Listen!

I recently saw the movie Dreamgirls and it is now one of my favorites. I think I feel this way because I could identify with all three of the female lead characters. I saw myself in Effie as she struggled with having her talent discounted by the man who claim he loved her. I saw myself in Lorrell, whose insecurities led her to believe that she deserved seconds. But the strongest connection was with Deena, her innocence and naivety exploited by a control freak. Jamie Foxx does an excellent job of portraying Curtis Taylor, Jr. Curtis manipulated everything and everyone around him and quickly has Deena under his thumb and uses the excuse of love to control and dominate her. My heart went out to her as he told her that the reason he chose her to sing lead was because her singing had no personality and he felt he could mold her. I saw her shrink and I knew that feeling.

Many times people judge women in abusive and controlling relationships. They think the women are weak and should just leave, but clearly it is not always that easy. As seen in this movie, Curtis was her source-- financially and mentally. Throughout the years of their marriage his mind games led her to believe that she was who she was because of him. It's not until she is singing the song Listen that she realizes what has happened to her and begins to stand up for herself. That song is so powerful. I have Beyonce's CD and although I heard the song, I never really listened to the words until after I saw the movie. Check them out:


Listen, To the song here in my heart
A melody I've start But can't complete
Listen, to the sound from deep within
It's only beginning to find release
Oh, the time has come for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned Into your own all cause you won't Listen....

[Chorus]Listen,I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home, in my own home
And I tried and tried To say whats on my mind
You should have known
Oh, Now I'm done believin you
You don't know what I'm feelin
I'm more than what, you made of me
I followed the voice you gave to me
But now I gotta find, my own..

You should have listened
There is someone here inside
Someone I'd thought had died So long ago
Ohh I'm free now and my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned Into your own All cause you won't Listen...

[Chorus]I don't know where I belong
But i'll be movin on
If you don't....If you won't....LISTEN...
To the song here in my heart
A melody I've start But I will complete
Oh,Now i'm done believin you
You dont know what I'm feelin
I'm more than what, you made of me I followed the voice, you think you gave to me
But now I gotta find, my own...

Deena realizes that she is more that Curtis has lead her to believe she is and that she has her own dreams and ambitions. It is her defining moment. I remember my defining moment and I just thank God it came before there was any physical harm. My mental and emotional state were not in great shape, but I am an overcomer and I find strength in the words of that song. I had a relaspe recently and let someone else's opinion cause doubt in a decision I made. It took a couple of days for me to realize that I was letting that person control me by focusing on his words. I had to repent and thank God for blessing me as He has. I also called my biggest supporters and let their words of encouragement soak into my psyche. I thank God for placing so many postive people in my life who LISTEN.

Happy New Year!

I'm back from another trip, we spent five nights and four days in Arkansas and I feel like I've gained fifty pounds. My mom's three sisters and two nieces were visiting from Wisconsin and we spent days talking, laughing and eating. As we prepared breakfast each morning, we'd plan the menu for the day and many times sampled dishes as they were finished. My favorite meal was cooked on New Year's Eve. We had my dad's fried chicken, my aunt's sweet potato souffle, and I even made a skillet of fried cabbage and baked the cornbread. In a close second place is the trip the Mexican restaurant in Lake Village, I had flautas and a wonderful Pina Colada, the salsa and chips were tasty and the kids got a belly full and didn't touch their entrees. Third place, the barbeque New Year's meal. My dad grilled chicken, hot links and bratwurts to go with the corn on the cob, field peas, baked beans, potato salad and deviled eggs. YUM!

I didn't spend all my time eating, I visited family and friends and went out on a date New Year's Eve! I had a great time and who knows, we might even go out again. I got to see family and friends and my kids' grandmother and aunt came and picked them up for two days! They enjoyed themselves and came back with more stuffed animals. They are going to drive me insane with the puppetry!

2006 was a great year! I have been so fortunate and blessed and look forward to the challenges and changes of the new year. For now, I have to get rid of the pounds I packed on during the Holiday Season.