Black in America

Well, tonight I've been watching CNN Presents Black in America and it is really interesting. The focus is on the Black Male (missed last when they talked about Black Women and family), Soledad O'Brien is doing a great job of telling the story and experiences of real Black men. Although she has covered many issues, the bottom line is that Black people are just trying to make it just like every other race of people. The difference is that we have challenges that have followed us since we were brought to America in chains. The legacy of slavery is still affecting our lives, how people perceive us and how we interact with one another. Did you know that a majority of employers said they would hire a White man with a criminal record before hiring a Black man with a college degree? Did you know that only 3% of management positions are held by Black men? Did you know that there are over one million Black men in the prison system and most are NOT there due to violent crimes?

This has been an eye opener for me and is a much needed documentary, but I feel that CNN is "preaching to the choir" and those who really misunderstand what it is to be Black in America will not watch it. I commend CNN for trying to educate the nation and provide a candid look at the daily and complex lives of Black Americans.

I grew up in the Midwest for the first half of my life and while there is racism in every corner of the globe, it wasn't as blatant in my world. My sister and I attended a private Catholic school, my friends were diverse and I think we were exposed to much. Then we moved to Arkansas and that was an eye opener for us! The town was segregated, private schools were for Whites only, friendships were segregated. After graduation I attended The University of Arkansas from 1987-1991, a time when only 4% of the student body was Black. I've been talked about for going to U of A, for trying to raise my kids to use correct English, for getting married BEFORE having children, for having my hair cut in layers. O'Brien touched on this isses as well, dealing with racism within the race as well. When will it end?!\

So my take on being Black in America: A constant struggle!

Love Jesus, Hate Church (pt.2)

For the past few months, I've been attending church regularly. I've been going to The Church of the Harvest in Olive Branch, MS. The paster is Bob Thomas and it is a nondenominational church. I really enjoy the praise and worship. I feel that that is what gets our minds ready to recieve the message for the day. I know I need to praise God. Anyway, Pastor Bob always has an uplifting and inspiring message and just finished a series on faith. I love hearing messages that help me in my daily walk. Well, because I've been in Arkansas for the past two Sundays, I've missed my church. On the 25th I attending Tabernacle Missionary Baptist Church in Dermott and really enjoyed the sermon. Although it is a Baptist church, they believe and teach many of the principles I believe in and I know that Pastor Lattimore is about teaching his members to have a relationship with Jesus Christ and once that is established one can't help but change.

Well yesterday (against my better judgement) I decided to attend St. Peter Missionary Baptist Church in Montrose. I knew that the pastor is very traditional and doesn't believe women should wear pants to church, etc. I didn't feel like driving to Dermott because I would be leaving to return home the same day, but I just felt I needed to go to chuch. I should've stayed at home! I am still upset about what was said. I am a gum chewer, I chew gum at home, at work and church. I don't chew with my mouth open and I think I chew pretty discreetly. Well, apparently it is disrespectful and out of order in the baptist church. The pastor made it a point to discuss this issue after his sermon. He said it is very disrespectful to sit and chew with your mouth open. There was a young lady sitting in front of me and she immediately took her gum out of her mouth. I had taken mine out right before he said anything about it...because I was tired of it. Out of order, disrespectful? There are a lot more things I can think of that is going on in that church that need to be addressed besides gum chewing!! When are we going to realize that souls are more important than traditions and man made rules?! There are people who have no concept of God, but he is going on about gum.

Maybe I had it coming because I wear pants when I go to that church and I even let my children play their video games. I mean, they don't have a children's ministry because they feel it's just "babysitting." Although mine didn't hear anything that was said because they were gaming, I bet none of the other kids knew what happened either...they played hot seat all during service.

Needless to say, I have no plans to visit that church again! My prayer is that I can get over this and move on, but I just get upset whenever I think of the souls and lives that are not being touched/changed because of nitpicky stuff like that.

Love Jesus, Hate Church.

Patience is a Virture (Right?)

What is going on with Americans these days? Is it me, or does it seem that our patience is getting shorter and shorter? I know we have the drive-thru everything, but what happened to common courtesy? For instance, yesterday I was at the $ Store and was about the third in line, the women at the register bought about $35 worth of merchandise. They were using an EBT card and first had to find it in the purse, then scan it, didn't work the first time, scan it again...had to pay the balance with cash. The total transaction took about five minutes, but you would've thought it was an hour. I could feel the restlessness behind me. People should know by now that when you think you're going to run in and out of a store, that is when the lines are backed up or you get the new cashier. I've learned to give myself plenty of time and just be prepared for whatever comes. So, when it was my turn at the register, I made sure to smile and have a positive attitude. I think the cashier appreciated it.

