Happy Holidays

Well, I survived Christmas, bring on New Year's Eve! My last day of work was December 19th and I was really looking forward to Christmas Break this year. I have lots of plans for my house and I wanted to spend a few days painting, along with moving and arranging furniture. My plans have been put on hold because the first few days included babysitting a friend of DQ. I don't mind because I know how it is to be new in town and wary of entrusting the little ones to just anybody. Little did I know that I would be subject to a giggle fest and cries of hunger throughout the day. I'm not kidding-- I didn't know girls could eat so much. This friend got an Ipod for Christmas, which led DQ on a mission to beg, cry and plead for one as well. She tried to explain the many benefits of the Ipod, but I refuse to listen, the price alone in enough for an automatic NO! I bought DQ a MP3 player for Christmas last year-- it is now in my possession because she never used it. She assured me the Ipod is much cooler and you can do much more than listen to music and audiobooks. The begging and crying and "I'm not going to talk to you until you give in" went on for a few days, but I didn't give in and much to my delight, neither did her dad. We've spent hundreds on dollar on gadgets only to see them bite the dust in a few weeks. I bought her gift in October and after much snooping she already knew what is was and had the nerve to ask me to return it for an Ipod. Now, it was just the principle of the matter-- no Ipod.

We spent Christmas in OKC, visiting their dad and my sister and family and had a good time. I braved the rush and went to the malls, Target and Wal-Mart both Saturday and Sunday and to my surprise, it wasn't as bad as I'd expected. Maybe because all of my purchases had been made and I could just walk around and look at all the panic and mayhem. The kids were excited and stayed up until 12:00 am Sunday night in anticipation of opening gifts, but we didn't let them. They eventually fell asleep and we had to wake them up Christmas morning! After opening the gifts and having a dinner of barbeque chicken and fried cabbage (YUM!) we ventured out to see Dreamgirls. This movie was 2 1/2 hours and I thought the kids would get restless, but we loved it! The all-star cast did a wonderful job and I'm still singing, And I'm Telling You, I'm Not Going.

I made it home yesterday and I'm gearing up for a trip to Arkansas tomorrow. All of my mom's sisters came to visit from Milwaukee, so I'm going over to mess with them. My mom also informed me that my cousin is planning another fish fry for New Year's Eve, so you all know I'm headed over.

Moving, moving, moved!

I recently became a homeowner and although I felt like I'd done everything but give blood, the paperwork was the easy part. The original date for closing was scheduled for December 20th, but thankfully it was moved up to the 8th. This would give me time to get utilities on, clean and get things situated at a slower pace. It was during this time that I had to find someone to help me move. My coworkers are great and offered trucks, cars, babysitting services and a son (to help move stuff.) I was told about one of my colleagues that has a moving business on the side and I approached him with a smile to ask if he could help me and he assured that he would.

Well, during the latter part of November and early December I'd been helping one of the football coaches with a PowerPoint demonstration and what started out small ending up being a tremendous project. I told him about my moving dilemma and he offered to round up a couple of the players and "knock it out" for me. It would be his way of paying me back.

Since I was bartering, I decided I'd help them out by having all the things I wanted them to move in the living and dining rooms. So I took the beds apart, took the dining table apart and squeezed two bedrooms of furniture in the living room. When the guys showed up, I opened the door and their first reaction was, "Whooo, I didn't realize we'd be moving so much stuff! I didn't come prepared to work up a sweat." Even the coach was surprised, but I quickly assured them it wasn't as bad as it looked. I'm sure I'll have to hear the coaches mouth from now until Christmas Break! I must say the guys were very nice and had everything moved in less than an hour! It only took two trips to get everything in the house. They loaded the truck and the SUV (driven by one of the guys) until there was no room for anything but air. I told the guys I'd cook dinner for them next semester and they quickly requested lasagne. I told them to make sure they stop by the library to let me know when they wanted to have dinner. I thanked them and they told me it was no trouble and although they talked a lot of noise, they didn't mind helping me. Man, have I missed that southern hospitality!

I now have small things to move and hope to finish up this weekend. I'm so excited about my house that I think I'm running on adrenaline. My thoughts are consumed with projects-- I plan on painting the bathroom, I have border to put up in DQ's room, I have yardwork to do... My last day of work will be Tuesday, December 19th and I can't wait!

Home for the holidays

Well, I survived the Thanksgiving holiday. But, I must say I needed a vacation from my vacation. Thanksgiving Break started with packing clean clothes, dirty clothes, electronics to keep everyone occupied during the drive to Arkansas, and food. My wonderful children lost the car adapter for the DVD player, so I had to charge the battery. It took eight hours to charge the battery and it went dead after only two hours, so I had to listen to fighting, bickering and whining for the duration of the trip. I tried to tune them out as I sang along on with the music from my MP3 player, but they refused to let me enjoy. I finally had to stop because all I heard at one point were shouts of MAMA!

Well, we arrived in Arkansas early Wednesday afternoon and they got their bikes out and asked everyone about a million times when my sister and her family would arrive. They got there about two hours later and the fun began. As they played in my mom's store, it sounded like a group of fifty kids-- there were only five of them. The noise level continued throughout the entire stay and thankfully I had a new supply of Exedrin.

Thanksgiving Day found me at the table of three different families. Since my mom was taking forever (sounds like something DQ would say), I called a friend of the family and LP and I walked over and enjoyed a wonderful meal. We had smoked ham, fried turkey, greens, potato salad, dressing and a few more things I can't think of. We walked back to my mom's where I tried the dressing with cranberry sauce...pretty good. Later that evening, I stopped by a girlfriend's place and tried the cheesecake, it was so good I went by later that night to get another slice. I really overate, but hey, Thanksgiving only comes once a year.

Friday-- picture day. We dressed the kid in black and white and decided to take them the park for pictures. The park is decorated with Christmas lights and such and made an attractive background. The kids were excited, well, we thought they were. LP said she couldn't look at us or smile because the sun was in her eyes. We tried to move them to another spot, but she refused to cooperate and by this time nephew #1 said the sun was in his eyes too. They started rubbing them and now they were red and watery. I think we managed to get a couple of pictures-- who knows! Maybe we should've just gone to Sears!

Saturday morning-- time to get ready for the Christmas parade. My mom wanted something to represent her business. She owns a small convenience store in town. Our float plans changed and our theme was "Cooking Up Holiday Fun." My sister bought aprons and chef hats for the five kiddos and my dad found old stove. We had a few hours to get everything decorated because thankfully, the time of parade was changed from 10:00 am to 3:00 pm. The kids were very agreeable to the hats and aprons and they loved throwing out candy. In fact, I think a few people may have bruises from the candy hitting them. Our plan to end the domination worked...we won first place! The kids were exciting and so were the locals, finally someone else won. Can't wait until next year.

So, now I'm at home and after a much needed nap I have tons of clothes and gadgets to unpack. Only four more weeks to Winter Break. Well, at least it's about three weeks long and maybe I can get a much needed vacation.

I'm thankful for...

