
I remember the hip hop song by Jadakiss in which he questioned things that are happening in the world around us. I stole his title because I want to question things that are happening in my house. LB is back in Oklahoma with his dad, so I'm left with DQ and LP. LP lately has become a mini version of DQ and that is why I'm about to pull my hair out.
The school year started in early August, so that means DQ is back to her usual social self. She is currently in the 7th grade and Jr. High School is a totally different scene. She no longer wants me to give her any advice on her clothes or hair. I try to think about my Jr. High years, I don't remember an obsession with clothes or hair. I really don't remember much, maybe something awful happened to me and I'm blocking those years out. I do remember finally being able to go to football and basketball games, so when DQ asked me if she could go to the game on Friday, I told her I'd think about it. That is now a closed subject because she lost $20 her dad had given her. Which brings me to my why. Why is she so careless? She said someone stole the money from her backpack which lead to my question, "Why would you put money in your backpack and not your pocket?" Her answer, shrugging her shoulders which only got my blood boiling. She kills me with her laissez-faire attitude about things. She has lost seveal things, including expensive gifts and she acts like it's no big deal. This lead me to go on a tantrum for about twenty minutes which after the first minute she probably heard, "blah, blah, blah." I refuse to buy her anything expensive, because she doesn't value anything. She spent $5 on fingernails at Wal-Mart and they lasted about two hours, a total waste.
My next why is why do I have to tell her to do the same thing every morning? I mean, I wake her up, tell her fifty times to actually get up and moving. I remind her to brush her teeth, wash her face, get her things. Some days I don't say anything just to see if she is going to do it, nope. I can't help but think the way she looks (and smells) is a reflection of me, so I refuse to let her go to school without taking care of personal hygiene, but it's frustrating to no end. I try to explain to her the importance of establishing a routine and I get the eye roll.
My next question is why do I have to go over the importance of reading and studying with her on a daily basis? When she walks through the door, I expect her to sit down at the table and do something for 30-45 minutes, but it's like pulling teeth, especially on the days where there is no homework assignment. I thought my love of reading would continue on with my children, but DQ refuses to do any recreational reading unless it's in the form of a magazine. She speeds through her homework and then it's the phone for the next two hours. I'm going to limit that phone time and make her focus more on her studies. It is my responsibility as a parent and after working in higher education for the past three years I know the importance of having a good foundation. She always says she doesn't want to go to Northwest, but if she doesn't buckle down and earn scholarships, that is where she will be.
Enough about DQ, now on to LP. LP started Kindergarten this year. I was a bit afraid of how she might respond because she has been in a program at Northwest for the past two years. She was one of ten children that recieved a lot of attention and instruction from our students enrolled in the Child Development Progam. I thought the lack of attention might cause problems, but it hasn't. I think bored is the word. They've been in school three weeks and last week her teacher started sending home a behavior chart. Smiley face= great day ; green mark=warning ; = half yellow=missed 1/2 of recess ; entire yellow=missed recess. So, out of twelve days, we have three smileys ; one entire yellow ; one half yellow and the rest green marks. It seems she just loves to talk, she doesn't talk to anyone in particular, she just talks. I explained to her that she has to be quiet and she may be disturbing others and I think she's calmed down a bit. I was relieved to find that all the students have a hard time the first of school and the last of school. Her teache assured me that as they learn the routine she will do better. I think her teacher is tough, but I like tough.
So LP is pretty wiped out at night and we all know what that means...temper tantrums. I just put her in the bathtub and the bed. Mornings are hard, she never wants to get up and she often hides in DQ's room to get a bit more rest. Going the motions with her every morning is okay, she's only five, but the drama has to stop!
The school year started in early August, so that means DQ is back to her usual social self. She is currently in the 7th grade and Jr. High School is a totally different scene. She no longer wants me to give her any advice on her clothes or hair. I try to think about my Jr. High years, I don't remember an obsession with clothes or hair. I really don't remember much, maybe something awful happened to me and I'm blocking those years out. I do remember finally being able to go to football and basketball games, so when DQ asked me if she could go to the game on Friday, I told her I'd think about it. That is now a closed subject because she lost $20 her dad had given her. Which brings me to my why. Why is she so careless? She said someone stole the money from her backpack which lead to my question, "Why would you put money in your backpack and not your pocket?" Her answer, shrugging her shoulders which only got my blood boiling. She kills me with her laissez-faire attitude about things. She has lost seveal things, including expensive gifts and she acts like it's no big deal. This lead me to go on a tantrum for about twenty minutes which after the first minute she probably heard, "blah, blah, blah." I refuse to buy her anything expensive, because she doesn't value anything. She spent $5 on fingernails at Wal-Mart and they lasted about two hours, a total waste.
My next why is why do I have to tell her to do the same thing every morning? I mean, I wake her up, tell her fifty times to actually get up and moving. I remind her to brush her teeth, wash her face, get her things. Some days I don't say anything just to see if she is going to do it, nope. I can't help but think the way she looks (and smells) is a reflection of me, so I refuse to let her go to school without taking care of personal hygiene, but it's frustrating to no end. I try to explain to her the importance of establishing a routine and I get the eye roll.
My next question is why do I have to go over the importance of reading and studying with her on a daily basis? When she walks through the door, I expect her to sit down at the table and do something for 30-45 minutes, but it's like pulling teeth, especially on the days where there is no homework assignment. I thought my love of reading would continue on with my children, but DQ refuses to do any recreational reading unless it's in the form of a magazine. She speeds through her homework and then it's the phone for the next two hours. I'm going to limit that phone time and make her focus more on her studies. It is my responsibility as a parent and after working in higher education for the past three years I know the importance of having a good foundation. She always says she doesn't want to go to Northwest, but if she doesn't buckle down and earn scholarships, that is where she will be.
Enough about DQ, now on to LP. LP started Kindergarten this year. I was a bit afraid of how she might respond because she has been in a program at Northwest for the past two years. She was one of ten children that recieved a lot of attention and instruction from our students enrolled in the Child Development Progam. I thought the lack of attention might cause problems, but it hasn't. I think bored is the word. They've been in school three weeks and last week her teacher started sending home a behavior chart. Smiley face= great day ; green mark=warning ; = half yellow=missed 1/2 of recess ; entire yellow=missed recess. So, out of twelve days, we have three smileys ; one entire yellow ; one half yellow and the rest green marks. It seems she just loves to talk, she doesn't talk to anyone in particular, she just talks. I explained to her that she has to be quiet and she may be disturbing others and I think she's calmed down a bit. I was relieved to find that all the students have a hard time the first of school and the last of school. Her teache assured me that as they learn the routine she will do better. I think her teacher is tough, but I like tough.
So LP is pretty wiped out at night and we all know what that means...temper tantrums. I just put her in the bathtub and the bed. Mornings are hard, she never wants to get up and she often hides in DQ's room to get a bit more rest. Going the motions with her every morning is okay, she's only five, but the drama has to stop!
Monday, August 27, 2007
Pimps Up, Ho's Down
When I saw the title Pimp's Up, Ho's Down: Hip-Hop's Hold on Young Black Women by T. Denean Sharpley-Whiting I thought finally someone is going to enlighten me on why women continue to bounce and shake in videos while the artist is usually referring to her in a degrading manner. I want to know why I still listen to it. I read the book and I'm still left wondering. I can honestly say that when I finished reading this book, I thought "huh?" The book jacket describes Whiting as an insider having grown up in midst of hip-hop's evolution. If that is supposed to add to her "expertise" then I could've written a book on the same subject, because Whiting is only a few years younger than me. Oh yeah, they also credit her work as a runway model and print model as experience. She is also a professor of African American and Diaspora studies at Vanderbilt University. I guess that explains all of the language, I had to have my dictionary on hand to read this book! That bugs me to no end, in an effort to make things "scholarly" or "intellectual" some writers feel they have to use big words.
