Forgive me Father, for I have had thoughts of hurting my children and ex husband. It's been four months since my last confession. One would think since LB is back in OKC with his dad life would be a bit more relaxed in our home. This has not been the case and it seems life has gotten more hectic and stressful. I have a few theories of why this may be (1) LP started Kindergarten and refuses to take a nap and spends most of the evening whining over small things ; (2) LP misses her brother and expects me to play with her ;(3) DQ is now in junior high school and thinks she knows everything ;(4) DQ is obsessed with her hair and clothes (5) DQ's friend comes over every morning and afternoon. Okay, there are more than a few and I could go on, but I think you get the picture. I won't even get into the details of my nonexistent personal life. I still talk to the two prospects I had a few months ago, but the sizzle is now a fizzle. I've realized that I'm dealing with EBM (endangered Black men) according to Joan Morgan in When Chickenheads Come Home to Roost. More of that to come at a later date.
So, in my quest to be a responsible parent, I try to talk to their father about their behavior. We both agree that if LP continues to talk in school and refuse to take a nap, she will have to be punished. I just take away a few priviledges (as of 9/25/07, she has been doing great). The thundering and lightning came with the discussion of DQ. DQ has a problem staying focused, doing and turning in her homework and loves anything urban and contemporary. It was not until I threatened to make her ride the bus to school that she started dressing in a timely manner. The battle now is getting her to sit still to study. I've been told that you can't study math. Although I've explained several times that studying math is basically practicing and working problems, she refuses to believe me, but this is one battle that I will fight. Anyway, I try to explain my frustration to their dad and he comes back with, "You need to discipline her and limit her interactions with JW." And just how am I supposed to do that? JW and her parents moved here and they don't know or interact with a lot of people, so their options are limited and since I'm at home when they get off the school bus I don't mind watching her until her mother can pick her up. I tried to explain that JW is not the problem, DQ is, but he thinks I need to isolate her from the world. I tried to explain to him that he is living in a dream world if he thinks isolating her is the solution. Afterall, she spends seven hours a day at school around other kids. I live in reality and I talk to DQ about everything. I tried to explain that kids today have so much more to deal with and are exposed to life earlier. He refused to acknowledge that and said things are no different now than when we were teens. He basically told me I need to beat her and lock her in the house. I didn't remind him that that is what his sister did with her daughter and as soon as she turned 18, she went wild. It took her three years to find herself and she is currently in the Air Force crying about how she wants out. So I just hung up on him instead and spent the rest of the afternoon steaming mad. I also made a new pledge to not discuss DQ's teen behavior with him, because of helping he only adds to my frustration and blames me. I remembered a few years ago that we had a similiar disagreement when I decided it was time to teach DQ the facts of life. I found a book at the library with pictures and slang terms and when he saw it, he flipped. How dare I give her such graphic material and I tried to explain that she needs to know because boys (and girls) are getting smarter at the cons used to lure innocent parties. I want her to know the facts...yes, you can get pregnant the first time ; yes, you can get pregnant using the rhythm method ; there are other names for body parts and fluids...please be aware. Ignorance is not bliss!
So after a few days, I calmed down and bit, but I still think there is a balance that can be reached with it comes to our parenting styles. Yes, I know I need to set boundaries and I try really hard, but sometimes I just don't have the energy to deal with issues right then. I just remember something my aunt said, my kids did not come with an instruction manual and no, I did not have practice. I just do the best I can, teach them and trust them to make the right decisions.
4 comments:
Hey what was the name of the book you wanted to share with DQ? I'm realizing that my DQ is getting older. Don't girls start their periods earlier these days? I heard that in my college classes somewhere down the road. If that's true then Miss DQ needs to have a heads up.
Oh yeah. I think you're a normal mom. What mother hasn't had violent thoughts about their offspring. Just think of rabbits/gerbils/hamsters they not only think about it but they eat their young, too!
MI now hates school and doesn't want to go. Too much structure at the new school but I really think that she is parroting the behavior of an older sister.
I don't remember the name of the book, but I got it at Metro.
Oh, tell me about the parroting behavior. LP had a breakdown this morning over a waffle!
Bless you, dear, you are such a good mother. It's so easy to say "Give her a beating" and not think about what that might do. It's truly not a good idea. How can hitting solve the problem? You are spending lots of time thinking about what would work best for her. I am thinking of you.
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