As the Thanksgiving holiday nears, I try to remember to be thankful. After receiving a phone call yesterday from DQ's Language Arts teacher, I tried to focus on the fact that she can talk, even though I was informed that she is talking too much. It seems she has been moved three times since school started, but the problem persists. She talks through the lecture and when it's time for her to do her assigment, she doesn't understand how to do it. No kidding. As any good parent would do, I prayed not to hurt her when I got home. I prayed for patience, understanding and wisdom on how to handle the situation. As many of us know, when we pray for patience, God grants it and it is immediately tested. I've found it almost impossible to reason with DQ. She refuses to take responsibility for her actions and seems to think life is supposed to be fair. I've explained several times that life is not fair and the earlier she realizes it, the earlier she will find peace. So, after about two hours of fussing, screaming and talking, we came to an understanding that she is to go to school, sit, listen, do her work and talk only when it's appropriate. We ended with her writing an apology to her teacher. This morning her mood was somber, so hopefully things will get better. I really am thankful to have three beautiful, healthy, vibrant children.

Not only am I thankful for my children, I'm thankful for my family, no matter how wacky and crazy we can be. This includes my mom, dad, sister, brother-in-law and nephews. It seems we'll all be at my parent's for the holiday and my mom informed me that all of her grandchildren are going to help her prepare the meal, now that should be interesting. The children range in age from eleven to four, three boys and two girls. She also informed me that she needs an updated photo of all of her grandchildren. About four years ago, my sister and I decided to the kids and have a portrait taken for my parents for Christmas. It took two trips to the photographer. Trip #1: Nephew 2 didn't want to take his pacifier out of his mouth, there was a car as a prop and four of the five wanted to sit in the car, LP was eight months old and wanted no one to hold her, BUT we got a picture...Trip #2: Everyone was in a good mood and we didn't want any props, so they sat according to height and LP was on her belly, much better. As my sister and I thought about what it took to get the first one done, we decided that we would just go to the park and take pictures in the gazebo, have them developed and frame and mat it ourselves.

We have also decided we are going to enter the Christmas parade in Montrose. The parade is sponsored by the Montrose Development Council and it made up of individuals of a certain family. It seems every year members of this particular family win the cash prizes for best floats/cars in the parade. My sister and I have decided that is going to end this year and we have plans to enter my mom's store in the parade. I was excited about it until I got this elaborate diagram of the float from my sister. At the top of her diagram she wrote, "I know I have too much time on my hands." As I looked at the fireplace and the Christmas tree, I started to rethink the float thing. Thankfully, there has been a change of plans and we are going to do a Christmas cooking theme. I'll be sure to take plenty of photos from both events.

I am so grateful that I am actually looking forward to spending some time with my family. I know there are those who hate the holidays because they are forced to spend time with their families. I feel so blessed that my family is wacky and funloving and no one gets (too) upset about anything. We take a licking and keep on ticking!

Reading is fundamental!

Today I put another book in my "to be read" (tbr) stack and wondered if I'd every finish any of them. I currently have two tbr stacks, one in the house and one in my car. I like to keep books in my presence because I never know when I'll have some down time and whenever I get the chance, I read.

My mom oftens wonders how I can read three to four books at a time, but any avid reader knows that we must have a book on hand at all times. I took a brief break from reading and now I'm back in full swing. I look at my stacks and wonder what in the world I was thinking to allow my reading to laspe, if even for a short time.

As I think about reading and my love for it, I tried to remember when I became a reader and who influenced this love. I remember my mom always taking my sister and I to the local library. She also had us in book clubs and we looked forward to receiving our monthly box of books, we still have some of those books and I've tried to pass them on to my kids...that's another story.

I took a turn and during the teen years my attention was on the usual stuff, ball games and hanging out. I do remember my eleventh grade teacher, Mrs. Smith, had a reading list, but what sixteen year old is interested in "The Scarlet Letter" and "The Great Gatsby"? I did find "The Lord of the Flies", "A Separate Peace "and "Jonathan Livingston's Seagull" quite interesting, but they didn't pique my interest to continue reading. Then came college and who had time to read with classes and parties going on. I was living too much to spend time reading! Having come from a small rural town in Southeast AR to a fairly large town in Northwest AR, I had to explore and that left no time for reading.

After I graduated from college, I spent some time unemployed and with nothing else to do in Montrose, I started reading. I went to the local library and discovered mystery and suspense and that is where my love affair began. I visited all the libraries in the area, since they were part of the same library sytem, I could use my card at each one and I learned about new authors. Not only that, I started reading and learning about African American authors and fell in love with Terry McMillan, Alice Walker, Walter Mosely, Connie Briscoe, Eric Jerome Dickey, and E. Lynn Harris.

I'd been such a frequent visitor to the libraries in area that when a position was available, I was recommended. From there, I started reading an abundance of authors and customers turned me on to James Patterson, Sue Grafton, Sidney Sheldon, Iris Johansen, Nancy Taylor Rosenberg, John Sandford, and Patricia Cornwell. I couldn't get enough. I've read just about everything these authors have written and I'm continually exploring new ground.

I'm finding that my reading interests is changing and that I'm more interested in nonfiction lately. I'm currently reading "Dreams of My Father" by Barack Obama. After reading about him in Time magazine and watching him on Oprah, I was struck by his sincerity and his dream of a bipartism government. I also want to read it before I move on to his second book, The Audacity of Hope."

I'm also reading, "The Teacher Who Couldn't Read" by John H Corcoran. I will be leading the discussion of this book at our monthly reading roundtable this month. Our group is made of several educators and teachers and I know it will be a lively event. Mr. Corcoran passed through the system and even graduated from college unable to read. There are skeptics and many doubters, but I believe Mr. Corcoran was a very smart man who had the ability to learn and manipulate people and circumstances to his advantage. Although this story takes place in the 1940s and 50s, it is still a timely book and makes readers wonder about the state of our educational system. I work with students who don't have the ability to read on a tenth grade level, but are in college expected to read and understand textbooks chapters at a time. The blame is passed around from teachers to parents to the students themselves, but until we all take responsibility for educating our children, the problem will not be solved.

In my stack, I also have "This Much I know for Sure" by Tavis Smiley. I read the first chapter and decided I needed to read further. Denzel Washington's, "A Hand to Guide Me." I even have a fiction book, E. Lynn Harris' "I Say a Little Prayer" just because I am such a huge fan.

So as I ponder when it was I began to become of lover of books, I have to say it was inbreded in me since childhood. No, my mom recently told me she read to me while she was pregnant with me. I guess we can hear our mom's voices in the womb. I'm trying to pass my love for books to my children and I think they'll take the same course I took. DQ is at the age where she is reading because she has to have a certain number of A/R points. LB is a the curious age, so whenever he asks a question about something, I bring a book home and he can read and learn about it. LP is four, so she loves to be read to and I enjoy reading to her. I love the smile and enthusiasm she displays as I read and get animated.

Two of my favorite quotes deal with reading.

"What is reading but silent conversation?"-- Walter Savage Landor

"The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them."-- Mark Twain

I love my job!