Moving on, Whiting does argue that these women are just making a living like the rest of us and what they do is not who they are. Whiting was a model and that income helped put her through graduate school. I know there are women who use their "skills" (stripping, modeling, videos) because it is a lucrative income. But what about the young women who do it because of how it is portrayed in mass media? Whiting uses the movie The Player's Club as an example for both cases. One is stripping to help pay her college tuition, the other to just make money and get attention. Whiting's review of the movie is that "the movie is neither poorly written, nor directed, nor acted." Okay, I've seen this movie, the premise is great, but the acting is HORRIBLE. But considering that Whiting is a student of Michael Eric Dyson's, it's understandable that she would think that way. Despite that, I kept reading and found the chapters on groupies and strippers fascinating. But the book is filled with a lot of rhetoric and I left with the feeling that she doesn't want to "offend" anyone.
If you want to understand why hip-hop has a hold on Black women, I suggest the following titles: When Chickenheads Come Home to Roost by Joan Morgan and Shifting: The Double Lives of Black Women in America by Charisse Jones and Kumea Shorter-Gooden. Or you can just ask me. My credentials dont' include experience in "adult entertainement" but I am a Black women who listens to hip-hop and I came of age during the evolution of hip-hop.
In my quest to answer this question, I've been reading about more hip-hop. Hip-hop is not just music, it's a movement and though many are focused on the negative aspects, there are many positives. There are many subgenres of hip-hop. I know of such artists, but we have to remember everything tends to be commercialized and sex sells.
I have come to terms that I am of the hip-hop generation and instead of fighting it, I've learned to embrace it and all it stands for. Hip-hop is a way of life, it's thinking outside the box and realizing their is "more than one way to skin a cat." Change is good, everything continues to evolve. Embrace it, learn from it and grow.
Monday, August 20, 2007
What Color Are You?
| You Are a Yellow Crayon |
 Your world is colored with happy, warm, fun colors. You have a thoughtful and wise way about you. Some people might even consider you a genius. Charming and eloquent, you are able to get people to do things your way. While you seem spontaneous and free wheeling, you are calculating to the extreme. Your color wheel opposite is purple. You both are charismatic leaders, but purple people act like you have no depth. |
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Ghettonation
I just finished the book Ghettonation: A Journey Into the Land of Bling and Home of the Shameless by Cora Daniels. Her quest-- to find out what exactly it means to be ghetto. When the word was first introduced, it was a noun. It was where people lived, it begain with the segregation of Jews. As time passed it became lower income folks in large cities. But time has caused the word to evolve and it is now an adjective to describe crazy behavior. I guess you could equate it with the word redneck.
The first time I heard ghetto used to define a person was about ten years ago. The person was defined as ghetto because she did not graduate from high school, has served about five years in prison, had three children (all with different men), and did whatever she had to do to make ends meet. It was rare to hear the word to describe a person then, but now it is very commonplace.
Daniels explains that ghetto is not used to describe a particular group of people, but crosses all lines-- racial, age, socioeconomic, gender, and locale. It is behavior like renting a house and buying an expensive car, but it can also mean buying a huge house and not being able to afford furniture for it. It is a mindset of materialism instead of wealth building. We see it daily in kids who are dressed in all the latest fashions, but can't read. We hear it in our language-- baby daddy/mamma. She uses endless examples of how ghetto is now part of our culture.
Daniels has a unique perspective on the issue because she lives in Bedford-Stuyvesant neighborhood of Brooklyn and has a daily glimpse into the lives of those who are considered the epitome of "ghetto." She talked to people all over the States to find out what it means to be ghetto and why so many people think it's a compliment to be defined as such. We all know the strong influence that hip-hop has on our youth and that is probably the root of the problem. Cable has given our children access to much degredation and disrespect.
My problem with Daniels, is that she, like others discusses the problem and gives no solutions. She does talk about the lack of parenting that goes on now, but HOW do we solve it? It left me thinking of how I can make a difference in my family and community. I think we need to stop making excuses and pointing finges and take responsibility for what is happening.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Slade Family Reunion 2007
Last weekend the Slade Family celebrated it 33rd family reunion/get together. No, we haven't actually gotten together every year, but I can only remember a few years when we didn't do anything. My maternal grandparents, George and Carrie Slade started the tradition in their backyard in Montrose, Arkansas and what used to be them and their seven children has grown exponentially. We now alternate between Montrose and Milwaukee every summer.
I've been the family treasurer for the past few years and my duties go way beyond collecting dues. This year I took it upon myself to do everything from ordering t-shirts to preparing the food. I started at the beginning of the year thinking about what I wanted to do to celebrate our family. It seems that every year people always sit with the same group, so this year I wanted to stir things up a bit. My plans for the usual Friday night fish fry included having a getting "reaquainted" in which I passed around a questionnaire and once completed were entered into a drawing for door prizes. We also had a few games of bingo in which I received several threats for not calling certain people's numbers. Our menu cwas changed from catfish and consisted of finger foods. I prepared meat balls, little smokies, cheese dip, pasta salad, fruit and vegetable trays. I also made a cooler of sweet tea and had plenty of soda and water for all.
Our usual barbeque picnic was not on the schedule. Instead we had a ladies tea party and men's breakfast on Saturday morning. Yours truly was responsible for preparing the food for the men. Thankfully, my Uncle George helped me out. My aunts Betty and Marie did an awesome job of setting up the tea party. Not only were we treated to tasty sandwiches and dessert, we learned a lot about the history of tea. I think LP truly enjoyed it, afterall, she got to get a new dress for the event. We finished the day with the fish fry and I learned how to fry fish using an outdoor cooker.
We had catfish strips and fillets with french fries, hush puppies and green salad. My Aunt Gwen compiled a family cookbook and I got my copy hot off the press. She worked very hard, getting recipes from the Slades was a hard job I'm sure. What really adds value to the cookbook is that she included handwritten recipes from my grandmother, what a treasure.
My cousin, LaDonna has been working on the Slade Family genealogy for years, as long as I can remember. Her presentation was the highlight of the evening. My great-grandather, Malvern Slade was born in the 1800's to a slave in Louisiana. He was a mulatto, his mother Black and his father White. When his mother died he was passed along to a family who taught him to read and write. In fact, LaDonna has a copy of a letter he wrote to one of his daughters. In it, he states how important his family is to him and that obviously was passed on to his children. We learned that he fathered 23 children with two wives and LaDonna has found 19 of them! What an accomplishment, considering that records weren't kept on Blacks in the late 1800's and early 1900's. She shared with us pictures and information on those she had found. She has found that the man who owned my great great grandmother is buried in Snyder, Arkansas...about ten miles from Montrose, how ironic is that! It's fascinating to learn about family and we all appreciate all the hard work LaDonna has done.
So, after a successful reunion, we look forward to what the next year will bring. Apparently, I did a pretty good job. My cousin Mara called Monday with a list of plans she has for next year. Let the fun begin (again).
I've been the family treasurer for the past few years and my duties go way beyond collecting dues. This year I took it upon myself to do everything from ordering t-shirts to preparing the food. I started at the beginning of the year thinking about what I wanted to do to celebrate our family. It seems that every year people always sit with the same group, so this year I wanted to stir things up a bit. My plans for the usual Friday night fish fry included having a getting "reaquainted" in which I passed around a questionnaire and once completed were entered into a drawing for door prizes. We also had a few games of bingo in which I received several threats for not calling certain people's numbers. Our menu cwas changed from catfish and consisted of finger foods. I prepared meat balls, little smokies, cheese dip, pasta salad, fruit and vegetable trays. I also made a cooler of sweet tea and had plenty of soda and water for all.
Our usual barbeque picnic was not on the schedule. Instead we had a ladies tea party and men's breakfast on Saturday morning. Yours truly was responsible for preparing the food for the men. Thankfully, my Uncle George helped me out. My aunts Betty and Marie did an awesome job of setting up the tea party. Not only were we treated to tasty sandwiches and dessert, we learned a lot about the history of tea. I think LP truly enjoyed it, afterall, she got to get a new dress for the event. We finished the day with the fish fry and I learned how to fry fish using an outdoor cooker.
We had catfish strips and fillets with french fries, hush puppies and green salad. My Aunt Gwen compiled a family cookbook and I got my copy hot off the press. She worked very hard, getting recipes from the Slades was a hard job I'm sure. What really adds value to the cookbook is that she included handwritten recipes from my grandmother, what a treasure.