So, I'm thinking about what has made us so impatient...why are we a society of instant gratification? I mean we want it and we want it now! We have drive-thru everything. Our impatience is growing at an alarming rate...this morning as I dropped DQ off at school there are two lines for the cars and people were constantly switching back and forth, it was nerve wrecking. Let's not even mention road rage.

As I've watched the world around me, I've decided to be a more patient person. I give myself plenty of time to do tasks like grocery shopping, getting from point A to B. I know we are trying to make our days longer by squeezing in as much as we can, but my advice is to SLOW DOWN and enjoy the journey. We are letting the small things take over. The things we think are important probably are not. The older I get the more I realize the value family, friends, enjoying life and just being happy. I find I feel better when I'm relaxed and not rushing around. It feels good to be pleasant to people (especially those in the service sector), they do appreciate kindness and patience. Now don't get me wrong, my quest for patience does not mean that I will be a pushover. There are times when we have to be assertive, but most times we can offer kindness. Being a blessing to others is not always about giving materialistically, but giving of ourselves which includes a smile or a nice word. Think about it...

Finally...

It's May 13th...finally! If I have to watch another campaign ad from Greg Davis or Travis Childers, I think I'm going to puke! Childers and Davis are running for the congressional seat vacated by Roger Wicker who was tapped to replace Trent Lott. Anyway, the smearfest started way back when and the during the first election, neither won more than 51% of the vote, Childers did win the popular vote by a small margin. This is a big deal because it could determine how things play out in November. There is even an article on CNN.com about the runoff. Go figure!

I've been trying to learn where each stands on the issues because if I had to base my vote on the smearfest, neither would get my vote. According to the Republican National Party, Childers is a liberal endorsed by Obama (as a Democrat, why wouldn't Obama endorse him?), he doesn't pay his taxes, his partner is a convicted felon. According to the Democratic National Party, Davis uses tax payer money to furnish a lavish lifestyle, he raises taxes and he doesn't give a flip about the ederly. Why do we love to hear the dirt, but not the issues?! I refuse to distinguish myself as either a Republican or Democrat, I am an Independent voter who chooses my candidate based on the issues.

So, both candidates describe themselves as conservative...what does that mean exactly. I turned to wikipedia and the only thing it defined was conservatism and it is defined as a term used to describe political philosophies that favor tradition and gradual change, where tradition refers to religious, cultural, or nationally defined beliefs and customs. These men who define themselves as conservative running such negative ads--a major turnoff for me. When you really look at the key issues and where each candidate stands they are really not that much different. They both address some issues that the other doesn't and that is where people should base their decision. While both have issues that I don't feel strongly about, there are a few that will determine who gets my vote.

Let the Countdown Begin

Well, it's May which means the countdown is on! Since I am on a ten month contract, my work year is from August 1st to May 31st. I enjoy having June and July to catch up on reading, housework and television. I also do a little traveling to visit family and friends. This year I have several things on the agenda...I'm joined the library challenge to read and blog about three southern books, the books have to be written by southern authors and set in the south. I think for the first I'm going to re-read Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston. I read that book for the first time last summer and just fell in love with it, it is a love story that transcends time. I haven't decided what else to read, but I would like to read and post something by and about African Americans. Not only can I relate better to the story, but I would like to share the experiences of African Americans with others in the read/blog group.

My next project is to redo my bathroom. My house is small and about twenty years old and when I bought it I knew it would require a lot of work/projects. I plan to paint, add new decor and possibly redo the flooring. Eventually, I'd like to remove the carpet from the living area and hallway and I think I will test my "skills" by doing the bathroom. I'm sure there will be a post when I undertake the project.

I also plan on making a road trip to Milwaukee this year. My maternal family reunion will be there this year the weekend of July 11-12. My plan is to go about a week and a half earlier and see some sights and enjoy family prior to the big event. I'm sure the visit will welcome a nice break from this southern heat.