I'm often asked how I like my life in Senatobia and I quickly inform the curious that I love it! I grew up in a small town and once I moved here, I realized how much I missed the hospitality and I'm close enougth to Southaven/Memphis if I need access to a larger city. My daughters (and now son) have adjusted well and are thriving in school and socially. Life if great!
Perhaps the most important thing that has made this a very smooth transition is that I love my job! I look forward to going in every morning to find out what challenges lie ahead. My experience is in public libraries, but I'm finding that it's not much different. Okay, I admit, sometimes I'm a bit oblivious to the noise level.

One of the reasons why I love my job so much is because I work with great people. I felt like I've been knowing everyone a long time and I appreciate everything everyone's done to make this a smooth transition for me and my family.

My job is so rich and rewarding. I remember when I was growing up, I always wanted to be a teacher. As I entered college, I realized that a career in teaching would not garner a sizeable salary, so I majored in Business. The business world is very cutthroat and I soon found myself jobless. As a newlywed with a new baby, I needed a job and so I began work at the small public library. I loved it, I'd finally found my calling. So when I moved to Oklahoma City, I started library school and finished in 2004. During that time I was still with a public library and I'd switched from public service to technical services. I was beginnning to miss the interaction with customers and was gettting antsy from sitting all day. When I realized that I needed to leave the state, I searched high and low for a job and came across an ad for a technical services librarian at NWCC. As any librarian would do, I immediately did some research, made a few calls and sent in my application. As I drove from OKC to Senatobia, I was so nervous! As I was driving through Memphis, I got lost and had to call and inform them that I would be a little late, the sweat was pouring. Once I got to my interview, I quickly relaxed and had a great time. I can honestly say, it was one of the best interview I've had.

I found out I would be a faculty member and would do some bibliographic teaching and it seemed that my long lost dream of teaching was coming true. I know I groan and moan about the orientation classes, but I love it! I love a challenge and it is truly that, trying to keep the students awake and interested, yet get the information to them is tough. I love to interact with the students and let them know that I'm here to help them be successful. I leave my door open so they can walk in any time and ask questions. I have a few that come through and just talk about life and that's okay too. College is a major adjustment and sometimes they need someone to talk to. I love cataloging, not only do I touch every book that comes through the library, I'm constantly learning by browsing the contents and reading through the texts.

Okay, that's enough. But can you tell: I LOVE MY JOB?!

Internet buyers...beware

Imagine getting a call from your bank asking that you verify a purchase and when they tell you the amount and the merchant, you have no idea what he is talking about. This very thing happened to me early Friday afternoon. The amount– $1045, the merchant– somewhere in Mexico. I was told that since I wasn’t trying to make the purchase, my debit card had been compromised and was no longer valid, I needed to cut it up and wait 5-7 days for a replacement. He verified a few more purchases to make sure those were valid, asked me if I had any questions and the call ended. I was horrified– I am THE spokesperson for online bill paying. I’ve told people it’s more secure than paying by check, because checks pass through many hands and the account information as well as personal information is right there in plain sight. I use my debit card for everything because it’s so convenient and I don’t like to carry cash, what am I going to do now? I went on about my day thankful that the bank caught it and didn’t debit my account. I went to the bank, got some cash and went on my merry way to enjoy the weekend in Arkansas.

Fast forward Wednesday morning, I log-in and check my account and I see a (135.00), I’m in the hole! I check my transactions and what’s there, a debit for $1045 to SamsTuxtla! I immediately call the bank to find out what the heck is going on. I was informed that I had to go to my local branch to fill out a dispute form. I go and talk to a bank representative and ask her how this could happen after I informed them that I did not authorize the payment. She told me it depends on the merchant, sometimes they can catch it, sometimes not. They can do nothing until the customer comes in to dispute the purchase. She then got a list of the checks/amount I’d written, so they would pay them. I then breathed a sigh of relief, at least I wouldn’t have any rubber checks bouncing around. She assured me that it would take about three days to have my account credited and she would call as soon as it was done.

The internet has been a blessing and a curse. I love the convenience of paying bills online, but I’ve learned a valuable lesson about using my debit card for all of my online purchases. Some of the merchants will do a check my mail and with those they don’t save personal information, it has to be entered each time the bill is paid. I’ll stick with that route. I only have a few dollars and I don’t want the hustlers and criminals to have them.

It’s been a weird day and my supervisor informed me that things usually happens in threes. The first thing, this morning as we were going into the hall bathroom, we noticed the floor was wet. When I turned on the light, the floor was covered in water. Second, my account is drained. Third, when I called the office, they came by to look at it, but don’t have a wet-dry vacuum, so I had to clean it up by hand.

It’s hard to believe today is Wednesday, feels more like a Monday or better yet, Friday, the 13th.

My Body is a Temple

Today I cataloged a book titled, “The Real Skinny on Weight Loss Surgery” and as I browsed through, I wondered, why would anyone want to do such a thing? The authors of the book had “positive” experiences and success with their gastric surgery, but write about the nightmares and negative experiences of others in an effort to educate readers on what to do to have a successful surgery. As I thumbed through the first few chapters, I learned about the side effects, after effects and assembly line facilities and my question remained. I realize we live in a society that is obsessed with weight, but to alter what God created to lose weight is beyond my comprehension. I realize there are people who have struggled since childhood with this issue, but there has got be a better way.

I’ve always been a bit on the “thick” side and a few times I’ve been downright chubby, so I know what it’s like to be depressed and discouraged about having excess weight. I also know what it is like to be “skinny”, although it was for a relatively short time, and I can honestly say, if life sucks when you’re fat, no amount of weight loss will cause the suckiness to disappear, that comes from within. I remember being a size 7/8 and hating my life. I am now comfortable size 9/10-11/12 and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, what happened? I grew up and realized that happiness comes from within. I try to take care of myself to the best of my ability, that included making a lifestyle change and with that change came weight loss and just a general healthy feeling.

The change began to take place as my faith in God grew. I came across the scripture, Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. 1st Corinthians 6:19-20 and that changed the way I treated my body. Many times as Christians we choose not to smoke or drink, but neglect to honor our bodies by eating properly and exercising consistently. My first step was to educate myself on what it meant to eat properly. I quickly learned that my diet consisted of too many processed foods and way too much sugar. I also learned that red meat has a lot of saturated fat, so my first steps included eating more whole grains and eliminating red meat from my diet. I knew this was something I couldn’t do overnight, so I did it gradually and it made the transition easier. I started substituting turkey for beef and instead of sugary cereal and muffins for breakfast, I started having oatmeal. Once that change was consistent, I started eating meat once a day. If I had meat in my meal at lunch, I’d prepare a meatless dinner and vice versa. I started drinking my eight glasses of water a day and within a week, my energy level increased. I could see positive changes in my life. Next came the hard part, finding an exercise routine that I could fit in my schedule. My cousin suggested I try Leslie Sansone’s Walk Away the Pounds. One try and I was hooked, I now own at least seven tapes and DVDs which I do faithfully. I try to squeeze in as much exercise as possible and sometimes go for a mile walk on my lunch break, it is such a stress buster. I take my mp3 player and walk and sing the mile away. There are times when I have a hamburger or candy, but I don’t beat myself up. I try to enjoy everything in moderation, too much of anything is not good.