My cousin, LaDonna has been working on the Slade Family genealogy for years, as long as I can remember. Her presentation was the highlight of the evening. My great-grandather, Malvern Slade was born in the 1800's to a slave in Louisiana. He was a mulatto, his mother Black and his father White. When his mother died he was passed along to a family who taught him to read and write. In fact, LaDonna has a copy of a letter he wrote to one of his daughters. In it, he states how important his family is to him and that obviously was passed on to his children. We learned that he fathered 23 children with two wives and LaDonna has found 19 of them! What an accomplishment, considering that records weren't kept on Blacks in the late 1800's and early 1900's. She shared with us pictures and information on those she had found. She has found that the man who owned my great great grandmother is buried in Snyder, Arkansas...about ten miles from Montrose, how ironic is that! It's fascinating to learn about family and we all appreciate all the hard work LaDonna has done.
So, after a successful reunion, we look forward to what the next year will bring. Apparently, I did a pretty good job. My cousin Mara called Monday with a list of plans she has for next year. Let the fun begin (again).
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Ain't life grand?
Today I looked at the calendar and realized that July 1st is Sunday! I went into a panic as I learned that my summer vacation is flying by. I had no plans for this summer, I just wanted to enjoy some R&R and that is exactly what the kids and I have been doing the past three weeks. Thankfully, my mom came to pick them up when they got out of school for the summer and I enjoyed three days of quiet as I finished up at work. I then headed off to AR to pick up my bundles of joy. DQ spent a week with my parents as LP and LB drove me crazy during our week at home. Day 1: they venture outside while I'm on the computer, I go to check on them. I look around the front, no kids, the back, no kids. I call out to them...they are across the street checking out the neighbors puppies. Day 2: they venture out while I'm on the computer, I go to check on them. I look around the the front, no kids, the back, no kids. I call out to them...they are down the street looking for puppies. I decide the cannot go out while I'm on the computer. Day 3 and 4 are spent at the local MS Health Department. Check out my previous blog to learn about that horrific experience.
So we head back to AR the weekend to attend a cousin's funeral and spend the next week there. Thankfully, I took a couple of books with me or I would've died from boredom or possibly would have eaten myself into a coma. There is nothing to do and the closest town with a store/restaurant is twelve miles away. Of course the kids had a blast and I had to look for LB every night. He was out exploring with his cousin and having a good ole time.
We've been home for over a week now and life is grand. I've been catching up on my tv favorites such as Matlock and Murder, She Wrote. We've been staying up late every night to at least 12:00 am and sleeping in daily. By the time we get up and moving it's time to catch the afternoon episode of Matlock. Yesterday, we didn't leave the house one time and today would be the same if I didn't need to get a few groceries.
I'm truly enjoying the summer. I don't have any major trips/vacations planned, so there is no rush. Life is grand!
So we head back to AR the weekend to attend a cousin's funeral and spend the next week there. Thankfully, I took a couple of books with me or I would've died from boredom or possibly would have eaten myself into a coma. There is nothing to do and the closest town with a store/restaurant is twelve miles away. Of course the kids had a blast and I had to look for LB every night. He was out exploring with his cousin and having a good ole time.
We've been home for over a week now and life is grand. I've been catching up on my tv favorites such as Matlock and Murder, She Wrote. We've been staying up late every night to at least 12:00 am and sleeping in daily. By the time we get up and moving it's time to catch the afternoon episode of Matlock. Yesterday, we didn't leave the house one time and today would be the same if I didn't need to get a few groceries.
I'm truly enjoying the summer. I don't have any major trips/vacations planned, so there is no rush. Life is grand!
Thursday, June 21, 2007
He's not Muslim
Okay, I love Barack Obama and I had to come to his defense. I've heard several people say he is a Muslim. He is not! Obama is an Kenyan name. This I learned after reading his biography, Dreams of My Father. Obama tells the story of how important his family has been to his growth and development as a man, particularly as a Black man. Obama's mother is White and hails from Kansas and his father is Black and was from Africa. They met in Hawaii, while both were in graduate school. He understands life from a variety of views, having spent most of his years with his maternal grandparents, but lives life as a Black man. After reading this book, I learned why and how he became such a well rounded person and wants life to be better for ALL Americans. He spent time in third world countries and has seen and experienced poverty in its lowest form.
I encourage all to pick up this book and learn more about this fascinating man. He has a passion that stems from working with grassroots organizations. He has seen the struggles of the poor and working class. I haven't followed him as closely as I should, but I know that he is a man who is working for bipartisan government, so I know his opponents will be many. He has been criticized for many things, including not being Black enough. Go figure...
After reading this book, you will find that he has attended the Church of Christ since his days as a grassroots leader in Chicago. In fact, the title of his second book, The Audacity of Hope stems from a sermon he heard. So, please, before we start judging this man, or any other person, find and read the facts. When we receive messages that are gossip or rumors, check the facts. In fact, I always to to snopes.com to verify information.
Go Barack Obama!
I encourage all to pick up this book and learn more about this fascinating man. He has a passion that stems from working with grassroots organizations. He has seen the struggles of the poor and working class. I haven't followed him as closely as I should, but I know that he is a man who is working for bipartisan government, so I know his opponents will be many. He has been criticized for many things, including not being Black enough. Go figure...
After reading this book, you will find that he has attended the Church of Christ since his days as a grassroots leader in Chicago. In fact, the title of his second book, The Audacity of Hope stems from a sermon he heard. So, please, before we start judging this man, or any other person, find and read the facts. When we receive messages that are gossip or rumors, check the facts. In fact, I always to to snopes.com to verify information.
Go Barack Obama!
Monday, June 18, 2007
Their Eyes...
Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston was one of the best books I've ever read. It has been on my "to be read" stack for some time and is also on my summer reading challenge list. I knew I would be in Arkansas for a week and would need something to occupy my time, so I took the book with me. I am so thankful I did so because it was great company for two days! From the introduction by Edwidge Danticat, to the last page, I was hooked. I agree that this book should be considered a classic. The writing has transcended time.
Edwidge Danticat is the author of Breath, Eyes, Memory. I read that book about two years ago and was very impressed with Danticat's writing. It seems that Black women have the same issues wherever we're located on the globe. Danticat's introduction left me ready for Hurston's words. She explained why she considers it one of the best and I have to agree with her. Be sure to pick up the HarperCollins edition for Danticat's words.
As I began reading the book, I had to reread several passages because of the dialect, but adjusted quickly and was reminded that people in the South really do have our own way of speaking. Hurston does an excellent job of capturing the heart of us Southerners. The events take place in the 1930-40s, but are comparable to folks I know in my hometown in Southeast Arkansas.
Janie is the main character and the story follows her life. I loved Janie, she was such a strong woman and lived before her time. Many would say she was an idealist, but I beg to differ. She never gave up on her chance at true love and when it came she was ready. She decided to follow her heart and not the comments of others and for that I admired her. How many times do we worry about what others might think and say, even the year 2000?
So, hopefully, all of the books on my list will be as enjoyable as this and if so, this is going to be a great summer!
Edwidge Danticat is the author of Breath, Eyes, Memory. I read that book about two years ago and was very impressed with Danticat's writing. It seems that Black women have the same issues wherever we're located on the globe. Danticat's introduction left me ready for Hurston's words. She explained why she considers it one of the best and I have to agree with her. Be sure to pick up the HarperCollins edition for Danticat's words.
As I began reading the book, I had to reread several passages because of the dialect, but adjusted quickly and was reminded that people in the South really do have our own way of speaking. Hurston does an excellent job of capturing the heart of us Southerners. The events take place in the 1930-40s, but are comparable to folks I know in my hometown in Southeast Arkansas.
Janie is the main character and the story follows her life. I loved Janie, she was such a strong woman and lived before her time. Many would say she was an idealist, but I beg to differ. She never gave up on her chance at true love and when it came she was ready. She decided to follow her heart and not the comments of others and for that I admired her. How many times do we worry about what others might think and say, even the year 2000?
So, hopefully, all of the books on my list will be as enjoyable as this and if so, this is going to be a great summer!
Friday, June 08, 2007
Is Patience Really a Virtue?