So, today is May 5th and that means I have seventeen working days left! I was suckered into going to the zoo with the Senatobia Elementary Kindergarten students on the 20th...I'm sure as I walk around with DQ and another kid I'll wish I was at work. Anyway, this is the last week of class for our students, so I'm sure we will be busy shelving books and answering questions that deal with typing and printing papers. Once finals are over (May 15th) we lock our doors until summer school and I finish up the last minute cataloging and year-end reports and I'm out the door until August! Yippee!!!!

Why I Love the Three Doctors

I'm currently reading The Bond: Three Young Men Learn to Forgive and Reconnect with Their Fathers by Drs. Sampson Davis, George Jenkins and Rameck Hunt and my admiration for these three men has grown tremendously. The three doctors are friends who grew up on the mean streets of Newark, New Jersey and made a pact while still in high school to graduate and pursue careers as doctors. Although times were tough and circumstances could've caused them to quit, their friendship and pact made them persevere and they made it. Two are medical doctors and one is a dentist. They tell the story of how the pact was made and their experiences of medical school in their first book titled, The Pact: Three Young Men Make a Promise to Fulfill a Dream. While working in OKC as a cataloger, I came across this book, read their story and immediately fell in love with their strength and desire to help all children who grow up without a dream. They have also written, We Beat the Streets: How a friendship Pact Led to Success that is geared toward the younger generation. I encourage all to read their story and become inspired as I was.

The Bond is not a unique story in inner city neighborhoods, all three doctors grew up pretty much fatherless. Their story is unique in that they tell their stories and have their father tell theirs as well. Each doctor explains how growing up without a father affected their lives. How they wished they had someone there to support their dreams, take them to extracurricular activities, teach them the facts of life. As you read each story, you'll notice that they all had mentors and examples of strong men in their life, but some of the bad choices they made could have been avoided if their fathers were involved. Sampson explains that just because a father is physically present in the home means nothing. If he is not contributing the development and well being of his children, he might as well be absent. I totally agree, to many times we applaud men for just being there, but they have a responsibility as well as the mother. I know if it had not been for my dad's strong belief in discipline, I probably would not be where I am today. I thank my dad for teaching me to work, save and the ability to take care of myself.
Once Sampson, George and Rameck tell their story, we get to hear their father's point of view. I think so many times we allow our circumstances to dictact our actions or who we become and I feel that is what happened to the fathers of these young men.

I loved the three doctors prior to reading this book because of their vision and dedication to helping the next generations. After reading this book my admiration has grown and they have convinced me to do what I can to make sure all children have a chance. After the fathers tell their story, the three doctors give examples of men that they know who are reversing the cycle and stepping up to the plate to be strong fathers. It is so refreshing to read their words of forgiveness and be reminded that we can make a difference.

Why I Love Being a [Black] Woman

I started a new book, Shifting: The Double Lives of Black Women in America by Charisse Jones and Kumea Shorter-Gooden. It discusses the multiple roles black women have to play in society. This book started as a research project to find out how we deal with and handle those roles. Although I just started, I know this will be a page turner for me. To start, the authors define what it means to shift. Shifting defines how we transform from one role to the other. I think we all do it, whether black or white, male or female. But black women have an added dimension because it is often said we have two strikes: being black and female. I remember the book, The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison where the main character wishes she had blues eyes and blond hair and wonder if that is the dream of many little Black girls. I can't relate to that story because I never once had that dream. I've always been proud of who I am and where I came from and try to teach my children the same.

When I think about why that is so, my first thought is that I love being a woman! Sure I complain about the monthly visitor and the pains of childbirth, but I feel so blessed and fortunate to have given birth, a giver of life. I have always embraced my femininity and wonder why being masculine is the in thing for teen girls now. I often have to do a double take while at work, girls with the sagging pants (as if not bad enough on the boys), hats, big boots or tennis shoes. I try not to judge, but good grief...I love to pamper myself. I know some men who pamper themselves with weekly haircuts and shaves, manicures and pedicures, but I love the fact that I don't have to explain my self love.

Being a Black woman is a challenge, but a welcome one for me. I hate the stereotypes, but some are justified. Yes, we have an attitude, but we've had to fight for everything...our freedom, our children, our families, our lives! We are strong and we are survivors. As I think of the women in my family, I see so much diversity...some are meek, some are aggressive, some are homemakers, some are pace setters, some are spiritual, but whatever they are and do, they are fantastic at it.

