Parents Just Don't Understand...Or Do We?

As I try to raise my three children to be responsible, productive adults to society, I sometimes think I am going to lose my mind. Three children, so three different personalities. I have the oldest, who we'll call dq (drama queen) ; the middle child, we'll call him lb (laid back) ; and the youngest, let's call her lp (little princess), so I try to approach each differently with life lessons, but I'm almost at the end of my rope with dq. DQ is in the sixth grade, so not only do I have to deal with problems that present themself due to puberty, I'm dealing with a very social child. Our personalities clash on a daily basis and I've heard the phrases, "I hate you!" and "You're just too strict!" more than I expected. I try to be patient, but there are times when I lose it and I just want to shake her until the wires in her brain reconnect. With LB, I don't have too much of problem since our personalities are so much alike. We just tend to go with the flow and don't get excited and anxious about every little thing, if I could just get him to sit still. My LP is turning out to be a mix of dq and lb and you never know which personality is going to show up for the day. I've read several books, but I wonder, do these "experts" have children? Are they speaking from practical experience, or is it all theory? So, I've begun questioning my methods and started asking myself if I am really out of touch and do I really understand the youth of today. I realize that my children are exposed to much more than I was at their ages and not everything they're exposed to is beneficial for their growth. I mean, watching television with them after 7:00 p.m. is a challenge. Youth of today are exposed to violence and sex constantly and as much as we try to protect their innocence, the reality is that they spend a lot of time with peers and friends, and I've learned their input weighs much more heavily than mine at times. So, we watch CSI, Law and Order and other crime shows and I use those as teaching moments. No, you don't follow strangers ; yes, just being in the crowd sometimes can cause problems ; yes, there are some sick people out there who prey on children ; yes, bad things happen to good people. I know some people would say that it's a bit extreme, but my children are not naive and know anything can happen to anyone.

I am a quiet person by nature. But what a lot of people don't know is that quiet people do a lot of watching and listening. I've watched a lot of parents throughout my years and I've learned a lot-- both positive and negative. My biggest concern is the lack of respect that has become so prevalent in our society. Back in the day, I might have thought about talking back, but the words NEVER came out of the mouth. Nowadays, kids say whatever they feel. I realize the "experts" think that this is a form of self-expression, but I beg to differ. Most of the problems are due simply to a lack of respect. We just do whatever we want, whenever we want, regardless of the circumstances to ourselves and especially to others. So, in my effort to teach my children, I've made respect the core of everything. Not only do I teach my children by words, I try to teach them by my actions. I hate the phrase, "Do as I say, not as I do." Children are sponges and they soak up everything whether good or bad, so adults need to realize that their actions speak louder than words.

So, as I look at my kids, I guess things could be worse. I'm so thankful to have healthy, vibrant children. I feel so blessed to have them in my life, they have certainly made it richer and taught me what it truly means to love unconditionally. So, in my effort to become a better parent, I try not to dwell on the little things and look at the big picture. I try to incorporate some creative things into my old school parenting. To answer my question, I think parents today understand too much and have shifted from parents to friends and it's not good. Our kids have enough friends, they need parents to help guide and teach them.

We are apt to forget that children watch examples better than they listen to preaching. -- Roy L. Smith