Sometimes I wish I wasn't as nice and patient as I am. For instance, I visited my local health department to get LP ready for school. She needed three immunizations so she would be ready to go in August. I weighed my options, should I take her to the health department or the pediatrician? Schools in MS require that a form from the health department be filled out and signed to verify that that student has completed all immunizations and it's free, so the health department it was.
Day 1: Since we are out for the summer, our days have been very relaxed. We get up and out at 1:00 p.m. and when I get to building, I find it has been moved out to Brown Ferry Road. I have no idea where that is so I call and get the worst directions in America. I just drive aimlessly and am surprised when I find it. When I walk through the door, I see about six people and one in with the receptionist. Since they go by the number system, I wait for the lady to come out of the office. After fifteen minutes of waiting, I take it out as a sign of things to come and leave.
Day 2: We get up and out a bit earlier...11:00 a.m. We make it to the building, get a number and sit and sit and sit. I'm number 15, they call number 10 in for paperwork. I have a discussion with several women who are waiting and find out this is how it always is, no matter what time you arrive, you have to wait. They apparently have a new intercom system because they "test" it a million times! You hear the speaker come on, hold your breath that they are about to call the next number and they say "TEST." I thought I was going to lose my mind. At 12:30, they call number 15, I walk to the receptionist and she asks what service I need. I could have sworn I told her my daughter needed immunizations for school. When I tell her again, she announces that the nurse is about to go on her lunch break. I was very near my melting point...don't they understand I've been waiting for an hour and a half, with two kids and I have to do more waiting? They ask me if I can come back at 2:00 and I just want to slap them! But I don't, I ask if I will have to do more waiting and they assure me that I won't, I can walk straight in, so I agree.
Day 2 (again): I walk in and there sits about five people and of course, someone is in the office with the receptionist. I signal to her that I'm waiting and go to sit and sit and sit. Finally at 2:25, they call number 15 to clinic 3 and the nurse is sitting there waiting. It takes about five minutes for three shots. I must admit DQ was great. She didn't cry until the MMR because it stings a bit when it's injected. We go to the receptionist and she takes the form and asks me if I'll be paying today. Paying today? I thought they were free. No, fees are based on a sliding scale, my scale...$30. By this point, I'm boiling, but I just write a check and get the heck out with shot record in hand. I do plan to download a complaint form though. I don't expect much to come of it, afterall, I was told that that is the norm when dealing with the MS State Health Department.
Day 1: Since we are out for the summer, our days have been very relaxed. We get up and out at 1:00 p.m. and when I get to building, I find it has been moved out to Brown Ferry Road. I have no idea where that is so I call and get the worst directions in America. I just drive aimlessly and am surprised when I find it. When I walk through the door, I see about six people and one in with the receptionist. Since they go by the number system, I wait for the lady to come out of the office. After fifteen minutes of waiting, I take it out as a sign of things to come and leave.
Day 2: We get up and out a bit earlier...11:00 a.m. We make it to the building, get a number and sit and sit and sit. I'm number 15, they call number 10 in for paperwork. I have a discussion with several women who are waiting and find out this is how it always is, no matter what time you arrive, you have to wait. They apparently have a new intercom system because they "test" it a million times! You hear the speaker come on, hold your breath that they are about to call the next number and they say "TEST." I thought I was going to lose my mind. At 12:30, they call number 15, I walk to the receptionist and she asks what service I need. I could have sworn I told her my daughter needed immunizations for school. When I tell her again, she announces that the nurse is about to go on her lunch break. I was very near my melting point...don't they understand I've been waiting for an hour and a half, with two kids and I have to do more waiting? They ask me if I can come back at 2:00 and I just want to slap them! But I don't, I ask if I will have to do more waiting and they assure me that I won't, I can walk straight in, so I agree.
Day 2 (again): I walk in and there sits about five people and of course, someone is in the office with the receptionist. I signal to her that I'm waiting and go to sit and sit and sit. Finally at 2:25, they call number 15 to clinic 3 and the nurse is sitting there waiting. It takes about five minutes for three shots. I must admit DQ was great. She didn't cry until the MMR because it stings a bit when it's injected. We go to the receptionist and she takes the form and asks me if I'll be paying today. Paying today? I thought they were free. No, fees are based on a sliding scale, my scale...$30. By this point, I'm boiling, but I just write a check and get the heck out with shot record in hand. I do plan to download a complaint form though. I don't expect much to come of it, afterall, I was told that that is the norm when dealing with the MS State Health Department.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Friends first
Have you ever met someone and you've felt you've known them all your life? I've had that happen to me several times, but never with any one of the opposite sex. They've always been with other females, but soon the friendship fades. As a single woman, I've been looking (unsuccessfully) for companionship. I haven't been looking too hard because I'm a bit cautious and I'm pretty set in my ways, but sometimes I get lonely. I think that is why I completed a profile on Yahoo personals. The first time I did this, I met some pretty interesting characters and I began to question my desperation as I read profiles that included such phrases as "I'm looking for a nice clean woman." Nevertheless, I met a pretty interesting guy who teaches at Ole Miss and is from the same area of the country as I am and knew exactly where my hometown is. We talked off and on for several months and I think I scared him off when I told was competing in The Biggest Loser at NWCC. His last words were, "Do you need to lose that much weight?" I tried to reassure him that I am not obese, but I never heard from him again. And he was the most interesting guy who'd looked at my profile. Back to the drawing board.
A few weeks later I got a message from a guy in Alabama. He looked sane and left several messages, including a phone number. I waited until after Spring Break and gave him a call and we've been talking ever since. I talk to him about a lot of stuff and he just listens, never judges and I can be myself. Sometimes I ask him if I am too country for him and he quickly reminds me that he is a country boy. He seems to understand my frustrations of being a single mom and dealing with a selfish ex-husband. He is the father of four children and I think my stories and tales have changed his relationship with his children.
There are several things I like about this guy: 1) He is a hard worker. He currently has one full-time job and two part-time jobs. I guess after having a father who has always worked hard and instilled the same work ethic in me and my sister, I think all men should be providers. 2) He is a dedicated father. There have been times I haven't heard from him because he was busy with his children. I've reminded him several times that my kids come first. 3) He encourages me to be true to myself. I've dated (and even married) men who wanted me to be someone I couldn't. I'm just a Southern girl who is comfortable living a simple life. I'm not impressed by possessions, I love true people and try to be real in all that I do. 4) He seeks me. I hardly ever call him, he is always looking for me. I refuse to chase another man. Afterall, Proverbs states, "A man who finds a wife, finds a good thing." 5) He is honest and I know how he feels about things. He never agrees with me just to get along and he understands that people can agree to disagree.
So, I don't know where this is headed, but I'm having a great time just getting to know him better. When I first met him, he told me he is looking for a wife. I'm not looking for a husband at this point in my life, but who knows what will happen...
A few weeks later I got a message from a guy in Alabama. He looked sane and left several messages, including a phone number. I waited until after Spring Break and gave him a call and we've been talking ever since. I talk to him about a lot of stuff and he just listens, never judges and I can be myself. Sometimes I ask him if I am too country for him and he quickly reminds me that he is a country boy. He seems to understand my frustrations of being a single mom and dealing with a selfish ex-husband. He is the father of four children and I think my stories and tales have changed his relationship with his children.
There are several things I like about this guy: 1) He is a hard worker. He currently has one full-time job and two part-time jobs. I guess after having a father who has always worked hard and instilled the same work ethic in me and my sister, I think all men should be providers. 2) He is a dedicated father. There have been times I haven't heard from him because he was busy with his children. I've reminded him several times that my kids come first. 3) He encourages me to be true to myself. I've dated (and even married) men who wanted me to be someone I couldn't. I'm just a Southern girl who is comfortable living a simple life. I'm not impressed by possessions, I love true people and try to be real in all that I do. 4) He seeks me. I hardly ever call him, he is always looking for me. I refuse to chase another man. Afterall, Proverbs states, "A man who finds a wife, finds a good thing." 5) He is honest and I know how he feels about things. He never agrees with me just to get along and he understands that people can agree to disagree.
So, I don't know where this is headed, but I'm having a great time just getting to know him better. When I first met him, he told me he is looking for a wife. I'm not looking for a husband at this point in my life, but who knows what will happen...