Black women come in so many shades and sizes...from Halle Berry to Mo'Nique ; from Carol Mosely Braun to Michelle Obama ; from Angie Stone to Beyonce. We are everywhere and our presence is known and felt. Like our brothas, we are loved yet feared. We are trendsetters...from our cornrows to our afros ; from our hip huggers to our stilettos. People stare, but often try to imitate. We don't care what people think of our style, because it's just that...ours!

Why I Love...Being a [Black] Woman

I started a new book, Shifting: The Double Lives of Black Women in America by Charisse Jones and Kumea Shorter-Gooden. It discusses the multiple roles black women have to play in society. This book started as a research project to find out how we deal with and handle those roles. Although I just started, I know this will be a page turner for me. To start, the authors define what it means to shift. Shifting defines how we transform from one role to the other. I think we all do it, whether black or white, male or female. But black women have an added dimension because it is often said we have two strikes: being black and female. I remember the book, The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison where the main character wishes she had blues eyes and blond hair and wonder if that is the dream of many little Black girls. I can't relate to that story because I never once had that dream. I've always been proud of who I am and where I came from and try to teach my children the same.

When I think about why that is so, my first thought is that I love being a woman! Sure I complain about the monthly visitor and the pains of childbirth, but I feel so blessed and fortunate to have given birth, a giver of life. I have always embraced my femininity and wonder why being masculine is the in thing for teen girls now. I often have to do a double take while at work, girls with the sagging pants (as if not bad enough on the boys), hats, big boots or tennis shoes. I try not to judge, but good grief...I love to pamper myself. I know some men who pamper themselves with weekly haircuts and shaves, manicures and pedicures, but I love the fact that I don't have to explain my self love.

Being a Black woman is a challenge, but a welcome one for me. I hate the stereotypes, but some are justified. Yes, we have an attitude, but we've had to fight for everything...our freedom, our children, our families, our lives! We are strong and we are survivors. As I think of the women in my family, I see so much diversity...some are meek, some are aggressive, some are homemakers, some are pace setters, some are spiritual, but whatever they are and do, they are fantastic at it.

Black women come in so many shades and sizes...from Halle Berry to Mo'Nique ; from Carol Mosely Braun to Michelle Obama ; from Angie Stone to Beyonce. We are everywhere and our presence is known and felt. Like our brothas, we are loved yet feared. We are trendsetters...from our cornrows to our afros ; from our hip huggers to our stilettos. People stare, but often try to imitate. We don't care what people think of our style, because it's just that...ours!

Why I Love...Being a Librarian

Webster defines librarian as a specialist in the care or management of a library. Pretty vague huh? It defines libary as a place in which literary, musical, artistic, or reference materials are kept for use but not for sale. Most people define librarian as a person who loves to read, wears her hair back in a bun, wears glasses and walks around with her finger over her mouth to keep everyone quiet. The most common reaction I get when I tell people I'm a librarian is, "you like to read, don't you?" Yes, I love to read, but that was a trait long before I became a librarian.

I define my job as a librarian as the liason between information and the person who needs it, I am a teacher, a motivator and an advisor. My career began in a small public library in Arkansas where I served as the library manager, reference clerk, circulation clerk, public relations specialist and janitor. It was there I learned that I was just a paraprofessional and that to be a librarian I needed a graduate degree in library and information services/studies. It was there I fell in love with my work in the library and I knew this was the career for me. I always wanted to be a teacher, but once didn't want the stress or the meager salary. I would later learn that librarians don't fair much better in the salary department.:)

So when I moved to Oklahoma City, I immediately began thinking about applying to graduate school at OU. It took three years, but I earned my MLIS and am now an offical librarian! Thankfully, I toughed it out because when I began to look for jobs out of state I met the requirement of having my MLIS from an accredited university. I am now employed at the wonderful Northwest Mississippi Community College. I am part of the faculty, so I have the opportunity to teach students how to use the library and its resources. Although some of students sit through the classes with their eyes glazed over, there are some who are genuinely interested and that makes it worthwhile.

Being a libarian has exposed me to all types of information. I am the cataloger for NWCC and that means every book that is added to our collection comes across my desk. I have learned so much in this capacity and things I would have never known or heard of, I have because of my chosen profession. Teaching classes keeps me grounded, not everyone thinks highly of the library. Helping students keeps me enlightened. I have the opportunity to learn their frustrations with using our resources. Choosing material for the library keeps me informed, there is actually a book about this?! :)

So to all of you who think libraries are quiet and librarians are books worm I beg to differ. We are as diverse as our collections and the communities we serve.