I talk with my mom about my lifestyle change a lot and ask her when she is going to start her new journey. She told me she has to pray about it and I reminded her that prayer without works is dead. As I thumbed through that book this morning, it reminded me that our society is into quick. We want everything instantly, forgetting that anything worth having is worth working for.

Family matters!

I spent another weekend in Arkansas, but this time around, I was surrounded by family. My cousin MW, called me about three weeks ago and told me to mark my calendar because on November 4th, he was going to have a fish fry to celebrate his new job making big bucks. Okay, everyone knows I’m sucker for free food, so I was hooked immediately. On November 3rd, I packed up the kids and we headed for Arkansas. The kids watched movies and I listened to uninterrupted music on my MP3 player, life was grand.

The fish fry was fun, everyone in town stopped by to say hi, grab some food and just hang out. My cousin is bachelor and his house is a testament. There is a pool table in the living room and the den is consumed by a couch, chair and entertainment center with everything connected to the television, so imagine the women in the house trying to change the radio station and adjust the volume—we were totally screwed up. I had a good time, but once the card game started, I was out. Nothing worse than watching and listening to a card game, especially when they are playing for money and the beer is consumed like water.

My mom told me my dad was wondering why I came all the way to Montrose for a fish fry and she told him that I was coming for the food, but I also wanted to spend some time with my family, couldn’t have said it better myself. My dad lost his oldest sister in December 2004 and when I saw cousins at the funeral that I hadn’t seen in over twenty years, I realized that I need to keep in touch. I think most of the family members there felt the same because we revived our family reunions. I missed the 2005 reunion in Dallas, but we had a blast at the 2005 reunion in Peoria, IL. I love my family and as I’ve gotten older, I realized how important it is to keep the bonds tight.

So on my way home Sunday evening I began to think about family. I started thinking about my immediate family—my three precious children and how thankful I am that they are healthy, vibrant and active. I realized that I need to do all I can to help them be successful, productive citizens. As I lay in bed that night, I began to devise a plan and daily schedule to focus on my kids and their needs. This week is going to be our pilot week of turning off the television from 4:00-5:00 and focus on homework. Day 1 was pretty successful, we’ll see how it goes…

I want my DST!

I love Autumn, it brings about change and change is good. The leaves on the trees change colors, the new television season begins, exciting football games, and a break from the three digit temps with cooler weather. There is one little thing that happens, that as a single mother I hate-- the end of daylight savings time. As the days begin to get shorter in mid-September, I begin to enter a state of somberness. I mean, in the Spring and Summer, the kids go out and play until dusk and then when they come in, they eat, bathe, watch a little tv and they're off to bed! Now when they come in, I look at the clock and it's only 5:30! How do I entertain them and keep my sanity for the next three hours?! Helping with homework is not the answer, it causes major problems, more for me than them.

So Friday I started brainstorming on fun, creative ways to keep my children occupied. We started the weekend by doing some shopping in Southaven, followed by a thrilling trip to Chuck E. Cheese's. I love CEC, it's worth every bit of the overpriced pizza and tokens. I can take my kids, buy 100 tokens and enjoy my book of the moment while they run around like crazy. I can actually enjoy the pizza while I read as my kids take five seconds pauses from the fun to eat and drink. When we got home, they were exhausted-- mission accomplished, only four months left. The next day, we did a little grocery shopping and when they asked for the movie, "Over the Hedge" I gave in, thinking they could watch that when we got home and I could take a much needed nap. When we got home, I popped the DVD in and immediately LP and LB were in a trance and I was off to my bed for a little shut eye. That DVD kept them occupied for most of the afternoon with special features. We finished the day by doing a few more errands and watching television. I was still tired, so I decided I'd sleep in the next day instead of going to church.

Sunday morning-- we all wake up at 8:30, no, it's actually 7:30 because of the time change. As LP and LB play the tickle game in the bed with me, I realize that I probably should go to church. It's going to be a long day, and going to church will kill at least four hours. So we get dressed, go to church and out to eat. We get home at 1:30-- seven more hours. I try to do some work on the computer, but I'm constantly asked, "Can we watch Over the Hedge." Isn't it funny how the very things we buy to entertain our kids can drive us crazy? So as they watched the movie for the tenth time that weekend, I finished my book.

I love my kids more than life itself and often feel guilty about my lack of patience. I don't know how to entertain my kids without the activity becoming a screaming match. I am fasicinated by my sister who plays games, does crafts, cooks and even gets in the kiddie pool with her boys. How does she do that? I know every parent is different and what works for one may not necessarily work for the other. I have four months to go and last night we watched "The Flavor of Love Reunion" episode together. Am I a bad parent or what?

What gamblers want?

I live in Northwest Mississippi and most of the time when I tell people the name of my small town, they inform they don't have a clue where it is located. I then explain that I'm 32 miles south of Memphis and 25 miles east of Tunica. Tunica-- everyone has heard of gamblers paradise. Since I've been here, I've seen a lot of commercials for the casinos, but my favorite is the Horseshoe. In sixty seconds or less, different "gamblers" tell viewers what they love about this casino and at the end, a voice tells us that they have what gamblers want. How inviting is that?

The Mississippi Library Association held its annual conference in Tunica October 25-27, but not at the Horseshoe, it was at the Grand Casino and Resort. The excitement was in the air, the conference was cancelled last year because of the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. I was excited because this would be my first MLA conference and I looked forward to networking and meeting new people. I hadn't been to Tunica since I first moved to MS in July 2006, but I knew that the casinos are not actually in Tunica, they are in Robinsonville (about 10 miles), they are in Tunica county. Anyway, as I drove down highway 61 my mood was bright eventhough it was rainy and wet. Because I assumed that the casinos were all in one area, I didn't bother to print driving directions, so when I began to panic I had to call to get the exact directions to the Grand. I made my turn on Grand Parkway and nothing could have prepared me for the "grandness" that awaited. I admit, I hadn't been to a casino in eight years and I was pleasantly surprised. First of all, it was a resort in every sense of the word. Not only were there two hotels, there was a convention center, a golf course and even a kids quest. The driver of the shuttle bus informed us that the kids quest is where they train the kids. The casino itself sits off on a hill and has all the magnificence of a castle (pictured below).

So I attended my workshops that morning and was starving by 12:00 p.m. I didn't want to drive anywhere, so I hopped on the shuttle and headed over to the casino in search of lunch. Upon entering, I was in awe of the activity! The bright lights, the ching, ching, ching of the slot machines, the cheers, the cursing...wow! Anyway, I finally found a nice little joint in the back of the casino and as I settled in to enjoy my fresh cooked catfish, I read a sign on the wall. It informed readers that the Grand was the spot and at the bottom of the sign there was a number for Gamblers Anonymous, how ironic.