Thursday, May 24, 2007
I Love My Job (pt. 2)
Some months ago, I wrote an entry describing why I love my job at Northwest. Well, recent events have caused me to again be thankful for such a wonderful job. Last week, my supervisor came and asked about summer plans and who was going to help me with my kids until my last day, May 31st. I told her about my ex not coming though (Confessions of a Single Mother, pt. 2) and she told me it would be okay to bring them with me on Thursday and Friday (the 24th and 25th). They could play on the computers, read books and watch movies in the viewing room. Afterall, the library will be closed until the start of summer school on the 30th and they wouldn't disturb anyone. Today, they got out at 12:00, so I met them at home and took them with me and LB had a blast on the computer. I practically had to pry him out of the chair. I promised tomorrow would be much of the same, so I'm sure he will be too excited to sleep tonight.
The kindness and generosity offered by my coworkers has made the transition to a new job, town and lifestyle so much easier. I share my triumphs and trials with them and they always support and understand me. Their words of encouragement have made such a difference. Again, I feel so fortunate and blessed to be surrounded by such wonderful folks.
Over the weekend, I had an interesting conversation with a younger cousin. She is from Springfield, Illinois and attends Tennessee State University in Nashville. She said when she finishes school she wants to stay in the South. In fact, she said Nashville is as far North as she wants to be. She said people in the South are different, in a good way. I tend to agree.
Thank you, my dear coworkers for all you are and all you do!
The kindness and generosity offered by my coworkers has made the transition to a new job, town and lifestyle so much easier. I share my triumphs and trials with them and they always support and understand me. Their words of encouragement have made such a difference. Again, I feel so fortunate and blessed to be surrounded by such wonderful folks.
Over the weekend, I had an interesting conversation with a younger cousin. She is from Springfield, Illinois and attends Tennessee State University in Nashville. She said when she finishes school she wants to stay in the South. In fact, she said Nashville is as far North as she wants to be. She said people in the South are different, in a good way. I tend to agree.
Thank you, my dear coworkers for all you are and all you do!
Monday, May 21, 2007
T-shirts...$50, gas...$3/gallon, family fun...priceless!
I had a wonderful weekend! I spent time getting to know my Wilson family a little better. Since the death of my Aunt Rosie a little over two years ago, my family has rekindled the flame that had gone out. Aunt Rosie hosted the first Wilson/Drumgoole reunion in her yard, and that was it. It was at Aunt Rosie's funeral that I saw cousins I hadn't seen in over twenty years and I vowed to keep in better touch with my family. I've always been close to my mother's family and I felt awful that I hadn't taken any effort to get to know my dad's family better. My Aunt Laura hosted the first "renewal" reuion in Dallas two years ago. I can't remember why I didn't make it, but when I was told of the good time had by all, I declared I'd never miss another. Last year, my dad and I made the trip to Peoria, Illinois and had a wonderful time. The crowd is not very large, but the love is and that is what matters most.
Each year the reunion is hosted by someone in the family. The host is responsible for all PR, food, logistics and activities. My cousin VW requested that the date be moved from Memorial Day to the weekend before because the Crawfish Festival would be in town (Dermott, AR) and that would give us someone to do during the down time. VW was on the ball, we got save the date letters before the end of 2006. We got t-shirt order forms in February. She did a great job of building anticipation. She told us to expect three fun-filled days at her new house.
Because of work related issues, I wasn't able to attend the Friday night festivities, but I heard she had a cake for a cousin who recently retired after thirty years of employment with the same company. She also had name buttons, so you wouldn't have to whisper, "Now who is that?"
Saturday I pulled into her yard to find a large moonwalk bouncy. She also had goody bags for the kids filled with beach balls, bubbles, sun visors and jump ropes. There was a volleyball net setup in the front yard. I continually thanked her, I mean, I didn't see my kids much, they were busy playing. I actually got to eat in peace! Speaking of eating, the menu was incredible and there seemed to be a never ending supply of catfish, cole slaw, spaghetti, french fries and hushpuppies. We also had pound cake and jamcake. YUMMY!
I usually go to the festival and walk around to find something different and interesting to eat, but this year I walked around to help my food digest. Sunday was much of the same because it was barbeque day...ribs, chicken, hot dogs, bratwursts, bake beans, mac and cheese. My cousin SS even made some cornbread dressing and turkey. Dessert included punchbowl cake, a tasty concoction of yellow cake, pudding, pineapples and whipped cream.
Needless to say, we had a great time. I try to visit and keep in touch with my family throughout the year, but it's always good to see someone physically, give hugs and catch up. The icing on the cake, Aunt Laura wants DQ to spend a week with her this summer! Priceless!
Each year the reunion is hosted by someone in the family. The host is responsible for all PR, food, logistics and activities. My cousin VW requested that the date be moved from Memorial Day to the weekend before because the Crawfish Festival would be in town (Dermott, AR) and that would give us someone to do during the down time. VW was on the ball, we got save the date letters before the end of 2006. We got t-shirt order forms in February. She did a great job of building anticipation. She told us to expect three fun-filled days at her new house.
Because of work related issues, I wasn't able to attend the Friday night festivities, but I heard she had a cake for a cousin who recently retired after thirty years of employment with the same company. She also had name buttons, so you wouldn't have to whisper, "Now who is that?"
Saturday I pulled into her yard to find a large moonwalk bouncy. She also had goody bags for the kids filled with beach balls, bubbles, sun visors and jump ropes. There was a volleyball net setup in the front yard. I continually thanked her, I mean, I didn't see my kids much, they were busy playing. I actually got to eat in peace! Speaking of eating, the menu was incredible and there seemed to be a never ending supply of catfish, cole slaw, spaghetti, french fries and hushpuppies. We also had pound cake and jamcake. YUMMY!
I usually go to the festival and walk around to find something different and interesting to eat, but this year I walked around to help my food digest. Sunday was much of the same because it was barbeque day...ribs, chicken, hot dogs, bratwursts, bake beans, mac and cheese. My cousin SS even made some cornbread dressing and turkey. Dessert included punchbowl cake, a tasty concoction of yellow cake, pudding, pineapples and whipped cream.
Needless to say, we had a great time. I try to visit and keep in touch with my family throughout the year, but it's always good to see someone physically, give hugs and catch up. The icing on the cake, Aunt Laura wants DQ to spend a week with her this summer! Priceless!
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Confessions of a Single Mother (pt.2)
About a month ago, my ex called and asked when the kids were getting out of school. I told him LP's last day is May 11th and I would take her to AR that weekend to spend some time with my parents. LB and DQ get out on the 25th and I hadn't made plans for their care yet. He told me that since his mother was with him for a while, I could just meet him halfway and he'd keep them for two weeks. She could watch them while he was at work. How exciting is that?! I didn't get too excited because he and his family are very flaky when it comes to anything, especially the kids. I didn't tell the kids, because I'd been down that road before and seeing them so disappointed is a heartbreaker. So, I was thinking about some of the things I could get done while they were gone. I was making tentative plans with friends and family, reminding them that I wouldn't believe it until the kids were in his car and I was on my way back home.
The call came about a week ago. He was taking his mother to Fort Smith to meet his sister...she was going home. But, she said she is going back, I mean, she left her car at his house. Okay, I wasn't expecting the call so soon, it caught me off guard, but I tried to remain calm. Afterall, I knew it was going to happen. I was upset with myself for even making tentative plans. He said if she didn't come back, all I had to do was take them to her house. His mother lives about twenty minutes from my folks. Don't count on it brother. I'll figure something out.
I called my mom and she said she could come over and stay with us for a couple of days. I really appreciate the gesture, but I feel like the air has been let out of my balloon. I don't have any me time, I need my hair trimmed, I would like to get a pedicure and can I go to the freakin' store by myself?! It would seem that since his mother was a single mother of three, she would understand what I'm going through. It sickens me to think that she would let her feelings toward me affect her relationship with her grandchildren.
So, now I've cancelled all of my plans. I'm trying to work out schedules so that my children will have adult supervision until my last day of work, May 31st. I know my family will come through, they always have. But my kids are not their responsibility and I don't want to be a burden to anyone. Single motherhood...but I must admit, I enjoy my peace and the freedom to do what I want, when I want. I guess there's a trade-off in anything.