Why I Love Hip Hop

Wednesday I watched the BET Hip Hop Awards and was impressed by what I saw. Performances were tasteful, awards were well deserved and it was only two hours. Interspered between the performances and awards, well known figures in the hip hop world and Black America gave monologues on why they love hip hop. Most memorable were MC Lyte and Michael Eric Dyson. These two challenged the emerging leaders to be responsible and give back. Gave young Black women advice on demanding respect with our voices and dollars. The awards show made me think about why I love hip hop, so here goes.

I was ten years old when the Sugarhill Gang recorded Rapper's Delight and I knew every word to that song. Then came Kurtis Blow, Whodini, Run DMC., and LL Cool J. and hip hop entered the mainstream. Back then lyrics were simple and somewhat comical. Afterall, Kurtis Blow talked about basketball, Whodini talked about friends and Run DMC set the trend for wearing unlaced Adidas. And who could forget LL's first rap ballard, I Need Love?! Hip hop was new, artists were expressing themselves in a new way and as a teen I loved it as much as the next person.

During my teen years, hip hop began to see the rise of subgenres. We had the political Public Enemy, KRS-One and Afrika Bambaataa, they urged us to fight the power and to stop the violence. Then NWA came out with what would ultimately define hip hop...gangster rap. Hip hop has been in the hot seat for quite some time, but the Don Imus incident intensified it and really brought it to the mainstream. It was time for the artists to take responsibility for the ruckus they helped create. And of course, they weren't going to take the blame for telling their side of the story.

In my quest to understand hip hop and this obsession with it, I began reading everything I could get my hands on and after reading arguments from both sides of the story, I have a newfound love and respect for hip hop and what it stands for. I may not agree with what they say and how it's said, but we cannot deny them the right to say it. As I began to read and listen to these artists, I realized what they say is no worse than what Ozzy Osbourne, Kiss and other rock bands promoted and sang of back in the day.

I caught an episode of Hip Hop vs. America on BET and realized these people are human and are only rapping and talking about life as they see it. I listened as these artists explained that many times the words they choose are out of frustration. They underscored the fact that all songs can't be happy go lucky because in their world, those days are far and few between.

So, I love hip hop for a variety of reasons. I love hip hop because you grew up with me, you express lifeas you see it...sometimes the truth hurts. I love hip hop because you set trends and have the power to change lives. You employ many, you inspire millions.

Books I read on the subject:

Beat, Rhymes, Life edited by Kenji Jasper and Ytasha Womack.

Third Coast by Roni Sarig.

Pimps Up, Hoes Down by T. Sharpley-Whiting.

When Chickenheads Come Home To Roost by Joan Morgan.

Ghettonation by Cora Daniels.

Also take a look at Hip Hop versus America on BET.

Why I Love Being a Mother...

Okay, I know I complain about my kids, but the truth is that I love them dearly and there is nothing I wouldn't do for them. I can't count the number of sacrifices that have made to make sure they have what they need. I can't count the number of sleepless nights I have endured to sit up and watch sick child. I can't remember a night when I haven't at least one of three in bed with me. Yes, it's true, a mother's love has no boundaries. Motherhood brings with it many frustrations, but I wouldn't trade the experiences and unconditional love for anything. Each of my three have their own personalities and traits that I love. Let me elaborate...

DQ: Has the strongest personality of the three. Her personality can be considered a blessing and a curse. I love the fact that she expresses herself so strongly. She is creative and some of her writings have blown me away. I've tried to encourage her to channel some of frustrations positively by writing. DQ loves to be around people and this has caused us to clash some because I'm the opposite. I try hard to understand her desire to be with the in crowd and why peer opinions are so important to her. I never was part of a clique, I just wandered from crowd to crowd during my junior and high school years. So I've had to explain to her that I trust her judgement in choosing good friends. DQ's personality is just like her dad's and his family, so when she came out in her winter coat this morning, I laughed until I cried. I then made her find a light jacket, it was cool, and she was dressed like it was twenty below. She is tall and slim and wears her clothes well. I can't remember when I wore a size zero. She is smart as a whip and I know she will eventually find her way.