Friday, the conference ended at 12:00 and one of the presenters informed us she was off to play. She was from Atlanta and had been looking forward to her chance to win some dough. Her enthusiasm rubbed off on me and I found myself casing the casino in search for the winning slot machine. I sat down at a nickel machine with the theme of supermarket sweep-- too complicated. I then made my way to a quarter slot machine and loaded my five bucks in-- 20 quarters. I played for five minutes and all my quarters were gone, so I loaded another five bucks in the machine and actually won eighty quarters ($20), but like most gamblers I played it back plus ten dollars more. I was $20 in the hole in less than thirty minutes! I left that place quick, fast and in a hurry. I have vowed to NEVER go to another casino. The need to win is so great that you find yourself sliding in bill after bill. I laugh now, but at the time all I could think about was the pair of shoes I could've bought one of my kids.

(Don't) pass it on...

Am I the only person who is inundated with the email messages that encourge passing it on to be blessed or receive good luck? Frankly, I'm tired of "Christians" passing these messages along. As a believer, I don't "believe" in good luck. I believe we are truly blessed everyday that we are on the earth. I don't have to pass on an email message to prove that I'm a believer or to receive God's mercy. Why can't we just show our faith in our daily lives instead of always trying to put on a show? I hear people talk about their church all the time, but won't help a fellow brother/sister in need. I see people on their way to church or coming from church who look like they've been sucking on lemons. I receive tons of inspirational messages from the same people who pass on the smuck as well. Instead of trying to prove we are Christians by passing on emails, let's show some love to ALL mankind. 1 Corinthians 13:13 states,
"And now abideth faith, hope, charity(love), these three; but the greatest of these is charity."

With that being said, I want to encourage all to stop passing on messages that play on emotions. This week, I have received the "Is Jesus the only way to God, Oprah say No!" message about ten times. I listened and no, I don't agree with Oprah's point of view, but I refuse to pass it on for several reasons. (1.) By looking at the hair, clothes and stage, I can tell the clip is dated, which means (2) The views expressed by Oprah then don't necessarily means she feels the same way now, people grow, learn and evolve ; (3) Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and opinions, she will be held accountable for her beliefs whether right or wrong ; (4) What good will passing on the message bring? ; (5) Let's get involved and upset about something that really matters, like drugs, crime, education, etc. Who cares what Oprah thinks?! As a believer I know what I believe and what Oprah has to say about it won't change it. I think Christians are too reactive and need to be proactive. Oh yeah, don't forget about the conspiracy messages as well, not everything is a race issue.

So the next time you get that message that makes your blood boil, check the facts and find out what is really going on before you pass it on.

Whew....Pig Soieeeeeee!!!

I had a wonderful weekend in Arkansas! I left to visit my parents Friday evening after work and stayed until Sunday afternoon. I left AR in a better mood than when I arrived. Montose, AR is a small town located in the Southeast part of the state. It is about 35 miles from Greenville, Mississippi and 20 miles from the Louisiana state line. The population is about 500 and you can tour the town in about five minutes. It's a town where everyone knows everyone, but don't be fooled, it has its share of excitement on a weekly basis.

I'd been feeling a bit down during the week because I have no family and friends in Senatobia. I guess I was a little lonely and starved for adult conversation. I got that and more as I arrived in Montrose. When we got to town I noticed that the streets were deserted and I wondered what was going on. My mom informed that everyone was at the football game in Lake Village. Lake Village is about 12 miles from Montrose and most of the locals attend school there, as I did. I decided I would go to the game and I took LB and LP with me, DQ decided to stay with her Granny. The game was fun, my little ones wanted to hit the concession stand as soon as we walked through the gate, so we made our purchases and took our seat. We sat with the Montrose folks and joined in with the cheering. The game was exciting, but it was cold! When the opposing team scored their third touchdown, we decided to leave, frozen toes and all. When we got back to Montrose, my cell phone rang and my weekend of compliments did too.

With Montrose being a small town, most of the people are kids and older adults, not much in between. It seems there is a shortage of attractive women because I have been hit on by men of all ages. I must admit, the attention is fun. Who doesn't like to be told they are beautiful?! Well, it is kind of creepy to have older men telling you to call them, but to have 26 and 29 year olds ask for a date is kind of flattering. I know what you're thinking...why in the world would someone my age even give them the time of day?! Because it's fun to talk to and get to know people of all ages. Please be assured that I am not interested in any kind of romantic relationship with a 20 something. I always tell them that I'm too old for them, but they insist age is nothing but a number. Conversations with these guys are quite interesting. I've learned about one guy's culinary skills, another's military skills and another's travels to Mexico. They seem genuinely interested in my interests and I think I've led one to start reading mysteries. There is substance to our conversations, those who know me know that I can't stand shallowness (is that a word?)

As I was talking to one guy, he told me that I should never cut my hair. What is it with Black men and hair?! Personally, the only reason I haven't chopped it off is because I love to pull in back into a ponytail. Anyway, he went on to say that I am supermodel status. I informed him that I'm 37 years old. He said my self esteem is too low and all I have to do is look in the mirror every morning and see a beautiful face. He told me that not only am I beautiful physcially, but I have a "banging" personality. I don't I have a self esteem problem, I just don't think of myself as beautiful. I think that is one of the things that make people more attractive...the ability to be real and realize true beauty comes from within. But I am human and I do like the compliments. Sometimes I think they are feeding me a bunch of crap, but nonetheless, the attention is fun.

So, as we drove home on Sunday I had things and words to think about. My children were exhausted from two days of riding bikes, playing basketball, picking up pecans and watching Disney channel. I was refreshed mentally and physically, ready to start another week. Oh yeah, it was good to see my parents too.

It's beauty that captures your attention; personality which captures your heart.-- Anonymous

It's a conspiracy

I don't consider myself a dumb person, but after helping my kids with their homework last night I was exhausted. I have Bachelor and Master degrees, but second grade math homework had me stumped. My son and I had no problem coming up with sentences for his vocabulary words. "The dinosaur is enormous." "My dad is strong." We breezed right through. He didn't have a problem with the addition on the math page, but then we came to four numbers and we had to write them in expanded form. What the heck is expanded form?! What purpose does it serve? I had to call in DQ to explain expanded form and I call her drama queen for a reason. After a ten minute demonstration we finally finished his homework. So, I've come to the conclusion that the education system is conspiring to kill parents. Think about it, the fundraisers, the parent/teacher conferences, field trips, holiday breaks, money for everything, and now homework. What happened the basic math problems of addition, subtraction, multiplication, division and fractions? Why fix what is not broke? I guess I should go back and get my degree in education or maybe just take some courses in the field.

Once I finished helping LB, I went on to DQ. DQ waited until 4:00 Thursday afternoon to inform me that she had a project due the next day. The project-- identify and display twenty seeds for her science class. Twenty seeds! Initially, I thought I'd just let her sweat it out as a lesson against being a procrastinator. I reminded her that when she has a big project to complete she should start the day she gets the assignment, not the day before it's due. She then blamed ME for not helping her. Being the person I am, I couldn't bear the thought of my child failing and I figured it would be a reflection of my parenting skills. So at 7:45 I make a Dollar General run for markers, tape and hopefully seeds. I asked for seeds and was told they didn't have any and the guy at the register said, "Everybody has been here asking for seeds." Well, at least Brandi isn't the only procrastinator in her classs. We finished the project with 15 of the 20 seeds, well most of them were seeds. We had to be very creative in our display, we took an old poster board decorated with construction paper and wrapping paper and taped each seed to it. It ended up looking presentable and DQ was happy.