The call came about a week ago. He was taking his mother to Fort Smith to meet his sister...she was going home. But, she said she is going back, I mean, she left her car at his house. Okay, I wasn't expecting the call so soon, it caught me off guard, but I tried to remain calm. Afterall, I knew it was going to happen. I was upset with myself for even making tentative plans. He said if she didn't come back, all I had to do was take them to her house. His mother lives about twenty minutes from my folks. Don't count on it brother. I'll figure something out.
I called my mom and she said she could come over and stay with us for a couple of days. I really appreciate the gesture, but I feel like the air has been let out of my balloon. I don't have any me time, I need my hair trimmed, I would like to get a pedicure and can I go to the freakin' store by myself?! It would seem that since his mother was a single mother of three, she would understand what I'm going through. It sickens me to think that she would let her feelings toward me affect her relationship with her grandchildren.
So, now I've cancelled all of my plans. I'm trying to work out schedules so that my children will have adult supervision until my last day of work, May 31st. I know my family will come through, they always have. But my kids are not their responsibility and I don't want to be a burden to anyone. Single motherhood...but I must admit, I enjoy my peace and the freedom to do what I want, when I want. I guess there's a trade-off in anything.
Monday, May 07, 2007
(Don't) Pass It On...pt.2
A few months ago, I wrote about the passing along of emails that warns that to prove you are a believer, the message must be passed on. I still continue to get those little annoying messages, but yesterday I got the straw that broke the camel's back. I was watching Joel Osteen talk about letting our lifestyles reflect what we believe when my cell phone beeped. I had a text message. Usually, I only get texts from my cousin AF, passing on a joke. But instead of the 253 area code, it was a 414 number. Since I have tons of family that live in Milwaukee, I opened the message ready to read about the latest family news. To my surprise, the message reads, "If you love the Lord and you're glad he woke you up today send this to 10 people and watch what He does to you within a few minutes." Okay, so not only did I have to pay fifteen cents for opening the message, but I was going to have to pay 10 fifteen cents to forward it. I spent the next few minutes wondering who sent it to me than worrying about what might happen if I kept it going. Needless to say, I did not forward the message. But I did go to bed last night wondering if I missed out on winning the Publisher Clearing House sweepstakes.
Seriously, I think we need to take Osteen's word to heart. He explained that we need to live a life that reflects what we believe. Somehow I don't think passing on an email message is proof of my love for God. I think helping someone in need or saying a kind word is much more a testament. I mean think about it, most of the time the people we pass the message on to are believers so what's the point? Talk about preaching to the choir. As believers we are commissioned to go out and spread God's love and I don't think we do that by forwarding email, and now, text messages.
Seriously, I think we need to take Osteen's word to heart. He explained that we need to live a life that reflects what we believe. Somehow I don't think passing on an email message is proof of my love for God. I think helping someone in need or saying a kind word is much more a testament. I mean think about it, most of the time the people we pass the message on to are believers so what's the point? Talk about preaching to the choir. As believers we are commissioned to go out and spread God's love and I don't think we do that by forwarding email, and now, text messages.
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Confessions of a Single Mother
I am a single mother. Being a single mom is not something I planned. I always thought that I would have a husband to complete my family. At one time I did have that family, but circumstances beyond my control brought forth my current situation. When I think about those years, I realize I was always a single mother with an adult child as well. I was married, but have always done the child rearing alone. This adult child required the same, if not more attention than the kids and I was sick of walking around on eggshells. His low self-esteem brought much grief to my life and I left because of safety and sanity reasons.
Now that I've been on my own for a little over four years, I must say things have changed, but remained the same. I no longer have to worry about the grief I might get over decisions I make. Now I can simply hang up the phone. I mean, if you don't get off your butt to do something, how can you criticize the person who does?! I don't have to deal with the ex, but his spirit lives on in DQ and that my friends, is enough to drive the most sane person bananas. I mean, who do they think they are that they can tell me what to do and how to do it?! For instance, I took the kids to the park last week, I could walk and they could play. Well, DQ was ready to go, so she followed me and complained. I told her to go have a seat until I was ready to go. Her dad bought her a cell phone for her birthday, so she proceeded to call him and tell on me. Minutes later, my phone rings and he is questioning why I've been at the park for an hour with the kids crying to go home. I quickly informed him that I'm an adult, and just because DQ was ready didn't mean I was leaving. Furthermore, it wasn't his place to call me with questions, he should've been telling DQ to sit tight until I was ready to go. That, my friends is one example of the extremes I have to deal with. Maybe now, some will understand why I had to move. There was no way we could live in the same city.
Many people comment on how well I handle single motherhood and sometimes I explain that I feel like I've always been a single mother. Most of the time I just smile and think to myself of the many nights I'm stressed to the limit wondering about childcare, buying needed clothes and shoes and even about paying for their lunch. In the end, it all works out and everyone has been so supportive. For those who are reading this, THANK YOU!
Now that I've been on my own for a little over four years, I must say things have changed, but remained the same. I no longer have to worry about the grief I might get over decisions I make. Now I can simply hang up the phone. I mean, if you don't get off your butt to do something, how can you criticize the person who does?! I don't have to deal with the ex, but his spirit lives on in DQ and that my friends, is enough to drive the most sane person bananas. I mean, who do they think they are that they can tell me what to do and how to do it?! For instance, I took the kids to the park last week, I could walk and they could play. Well, DQ was ready to go, so she followed me and complained. I told her to go have a seat until I was ready to go. Her dad bought her a cell phone for her birthday, so she proceeded to call him and tell on me. Minutes later, my phone rings and he is questioning why I've been at the park for an hour with the kids crying to go home. I quickly informed him that I'm an adult, and just because DQ was ready didn't mean I was leaving. Furthermore, it wasn't his place to call me with questions, he should've been telling DQ to sit tight until I was ready to go. That, my friends is one example of the extremes I have to deal with. Maybe now, some will understand why I had to move. There was no way we could live in the same city.
Many people comment on how well I handle single motherhood and sometimes I explain that I feel like I've always been a single mother. Most of the time I just smile and think to myself of the many nights I'm stressed to the limit wondering about childcare, buying needed clothes and shoes and even about paying for their lunch. In the end, it all works out and everyone has been so supportive. For those who are reading this, THANK YOU!
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
My Summer Reading Challenge
If you've visited maggiereads, you'll know she has challenged us to read some southern authors this summer. I don't know if I have an interest in reading southern authors in particular, but it did make me think about challenging myself to read some of the classics by African American authors. I really started thinking about it as I catalogued a few books by W.E.B. Dubois and James Baldwin. I did a google search to find out what is considered classic literature by African American authors and found a wide range of material. After comparing lists, I've narrowed my choices down and hopefully someone will join me.
My choices include:
Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston
Fire Next Time by James Baldwin
The Mis-Education of the Negro by Carter G. Woodson
The Souls of Black Folk by W.E.B. DuBois
Race Matters by Cornel West
Up From Slavery by Booker T. Washington
Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison
These I've already read, but I think I will revisit:
The Color Purple by Alice Walker
Beloved by Toni Morrison
Native Son by Richard Wright
I realize my list is a small fraction of material considered as classics, but hey, I only have the summer to do all of this reading. I think it's a pretty ambitious list and I think Maggie will be happy to see I've chosen a few Southern authors.
My choices include:
Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston
Fire Next Time by James Baldwin
The Mis-Education of the Negro by Carter G. Woodson
The Souls of Black Folk by W.E.B. DuBois
Race Matters by Cornel West
Up From Slavery by Booker T. Washington
Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison
These I've already read, but I think I will revisit:
The Color Purple by Alice Walker
Beloved by Toni Morrison
Native Son by Richard Wright
I realize my list is a small fraction of material considered as classics, but hey, I only have the summer to do all of this reading. I think it's a pretty ambitious list and I think Maggie will be happy to see I've chosen a few Southern authors.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Country, ghetto...whatever!