LB: He is the most laid back kid I know. He just goes with the flow and hardly ever gets upset. He is patient and if I tell him to wait for something, he usually does. He can make a friend anywhere and will play with anyone. He is 100% boy and sometimes dealing with those traits is maddening. He loves his baby sister to death, it is the older one that he despises. I'm sure time will bring the two closer. He is with his dad now, and LP and I miss him so much! The first week after he left, DQ walked around in a daze and when we went to visit him, she followed him everywhere. She even sat on the bathtub as he was trying to bathe and he said, "it's okay, she can stay." He loves making good grades and is continually on the honor roll. He has the same third grade teacher that DQ had, and I'm sure Mrs. B notices the difference.

LP: Spoiled rotten. This came from a combination of folks...mom, dad, papa, big brother. LP is cute as a button and knows how to work her cute. She gotten everything from free biscuits @ KFC to free sodas at Taco Bell! Her personalty varies, depending on who she is around. So now I'm dealing with DQ, Jr. Her tantrums have ranged from not wanting cereal for breakfast to she is the only one who cleans up her room. This has led to a few rounds from the two of us. I refuse to go there with a five year old. But for the most part, LP is my little princess. She is the most loving child I have and often is in my space when I'm laying down or sitting on the couch. She sleeps with me most nights and I have to wake up a few times to pry her off of my back. She started school and it was a major adjustment. She had been going to our campus based center and basically got her way. Not only is Kindergarten a bit more structured, she has to deal with 23 others instead of 9 others. The first month was tough, but I see a major improvement. She is learning so much and it's a joy to watch her practice what she's learned and teach her stuffed animals their letters and numbers.

Yes, being a mother is rewarding. I've heard people say the time flies, but it really isn't going fast for me, I guess because I have learned to take it a day at a time, not rush their growth and developement and just enjoy the time I have with them. I'm sure in a couple of weeks, I'll post another confessions entry.

Why I Love...

About three years ago I read Why I Love Black Women by Michael Eric Dyson and in it he described the qualities black women possess that have caused him to have much respect. He described the qualities by using specific women to paint his picture. He spoke of Angela Davis, Maxine Waters and Kimberly Williams Crenshaw, some well known, some not. He does a wonderful job of taking their attributes and merging them into all Black women. A very good read, makes me proud to be a Black women, as I see myself in so many of the women in which he spoke.

It is in the spirit that my next few entries will be on Why I Love... My first will describe Why I Love Black Men.

When I first heard Angie Stone's Brotha, I fell in love with the lyrics. Her first verse,
"He is my King, He is my one
Yes he's my father, Yes he's my son
I can talk to him, cuz he understands
Everything I go through and everything I am
That's my support system, I can't live without him
The best thing since sliced bread,
Is his kiss, his hugs, his lips, his touch"

Man that describes what I feel! The second verse describes that often Black men are misunderstood and they are just trying to make it, like everyone else on this planet. I applaud Angie for recording such a marvelous song, especially when so many try to bring the Black man down. I think I'll elaborate a bit further on why that first verse speaks to me.

He is my King, my father is a Brotha. He is a strong man who despite many obstacles made it and perservered. I've never heard him complain once about the hand that he was dealt. He is a hard worker and has done whatever it takes to [legally] provide for his family. That is why I never bought into the myth that Black men are lazy, don't provide for their families and are materialistic. My dad taught me the meaning of hard work and that no one owes me anything.

He is my son. My son...mothers have always had a special bond with sons. For Black women it's even stronger because we know how hostile this world is to our babies. My heart went out to the mothers of the Jena 6 because that is one of my biggest fears. LB will be nine Friday and I just pray things will be better, but that's what many have prayed for the last hundred years. That is the main reason why I prefer for him to be with his dad...guidance and support. I understand what he will go through, but I don't know if I'd be able to guide him through it.

I think the rest of the verse speaks for itself. I mean who better to understand a person than someone who has lived it and is currently living it? The Black man...loved, feared, envied, hated, desired.

I love your strength, you make it despite the many obstacles faced in your way. I love your style, you have set and continue to set trends. I love your swagger, no matter what life hands you, you keep your head up. I love your hair...from the afros, the fades to the locs and the shiny heads. I love the many hues...caramel, chocolate, cocoa, peanut butter. I love your versatality...from the boardroom to the backyard barbeque, keeping it real. Yes, Angie, there is nothing better than his kiss, his hugs, his full lips and his touch. I, too, want the whole world to know that he's my black brotha and I love ya!