I was in bed at 9:00 totally worn out and exhausted. LP will start Kindergarten in August and I'm sure the educators will have victory when I explode due to exhaustion of trying to keep up with them in educating my children.

Politics...got to love 'em!

Is it November 7th yet?! I don't live in Tennessee, but I feel like I should be able to vote. Because I live in Northwest Mississippi and my cable provider is based out of Memphis, I have been bombarded with television ads for political candidates. It seems there is going to be a tight race in Tennessee for the Senate seat that was vacated by Bill Frist, a Republican. The two candidates are Harold Ford, Jr., a Congressman who represents the Ninth District of Tennessee who is a Democrat and Bob Corker, former Mayor of Chattanooga who is a Republican. I don't consider myself a Republican or a Democrat, I try to vote for the person who shares my ideas and values. But watching the campaign of both candidates unfold has been very interesting. In the beginning, I really think Ford was trying to run a smear free campaign, but the attacks and allegations against him were overbearing and he had to come out swinging. So now, we have a full fledged smearfest. I know they are only feeding the public's appetite for rumors and dirty laundry. My question is, why are we so quick to believe the negative things about people? I wonder how many watched the televised debate between the two and based their voting decision on how they stood on key issues. One of the things I've noticed is that they both talk about how the other only looks out for himself. I've always argued that that is an issue for all politicians. I mean, can they honestly relate to me and my problems? They don't have to worry about Social Security, they get a pension for life. They don't have to worry about the many issues in education, their kids go to private schools and private universities. They don't have to worry about crime in their community, they live in gated communities...so I really question the sincerity of their representation. Although I am a cynic, I do vote because it is then I have the right to complain about the government.

One of my coworkers said she hates politics. I don't know if I feel that strongly, but I have realized that politics is a way of life. Politics are prevalent, whether it be nationally or locally. Come on, think about your job. We all know someone who is there because they knew somebody who knew somebody. I won't even talk about the politics of church. I mean, not everyone in the choir has an angelic voice.

So, I anxiously await the day of November 7th and I'm sure I'll be glued to my televsion to find out who outsmeared the other. I'll keep you posted.

Boom...boom...boom

It is Wednesday, 11:46 am and I sit at my desk trying to concentrate on cataloging books, but all I hear is boom...boom...boom. My office is located at the center of the library and I can hear the vibrations of someone's music. It is very distracting, I find myself mentally going boom...boom...boom and catch myself bobbing my head to the beat. What is with these folks that think other people want to listen to their music, not to mention the vulgar lyrics?

Don't get me wrong, I love to listen to music and I do turn it up when a hear a song that I like, but I'm always in motion when I listen to it loudly. If my music is turned up when I stop at a light, I immediately turn it down. Again, it all boils down to the lack of respect that is so prevalent in our society. I don't use obscene language, so why must I be exposed to it? People have the right to listen to whatever they choose, but don't force your choices on me. We have a noise policy on campus and if enforced would cut out some of this distraction. I know some cities have policies as well and offenders and given warning and citations for violating those policies. I know people will say that it is profiling because most music bangers are young Black men, but what else can we do to stop this madness?! I'm open to any and all suggestions. By the way, I can still hear the boom...boom...boom.

Brown suede boots

Like most working adults, I love the weekends. Two day to spend with my kiddos. I was especially looking forward to the past weekend. It was Homecoming and that meant free barbeque and an exciting football game. I picked up my tickets to the lunch a week early and I was telling my kids how much fun we were going to have at the game. Lunch was good, we had barbeque brisket, baked beans, potato salad, cole slaw, cookies, brownies and soda. I was stuffed because LP saw a friend and she was too excited to eat, so as any mother would do, I polished off her sandwich. After filling our bellies we walked to the football stadium to enjoy the rally and cheer on the Rangers. On our way to the stands we passed the concession stand and all three of my little ones wanted a snack. I assured them we would go back at halftime, I mean we'd just finished eating, what else could they fit in those stomachs?! We found seats next to the band, won't do that again. The band was the least of my problems, we were sitting in the sun and a breeze would come through every now and then. As we sat there being baked by the sun, I heard cries of "I'm thirsty" every five seconds. Finally, after what seemed like an endless first half, we headed to the concession stand and bought plenty of drinks to keep us hydrated for the rest of the game. The rest of the game...we left during the first part of the third quarter. I went home and crashed, my head was pounding from the drums and I think the sun drained what little energy I had. Tomorrow will be better, we'll head to the mall and Chuck E. Cheese's after church. Fun!

Sunday afternoon after church, we head to J.C. Penney's to exchange shoes for DQ. I find out she can no longer wear children shoes since she needs a size 6-7, so we start the search for appropriate shoes. I have to threaten LB and LP several times, why is that other kids can sit still and wait patiently and mine and running around like wild animals? We finally settle on a pair of brown suede boots and as I try to do more shopping, I realize I have to get a stroller for LP because she is running around and I don't have the patience. I also don't want to go to jail for beating my child in public. As I push LP around, I turn my back for five seconds and as I start pushing the stroller, I notice it's considerably lighter, LP has gotten away! It takes the three of us to find her and we immediately leave the store. I know after the way they behave I shouldn't do it, but I take them CEC's. As the kids run and play, I settle down with a book and just relax. I glance up to see them laughing and playing and wonder how they can bring so much frustration and joy at the same time. I love them dearly, but sometimes I wonder "did I really produce these creatures?"

Needless to say, the past weekend was one of the longest I've experienced in a long time. I was ready for Monday! That is until DQ decided she wanted to wear the new boots. Since it was raining I told her to just wait because the rain would ruin them. Remember I call her Drama Queen for a reason, she assured me that she would be careful, but I didn't give in and she pouted out the door in tennis shoes. Today is another rainy day and she said she is never going to get to wear them. I reminded her that she has at least three more months of cold weather, but I think all she heard was "blah, blah, blah."

This morning when I got out of bed I found myself actually counting down the days until the weekend. Maybe this one will be better, I plan on heading to AR to visit my parents and let the kids run around and ride their bikes.

Parents Just Don't Understand...Or Do We?