Last night, I was on the phone with a friend who lives in a large midwestern city and I told him that if it hadn't been raining I was going to mow my grass. He then asked what I meant by mow. I told him again and he just acted like he'd never heard that expression before and I told him mow and cut the grass are the same thing. He asked why I just didn't say cut the grass, why would I when mow in one word means the same as cut the grass in three? I told him I use a lawn mower, so mow is the verb of what I'm doing with it. He just tsked and added it to his list of things that he considered makes me a country, uninformed woman.
Lately, this guy has been really getting under my skin with his insinuations that because I come from a small town in Arkansas that I am stupid. I have known this guy for over 25 years. He, his sister and brother would spend every summer with their grandparents who lived down the street from my family. In fact, we had a mutual fondness for each other, but my mom wasn't having it, so he got passed around by all the other girls in town. Time passed and we grew apart, but circumstances allowed us to be reunited about three years ago. It was during Thanksgiving 2003, we were both in town for Thanksgiving and bumped into each other. We talked for hours and exchanged phone numbers. Our relationship and friendship grew and at one point I thought maybe he was the one. I ignored all of his comments regarding my ignorance about stuff. If I didn't understand something, he just dismissed as being stupid because I come from a small town. He just couldn't understand why people would want to live in a small town. I informed him that some people like small town life and if they want something to do, they could always drive to a nearby larger city. He would comment on the fact that people had to drive to nearby towns for work, but think about it, in larger cities, a drive across town can take just as long. I've lived in large cities and small towns and honestly, I prefer small town life. I guess if I'd spent my entire life in a large city, I'd probably prefer it over the small town.
Anyway, I've tried to explain to this guy that small city does not equate stupid. I realize he is not alone in his thinking. The media portrays people from the South as stupid, rednecks and illiterate. There are thousands of brilliant people who hail from the South. As a reader, I think of Alice Walker, Eric Jerome Dickey, E. Lynn Harris and Richard Wright. I also don't think I am stupid or dumb by any means. I don't equate knowing the lastest trends or gossip or even the latest slang terms and being stupid. If I happen to talk loud, he accuses me of being county. I spent two weeks in Milwaukee, Wisconsin last year and had the pleasure of attending a barbecue on the 4th of July. The family who hosted the event was so friendly, I laughed and told my cousin, I felt like I was in Montrose! So I don't think that where you lives makes a person, it is what is on the inside. I had to laugh during the same conversation when I asked him if he likes asparagus and he said he doesn't know what it is!
Lately, this guy has been really getting under my skin with his insinuations that because I come from a small town in Arkansas that I am stupid. I have known this guy for over 25 years. He, his sister and brother would spend every summer with their grandparents who lived down the street from my family. In fact, we had a mutual fondness for each other, but my mom wasn't having it, so he got passed around by all the other girls in town. Time passed and we grew apart, but circumstances allowed us to be reunited about three years ago. It was during Thanksgiving 2003, we were both in town for Thanksgiving and bumped into each other. We talked for hours and exchanged phone numbers. Our relationship and friendship grew and at one point I thought maybe he was the one. I ignored all of his comments regarding my ignorance about stuff. If I didn't understand something, he just dismissed as being stupid because I come from a small town. He just couldn't understand why people would want to live in a small town. I informed him that some people like small town life and if they want something to do, they could always drive to a nearby larger city. He would comment on the fact that people had to drive to nearby towns for work, but think about it, in larger cities, a drive across town can take just as long. I've lived in large cities and small towns and honestly, I prefer small town life. I guess if I'd spent my entire life in a large city, I'd probably prefer it over the small town.
Anyway, I've tried to explain to this guy that small city does not equate stupid. I realize he is not alone in his thinking. The media portrays people from the South as stupid, rednecks and illiterate. There are thousands of brilliant people who hail from the South. As a reader, I think of Alice Walker, Eric Jerome Dickey, E. Lynn Harris and Richard Wright. I also don't think I am stupid or dumb by any means. I don't equate knowing the lastest trends or gossip or even the latest slang terms and being stupid. If I happen to talk loud, he accuses me of being county. I spent two weeks in Milwaukee, Wisconsin last year and had the pleasure of attending a barbecue on the 4th of July. The family who hosted the event was so friendly, I laughed and told my cousin, I felt like I was in Montrose! So I don't think that where you lives makes a person, it is what is on the inside. I had to laugh during the same conversation when I asked him if he likes asparagus and he said he doesn't know what it is!
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Dear Mr. Imus...
I'm writing this letter to let you know how I feel about your remarks. I am an African American woman with two daughters. My first thoughts were that you called someone's daughter, sister and perhaps mother a nappyheaded ho. I was angry and saddened, but not surprised. We do live in a world where racism exists...always has, always will. I know your show insults and slams people, but usually they are well known and have done something deserving, these young ladies did nothing but play hard and make it to the championship game, not deserving of being called nappy headed hos. I don't think I equate your comments with being a racist, I think you just got caught up in the hype and the heat of the moment. I hear black people make demeaning comments about people of other races, but I wouldn't label them racist. I think racism is seen in actions, not words.
My next thoughts then went to why you would call them such. Where in the world would you, a middle aged White man hear such words? I then had to get angy with the African American community. We often degrade and call each other demeaning names. Our comedians and musicians lace their shows and songs with words such as hos, tricks, and *itches, referring to Black women. I then asked myself, why do we as a community just let that pass, but the minute a White person uses such expressions we get angry. I guess it's the same as when I talk about my kids, mother, sister, or father, but no one else better not say one negative word or I'll defend them. But that doesn't make it right does it?
So as I watch the media make a circus out of this, I feel saddened. I'm sad because instead of using this to talk about racism and how it is a taught behavior, there are people calling for your firing. How is that going to help? It will just breed more contempt and hatred. People are saying that racism should not be tolerated in any workplace, again, I say, wake up. Firing one person is not going to change things. We have to change the way people think and their perceptions. I'm saddened because Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton are using this as a publicity stint instead of addressing the real issues. We need to be a proactive people and deal with our own issues, instead of being reactive. We wait until something happens or someone says something to start addressing issues. We need real leaders who aren't afraid to stand up to ANYONE, even our own people to bring change. Jackson and Sharpton do not speak for me. You have apologized and the Rutgers women's basketball team has agreed to meet with you so they can understand why you said those things. If they can move on, so can we. Isn't life about forgiveness? I mean don't both Sharpton and Jackson have the Reverend title? I'm sad because these women should be celebrating their accomplishments, but now have to deal with the media, and I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy.
So I hope you've learned something from this and I hope that this will help people. I try to base my feelings on people individually, not as a group. This incident has helped me to remember to do so.
My next thoughts then went to why you would call them such. Where in the world would you, a middle aged White man hear such words? I then had to get angy with the African American community. We often degrade and call each other demeaning names. Our comedians and musicians lace their shows and songs with words such as hos, tricks, and *itches, referring to Black women. I then asked myself, why do we as a community just let that pass, but the minute a White person uses such expressions we get angry. I guess it's the same as when I talk about my kids, mother, sister, or father, but no one else better not say one negative word or I'll defend them. But that doesn't make it right does it?
So as I watch the media make a circus out of this, I feel saddened. I'm sad because instead of using this to talk about racism and how it is a taught behavior, there are people calling for your firing. How is that going to help? It will just breed more contempt and hatred. People are saying that racism should not be tolerated in any workplace, again, I say, wake up. Firing one person is not going to change things. We have to change the way people think and their perceptions. I'm saddened because Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton are using this as a publicity stint instead of addressing the real issues. We need to be a proactive people and deal with our own issues, instead of being reactive. We wait until something happens or someone says something to start addressing issues. We need real leaders who aren't afraid to stand up to ANYONE, even our own people to bring change. Jackson and Sharpton do not speak for me. You have apologized and the Rutgers women's basketball team has agreed to meet with you so they can understand why you said those things. If they can move on, so can we. Isn't life about forgiveness? I mean don't both Sharpton and Jackson have the Reverend title? I'm sad because these women should be celebrating their accomplishments, but now have to deal with the media, and I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy.
So I hope you've learned something from this and I hope that this will help people. I try to base my feelings on people individually, not as a group. This incident has helped me to remember to do so.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
He's playing basketball!
