About a month ago, my ex called and asked when the kids were getting out of school. I told him LP's last day is May 11th and I would take her to AR that weekend to spend some time with my parents. LB and DQ get out on the 25th and I hadn't made plans for their care yet. He told me that since his mother was with him for a while, I could just meet him halfway and he'd keep them for two weeks. She could watch them while he was at work. How exciting is that?! I didn't get too excited because he and his family are very flaky when it comes to anything, especially the kids. I didn't tell the kids, because I'd been down that road before and seeing them so disappointed is a heartbreaker. So, I was thinking about some of the things I could get done while they were gone. I was making tentative plans with friends and family, reminding them that I wouldn't believe it until the kids were in his car and I was on my way back home.
The call came about a week ago. He was taking his mother to Fort Smith to meet his sister...she was going home. But, she said she is going back, I mean, she left her car at his house. Okay, I wasn't expecting the call so soon, it caught me off guard, but I tried to remain calm. Afterall, I knew it was going to happen. I was upset with myself for even making tentative plans. He said if she didn't come back, all I had to do was take them to her house. His mother lives about twenty minutes from my folks. Don't count on it brother. I'll figure something out.
I called my mom and she said she could come over and stay with us for a couple of days. I really appreciate the gesture, but I feel like the air has been let out of my balloon. I don't have any me time, I need my hair trimmed, I would like to get a pedicure and can I go to the freakin' store by myself?! It would seem that since his mother was a single mother of three, she would understand what I'm going through. It sickens me to think that she would let her feelings toward me affect her relationship with her grandchildren.
So, now I've cancelled all of my plans. I'm trying to work out schedules so that my children will have adult supervision until my last day of work, May 31st. I know my family will come through, they always have. But my kids are not their responsibility and I don't want to be a burden to anyone. Single motherhood...but I must admit, I enjoy my peace and the freedom to do what I want, when I want. I guess there's a trade-off in anything.
3 comments:
The best thing my therapist once told me is to give myself permission: "I can ask for help." Too many of us try to do it all on our own, and it's just too hard. It's not selfish to want some "me" time. It's healthy.
I think about you and the difficult job you are doing everyday and send lots of prayers your way.
Thanks, I really appreciate it. I was really bummed out, but writing about it helped to release some of the frustration.
Well, I've just spent 3 days being a truly single mom. I can't wait for my Passionfruit to come home. Yesterday just about did me in with the behavior of at least 2 of my children. I think you are a saint. There is no way I could be a single mother! Told Passionfruit if he ever thinks about divorcing me and leaving the children with me he and forget it. If he leaves he takes the kids!
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