As I try to raise my three children to be responsible, productive adults to society, I sometimes think I am going to lose my mind. Three children, so three different personalities. I have the oldest, who we'll call dq (drama queen) ; the middle child, we'll call him lb (laid back) ; and the youngest, let's call her lp (little princess), so I try to approach each differently with life lessons, but I'm almost at the end of my rope with dq. DQ is in the sixth grade, so not only do I have to deal with problems that present themself due to puberty, I'm dealing with a very social child. Our personalities clash on a daily basis and I've heard the phrases, "I hate you!" and "You're just too strict!" more than I expected. I try to be patient, but there are times when I lose it and I just want to shake her until the wires in her brain reconnect. With LB, I don't have too much of problem since our personalities are so much alike. We just tend to go with the flow and don't get excited and anxious about every little thing, if I could just get him to sit still. My LP is turning out to be a mix of dq and lb and you never know which personality is going to show up for the day. I've read several books, but I wonder, do these "experts" have children? Are they speaking from practical experience, or is it all theory? So, I've begun questioning my methods and started asking myself if I am really out of touch and do I really understand the youth of today. I realize that my children are exposed to much more than I was at their ages and not everything they're exposed to is beneficial for their growth. I mean, watching television with them after 7:00 p.m. is a challenge. Youth of today are exposed to violence and sex constantly and as much as we try to protect their innocence, the reality is that they spend a lot of time with peers and friends, and I've learned their input weighs much more heavily than mine at times. So, we watch CSI, Law and Order and other crime shows and I use those as teaching moments. No, you don't follow strangers ; yes, just being in the crowd sometimes can cause problems ; yes, there are some sick people out there who prey on children ; yes, bad things happen to good people. I know some people would say that it's a bit extreme, but my children are not naive and know anything can happen to anyone.

I am a quiet person by nature. But what a lot of people don't know is that quiet people do a lot of watching and listening. I've watched a lot of parents throughout my years and I've learned a lot-- both positive and negative. My biggest concern is the lack of respect that has become so prevalent in our society. Back in the day, I might have thought about talking back, but the words NEVER came out of the mouth. Nowadays, kids say whatever they feel. I realize the "experts" think that this is a form of self-expression, but I beg to differ. Most of the problems are due simply to a lack of respect. We just do whatever we want, whenever we want, regardless of the circumstances to ourselves and especially to others. So, in my effort to teach my children, I've made respect the core of everything. Not only do I teach my children by words, I try to teach them by my actions. I hate the phrase, "Do as I say, not as I do." Children are sponges and they soak up everything whether good or bad, so adults need to realize that their actions speak louder than words.

So, as I look at my kids, I guess things could be worse. I'm so thankful to have healthy, vibrant children. I feel so blessed to have them in my life, they have certainly made it richer and taught me what it truly means to love unconditionally. So, in my effort to become a better parent, I try not to dwell on the little things and look at the big picture. I try to incorporate some creative things into my old school parenting. To answer my question, I think parents today understand too much and have shifted from parents to friends and it's not good. Our kids have enough friends, they need parents to help guide and teach them.

We are apt to forget that children watch examples better than they listen to preaching. -- Roy L. Smith

Oklahoma is OK!

I spent Fall Break in Oklahoma City. I had some free time, so I ventured out to one of my favorite spots, Quail Springs Mall. While having lunch in the food court, I began to just watch the people and was amazed at the diversity that OKC offers. I knew OKC was a diverse city, but having spent the last year and a half in Mississippi where everything (the people) is Black and White, it was nice to see so many ethnicities in one location. I saw people from all types of backgrounds/descents...Black, White, Asian, Eastern and Latino. I saw interracial couples and their beautiful children. It was a wonderful experience.

I see diversity as something postive. It gives us the chance to grow and learn about other people and cultures. It makes us think outside the box and realize that the world is much larger than us and/or our backgrounds. I don't understand why people won't embrace diversity. I was recently asked the question, "What if everyone in the world/church/workplace was just like me?" It made me think and realize the importance of each person's individuality. It made me think about diversity and how it has added richly to America's heritage. If people would study American history, they'd find that some of our most recognized traditions were inspired by foreign beliefs or practices. Perhaps the Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. says it best, "All life is interrelated. The agony of the poor impoverishes the rich; the betterment of the poor enriches the rich. We are inevitably our brother's keeper because we are our brother's brother. Whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly. "

Their problem is NOT my problem

I've been divorced for about 18 months, I was separated for about a year in a half prior to the finalization of my divorce. Ending my marriage was the hardest decision I've ever made, who wants their marriage to fail? Currently, my life has some peace and stability and it has been achieved WITHOUT a man in my life. Yes, I date. Yes, I talk to men. But there is no one in my life that I see or talk to on a daily basis and I'm fine with that. I've come to realize that just because I'm okay with it doesn't mean squat to society.

I visit my parents in Arkansas frequently and I'm always asked, "Have you met someone yet?" "When are you going to bring someone home for us to met?" and other questions of that nature. When I inform them that I don't have a steady or that having a man is not one of my priorities, I get looks or disbelief and I think a few people think I'm crazy. Why does our society think that people have to have a mate? I read an interesting book by Myles Monroe titled, "Single, Married, Separated and Divorced" and in it he explains that not all of us were created for marriage, some of us are chosen to be single because there are some things in the ministry we can't do if we have a mate. He also talks about preparing for marriage and how we fail to do that. I didn't date much when growing up, so I had a fairytale view of marriage and it wasn't until I started having marital problems that I started seeking solutions to the problems. By that time, the damage had pretty much been done and divorce was basically my only option.

I like to use the saying, "a blessing in disguise" or even "when God closes a door, He opens a window" to describe what has transpired since my divorce. The past three years have seen me grow as a person. I now know who I am and I'm not looking for people or things to define who I am. It is because of that that I feel like I don't have to have a mate to complete me. I used to wonder why married couples would choose not to have children, but now I get it. I just wish the rest of society would too.

Flavor Flav!!!

Today, I'm sleepy. Nobody's fault but my own. My after work plans for yesterday included going home to eat, workout, watch NCIS and Law & Order: CI, follwed by a good night's sleep to begin at exactly 9:00. But what did I do when L&O goes off, I flipped through the channels and landed on my secret indulgence..."The Flavor of Love, 2" Most people who know me would think it is totally out of character for me to love this reality show. But it is the fact that it is so unbelievable that I love it.

Back when I was a teen, I was a huge Public Enemy fan and loved the messages in their music. I still think Chuck D has one of the smoothest voices in the rap game. I remember watching them and thinking what purpose did Flav serve, was he just the gimmick man? Once they took a backseat in the rap industry, I never wondered what happened to Flav, he was totally forgettable. Then who should appear on "The Surreal Life"-- Flavor Flav himself. He continued where he left off, just an older version of the clock wearing lunatic. I didn't watch "The Surreal Life", but it seemed Flav was back on the map.

Not only was Flav back on the map, he was looking for a special someone to share his new found success with, hence "The Flavor of Love." The premise of the show-- start off with about 20 women who compete for Flav's heart. He eliminates "contestants" each week and he tries to weed out those who have motives other than total committment to him. The show is filled with catfights, backstabbing and words that have to be beeped out every few seconds. I knew the show was on, but I never took the time to watch it, then one day out of boredom, I watched the show. At the time when I caught the show, he was down to three women, Pumpkin, Hoopz, and New York. I just sat there mesmerized by these women and their worship of this man. Anytime he kissed them, I'd cringe. How could someone kiss this horrific looking creature?! But, I must admit, I was hooked. I watched as he choose Hoopz and gave her a grill at the end of the show. For those of you who are not familiar with the hip-hop scene, a grill is a set of teeth that goes over the natural teeth. They are usually made of platinum, gold and sometimes have diamonds in them. Most rappers have them, but I have seen a few of our students try to hold them in their mouth as they talk, pretty amusing. Anyway, it seems once Hoopz was chosen, she realized she wasn't ready to settle down, but wanted to take advantage of her new found success and dumped Flav.