EBM...myth or reality?

So for those of you who read my cluck, cluck entry you know that there is a theory that there is a shortage of good Black men, described as the endangered black man, hence EBM. Joan Morgan the author of When Chickenheads Come Home to Roost doesn't think so and neither do I. Maybe it's something that someone invented so that women will lower their standards and just put up with any old crap. I'm new to this area and for a while I was beginning to think that maybe something was wrong with me because I didn't even get a second look from the men around, let alone a "hey baby, are you married?" But after talking with a few people and some of the guys from back home, I've learned the perhaps the problem isn't with me. For instance, one guy told me that if he saw me out with my kids he would assume that I was married or involved and for that reason would not approach me. Okay, that made me feel a tad bit better. Another suggestion was that maybe I intimidate men because all men need to feel like they are needed, afterall, I was reminded, I have a good job, a house and a car. Is there any need for a man? To that I said that if men feel that way, then they are truly twisted.

So I did what any normal person would do...I went to the online personals. My first stop was Yahoo and there are all types of weirdos on there, but I did meet some interesting men. In fact, I still talk to a couple of them. I got frustrated because several never responded to messages and I felt like I was wasting my money. Stop 2 was and still is blackpeoplemeet.com. Now this is where the fun is, I'm having great email conversations with people from all over the U.S. In fact, I've again realized that the world really is small. Malcolm Gladwell's The Tipping Point talks about how closely we're all connected, and I've found that out to be true. One guy lives in Seattle, but is from Greenville, MS (about 30 minutes from my hometown.) Another guy lives in Houston but travels to Atlanta and Birmingham yearly and goes through El Dorado, AR. But I digress, this site is proof that there are still good BLACK men out there. I signed up for this site Monday and as of today, I've had over 200 profile views and I have 85 messages. Granted some of them are scrubs, but for the most part, I think they are good, honest, hardworking men. Even I was surprised with the number of single, never married, no kids 30 somethings. I love reading through the profiles and what these guys look for in a woman, some comments are too deep (even for me), some are amusing and some make you question their sanity. Anyway, I'm just looking for someone to talk to and just have fun and so far so good.

Cluck, cluck

Finished readingWhen Chickenheads Come Home to Roost by Joan Morgan about a week ago and I can honestly say, it is one of the best books I've read. Morgan wrote the book in 1999 and considered herself a feminist, her words are timeless and I only wish I'd read it when it was first published. I know, many are asking what is a chickenhead? Until I was enlightened by Morgan, my definition was a woman who will do anything to get and keep a man, often degrading herself with her "ghettoness." Morgan's definition also included women who sole purpose in life is to live off of a man (hers and/or someone else's). We all know a chickenhead, her life revolves around her and her appearance, IF she works, it's a retail store and then, only two or three hours a day. She doesn't have much going on inside her head and is basically an airhead. It seems it is what many Black men want...a trophy.

My reasons for loving this book go way beyond learning the definition of chickenhead, this book defines what it means to be an African American feminist. We all know race is a major factor in America, so it should be no surprise that the feminist movement did nothing to help promote Black women's cause. We have to deal with issues unique to our culture. Morgan writes about not wanting to be the "strong Black woman" anymore. It is this that has and continues to kill the spirit and existence of Black women. Black women have always had to hold it together...ourselves, our families, our communities, our churches and our men. As a race, it is a form of betrayal to speak negatively about another. I mean look at how we defend the OJs, R. Kellys and Mike Tysons. We wear the SBW badge as an honor when the truth is that we need to give it up and let the men take the responsibility that they spoke of during the Million Man March. We don't have to be strong to be strong!

Morgan also adresses the EBM (endangered Black men)theory. She has wondered why so many Black women lower their standards and even think they can change a man, oh yeah, it's because we've bought into the theory that most Black men are either on drugs, selling drugs, locked up or have too many baby mamas. I, along with Morgan, refuse to believe the hype. I think that comes from life experiences and maturity. When I was younger, I did lower my expectations and it caused much heartbreak and heartache. As I've gotten older, I've realized the "Secret", the law of attrativeness and the aura we put out is what we get back. Morgan also interviewed men who said that although chickenheads are what they currently have, they are NOT who they would marry. They claim they want a wife who is not shallow and have objectives and goals in life. So, I guess we have to wait for them to grow up and get rid of the chickenheads.