LB has redeemed himself. The week before Spring Break, the PE teacher/coach sent a note home informing parents that the city basketball league would have tryouts the week of Spring Break. I was a bit disappointed because LB loves b-ball and would miss the tryouts due to our trip to AR. He didn't say much about it, afterall, he was looking forward to riding his bike and playing. We had a great Spring Break and returned home to find that he would still be able to try out.
Tryouts were held March 31st due to the low turnout during Spring Break. The night before LB reminded me several times the time would be 10:00 am. He even suggested I write myself a note so that I wouldn't forget. Oh yeah, he also asked me to wake him up at 9:00 so he could "get ready." As I watched him prepare, he reminded me of myself. I hate surprises, so I always try to have everything laid out the night before. LB studied his clothes for about thirty minutes, finally deciding on red shirts, a red Nike t-shirt, long white socks and his new Reeboks. He also took his bath and went to bed at 10:00. For those of you who know LB, 10:00 is early, especially on the weekend.
The next day he was up at 7:30 am! I told him he had over two hours, so he watched tv, had breakfast and rushed us out the house. The tryouts were pretty interesting. Skills ranged from great to those who couldn't dribble/shoot. LB was somewhere in the middle. The thing with LB is that whatever he does, he always gives 100% and watching him work so hard made me proud. I was cheering him on from the bleachers. I wonder what I'm going to do when he actually plays in a game?!
So Coach C told the boys to write down their phone numbers and he would call them if they made the team. He told the boys not to ask him about it at school, he would call. As the days passed this week, we waited for the call and LB told me that if he didn't make it, he would be okay. He knows that our summers are filled with days in AR and OKC and he is looking forward to being reunited with his dad.
Today I went to pick LB up from school and I saw Coach C. He told me that LB made the team! LB just smiled and wanted to call his dad with the good news. He then told me he was ready for his haircut!
Tryouts were held March 31st due to the low turnout during Spring Break. The night before LB reminded me several times the time would be 10:00 am. He even suggested I write myself a note so that I wouldn't forget. Oh yeah, he also asked me to wake him up at 9:00 so he could "get ready." As I watched him prepare, he reminded me of myself. I hate surprises, so I always try to have everything laid out the night before. LB studied his clothes for about thirty minutes, finally deciding on red shirts, a red Nike t-shirt, long white socks and his new Reeboks. He also took his bath and went to bed at 10:00. For those of you who know LB, 10:00 is early, especially on the weekend.
The next day he was up at 7:30 am! I told him he had over two hours, so he watched tv, had breakfast and rushed us out the house. The tryouts were pretty interesting. Skills ranged from great to those who couldn't dribble/shoot. LB was somewhere in the middle. The thing with LB is that whatever he does, he always gives 100% and watching him work so hard made me proud. I was cheering him on from the bleachers. I wonder what I'm going to do when he actually plays in a game?!
So Coach C told the boys to write down their phone numbers and he would call them if they made the team. He told the boys not to ask him about it at school, he would call. As the days passed this week, we waited for the call and LB told me that if he didn't make it, he would be okay. He knows that our summers are filled with days in AR and OKC and he is looking forward to being reunited with his dad.
Today I went to pick LB up from school and I saw Coach C. He told me that LB made the team! LB just smiled and wanted to call his dad with the good news. He then told me he was ready for his haircut!
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
The Biggest Loser
In an effort to promote wellness and health, NWCC has challenged faculty and staff with its version of The Biggest Loser. The Biggest Loser airs on NBC and is actually the only reality program that I enjoy. I guess it's because the contestants are actually doing something that is good for them. Contestants are taught that weight loss and good health is not about a life of diets, but a lifestyle. There are usually two teams and each week contestants weigh in and the team with highest percentage of weigh loss doesn't have to vote a member off-- that's for the losing team. To hear the contestants talk about their struggles and to watch weekly as they tranform is so inspiring. I encourage anyone who is lacking the motivation to get started to watch this program the next time it airs.
So, NWCC fitness instructor, MW came up with his version for faculty and staff. Different departments on campus have teams of four that are competing. The competiton began on March 1st with everyone weighing in. As I looked at my weight, I was stunned, what in the world have I been eating?! At that time we were also given a pedometer so we would know how many steps we take daily. 10,000 steps to maintain current weight, 12,000 for weight loss. For those of you who think you walk a lot during the day, I encourage you to buy a pedometer, you'll be amazed at how little you actually walk. The first two days of walking consisted of about 6000 steps. Having the pedometer has been a big motivator, I try to walk at least 10,000, aiming for 12,000 four times a week.
So, I know you're wondering, how does this program work? Well, as I mentioned, everyone weighed in the first day. Weights were recorded and pedometers given. We get one point for taking at least 12,000 steps, the maximum being four points per week. We get two points for having our blood pressure checked every two weeks, and we get one point for each pound lost. I am on the Lean, Mean Library Team and our team leader, MLL, is married to a coach, so we all know what that means-- win or die! She walks on Tuesdays and Thursday at 12:30 and the first time I joined her, I thought I was going to die! I lost three pounds that week, I'm sure it was sweated off trying to keep up with her! Since then, I have upped my speed so that I won't appear to be a wimp when I walk with her and RL, another team member. It's a challenge to walk 12,000 four times a week, but when I do, it's such an amazing accomplishment.
We were trying to monitor our weight weekly because after I lost those three pounds the first week, I was pumped! The second week, I lost two more pounds and I was ecstatic and began to watch portion sizes and increase my steps. The third week, I enter the weight room to find that the scale is gone...and it's has yet to be returned. Hopefully by the time it's returned, I will have lost ten pounds. The blood pressure checks have been good. The first week, I was a little high, but I'm sure it was due to stress. The nurse assured me that since I was walking and watching portions it would go down and the next week, it was much better. That, coupled with the weight loss have been such a motivator for me. I see an increase in my energy and that is what all single parents need...more energy!
So, we are currently in week five-- the half way mark and I feel great. I was informed that there will be individual and team prizes, so my interest has really piqued. We weigh in on May 10th, so I'm going into overdrive now!
So, NWCC fitness instructor, MW came up with his version for faculty and staff. Different departments on campus have teams of four that are competing. The competiton began on March 1st with everyone weighing in. As I looked at my weight, I was stunned, what in the world have I been eating?! At that time we were also given a pedometer so we would know how many steps we take daily. 10,000 steps to maintain current weight, 12,000 for weight loss. For those of you who think you walk a lot during the day, I encourage you to buy a pedometer, you'll be amazed at how little you actually walk. The first two days of walking consisted of about 6000 steps. Having the pedometer has been a big motivator, I try to walk at least 10,000, aiming for 12,000 four times a week.
So, I know you're wondering, how does this program work? Well, as I mentioned, everyone weighed in the first day. Weights were recorded and pedometers given. We get one point for taking at least 12,000 steps, the maximum being four points per week. We get two points for having our blood pressure checked every two weeks, and we get one point for each pound lost. I am on the Lean, Mean Library Team and our team leader, MLL, is married to a coach, so we all know what that means-- win or die! She walks on Tuesdays and Thursday at 12:30 and the first time I joined her, I thought I was going to die! I lost three pounds that week, I'm sure it was sweated off trying to keep up with her! Since then, I have upped my speed so that I won't appear to be a wimp when I walk with her and RL, another team member. It's a challenge to walk 12,000 four times a week, but when I do, it's such an amazing accomplishment.
We were trying to monitor our weight weekly because after I lost those three pounds the first week, I was pumped! The second week, I lost two more pounds and I was ecstatic and began to watch portion sizes and increase my steps. The third week, I enter the weight room to find that the scale is gone...and it's has yet to be returned. Hopefully by the time it's returned, I will have lost ten pounds. The blood pressure checks have been good. The first week, I was a little high, but I'm sure it was due to stress. The nurse assured me that since I was walking and watching portions it would go down and the next week, it was much better. That, coupled with the weight loss have been such a motivator for me. I see an increase in my energy and that is what all single parents need...more energy!
So, we are currently in week five-- the half way mark and I feel great. I was informed that there will be individual and team prizes, so my interest has really piqued. We weigh in on May 10th, so I'm going into overdrive now!
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