So now we have season two and I have been a faithful viewer. I watched the women come and go and have been thoroughly entertained with each episode. He is now down to New York (she came back!) and Delesious (pro-nounced Delicious) and next week's season finale should be very interesting. Personally, when he brought in his six children and two grandchildren, I would have made my exit, but I guess love is blind.

So, now I try to make it through the day because I am hooked on "The Flavor of Love." Who would've thought?

Reflection time...

Thursday, September 21, 2006

As my 37th birthday approaches, I look back over the year and reflect on changes-- both postive and negative-- and I think I've grown tremendously. Man, it took 37 years for me to finally love myself and realize how valuable I am. I am finally at a point in my life that I love being me!As I enter each new decade, I find my interests, priorities and values change. In my twenties, it was all about the external me... the perfect hair, wardrobe, house, family. I found myself stressed beyond belief, not to mention the debt I accumulated. I lived to satfisy those around me and took no time to really figure out who I was or the direction my life was taking.

As I entered my thirties, my values began to change. I realized that family is important and I began to appreciate my parents, aunts, uncles and adult cousins. Of course, my children were important, but I began to focus more of what I was putting into them than what I was putting on them or buying for them. I realized that loving them meant teaching them values, not making sure they had all the latest gadgets and fashions.

As I start the journey to my fourties, I realize how important it is to be a complete person and how important it is to have a balanced life. When I find myself stressed, I look at what is getting too much of my time and energy and immediately regroup. To stay balanced I make sure I'm eating right, gettting enough exercise, enough rest, spending time with my children, feeding my mind, and my spirit. So many times I hear women say they loves themselves, but their actions speak differently. I hope my lifestyle is an accurate testimony of what I believe.I thank God for the people He placed in my life to help me make it to this point. There were times when I was angry and resentful, but part of my growth process has been able to view those as challenges and learning opportunities. I look back over the past 36 years and breathe a sigh of relief that I made it this far!

Enough!

I just came back from the restroom and I'm a bit disturbed. There was a person in the other stall and when she finished, she flushed the toilet, gathered her things and left. Just walked right past the sink, out the door. Didn't use the nice foam soap, didn't rinse her hands off, didn't even take a paper towel to wipe them off, just out the door. No, this is not the first time I've witnessed such repulsive behavior, but it's more common than most realize. I work at a community college and we serve a diverse student body. It has no boundaries-- whether it be age, race, body type, pee or poop-- a majority of our students don't wash their hands.

Just think, these same people are working at our restaurants and fast food establishments. Yes, we've all seen the signs that employees must wash hands before returning to work, but I'm sure the manager isn't waiting for them to return from the restroom to make sure they do so. I realize that heat kills bacteria, but what about that turkey sub or tuna salad sandwich? Well, I guess those latex gloves are beneficial afterall. I say enough is enough! We should have a National Hand Washing Awareness Week or Month, so that people can learn the many benefits of washing hands.

Love Jesus, Hate Church!

Today I browsed through a book I cataloged titled, "Love Jesus, Hate Church." Ahh, my sentiments exactly. After attending Victory Christian Center in OKC, my relationship with Jesus Christ grew and I grew impatient with traditional church. Pastor Mark Crow believed that each individual should have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. As that relationship grows, behaviors would change and so would lives. In addition, my kids were involved in the children's ministry, not only could I enjoy service, but my kids were being taught relevant messages and their love for church grew.

Then something happened-- I moved to MS. I moved to Northwest MS, 32 miles from Memphis, there would be no problem finding a church that would continue to challenge me, right? Wrong-- I didn't realize I was moving into a denominational warzone! I visited a Penecostal church--three hours of wrestling with my kids ; I tried a Baptist-- pretty much the same thing. Does anyone here have a children's ministry? NO! Children need to learn how to sit and listen and not play all the time. We don't do daycare at our church. Okay, not only am I bored out of my wits listening to a preacher talk about the way things used to be, but my kids are twisting and turning and asking me when are we leaving. If the sermon isn't relevant to my issues/problems today, how do they expect kids to listen. "Love Jesus, Hate Church."

So, being a librarian, I did some research and found a nondenominational church in Olive Branch, MS-- a 40 minute drive. I've found a scenic route, so I relax on the way and my mind is alert and ready to receive the message. Not only do I hear life changing messages, my kids are taught relevant Bible lessons and have fun at church. I know what you're thinking, "you drive 40 minutes to church?" I've heard that question a few times from coworkers and family members, but I quickly point out that we would drive 40 minutes to go to a mall, or a nice restaurant or a football/basketball game. I see no difference, my soul and spirit are being fed and my kids are excited about going to church. The congregation is diverse, the praise and worship is spirit lifting and the message is relevant and challenging.As I browsed through the book, I saw many examples of the churches I've attended through the years and my heart aches for those who truly have a hunger for God, but are stuck in the traditional church where so much is based on appearance. We live in a sight and sound generation and to reach people, we've got to change the way we do things. I've heard it said, "don't change the message, just the method." I think that is very well put.

Can we just get along?

I recently moved to northwest Mississippi and having been out of the deep south for a few years, I was pretty oblivious to the race issue. Boy, have my eyes been opened the past sixteen months. I grew up in a small town in Southeast Arkansas, so I've seen and experienced segregation and racism firsthand. I thought the days of blatant racism was over, but boy was I wrong. I've had several people point out that the subjects of negative behavior were Black. To me, bad is behavior is universal and instead of talking about the color of the perpetrators, let's talk about solutions to the problems. No, I don't think sagging pants is a fashion statement, but I don't like the Daisy Duke or pajamas either. No, I don't like the drug dealers standing on the corner, but who is their market? Believe me, their lifestyles are not supported by only Blacks smoking or sniffing.

I was floored by a comment made by an ederly lady. She was explaining how she told some young men to pull up their pants. She said it was her duty as a Christian to let them know it was not appropiate, she then turned and looked at me and said, "they were Black boys." Why? I don't know, maybe she thinks it's my responsibility to go around and tell all Black people how to dress. I hear people talk about their church and are quick to point out that they are Christians, but yet have no love for mankind. Do these people think heaven is going to be segregated like the churches they attend? The things I've heard and seen while here is a testament that racism is a taught behavior and is not going to end because of affirmative action, diversity programs, or a few discrimination lawsuits. I have no problem with racial pride, the problem is believing one is better because of their race. We think things are getting better, but just because things aren't as blatant as they once were means nothing. It is our responsibilty as a race to educate others on our value. A few months back, I was finding myself discouraged, but after much thought and recollection, I realized that everything happens for a reason. I can be that light, not only to our students, but to my coworkers. I can break the cycle of ignorance and let people know that all Blacks are not ghetto, lazy or stupid. I thank all of my friends and family who let me know how valuable I am to our students and the community. I've come to the realization that racism will never end because it has existed throughout history, but I'm willing to helping make a change. Are you? Get involved, speak up and stand up!